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Original poster

A bit of guidance on this would and I'd be very greatful

29 replies

completetheform · 12/07/2020 10:56

So "dude" at work is talking about his relationship with his wife.

And says "I haven't talked to her in three weeks"

Me: "You do understand what that is, don't you?"

Him, with a little chuckles and a twinkle in his eye. "Yes, it drives her mad?"

Me: "That's not a healthy way to behave in a relationship"

Him: "Well you would say that"

I walked off and didn't see him for three days.

I've now noticed that he does the same in workplace emails and chats. Just doesn't respond to anything I talk about and reaaaaaalllllllllly takes his time responding to task related specific information or goes you should already know that and slieghtly worse than that, draws other team members off to participate in his tasks rather than let them complete the ones I've assigned to them.

Is this is what I think it is?

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 12/07/2020 10:59

What do you think it is?

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2020 10:59

Is this is what I think it is?

Someone who's pissed off that you interfered in his relationship whilst only getting one side of the story?

Maybe.

QueenieMum · 12/07/2020 11:00

What do you think it is? He sounds like an idiot.

Original poster
completetheform · 12/07/2020 11:16

I dunno really, I think it could be one thing then I think it could be another. That was total of the interaction over it. Not talking to your partner for three weeks (he's could be exaggerating, but he says he doesn't exaggerate). The context was over her choice of plants for the garden, because I said my DC's want a garden and are fed up of not having a big decent one. And it devolved into this.

I once had the misfortune to watch them have an argument at my birthday party over going home seperatly (and yes I spelt it so badly my spellchecker doesn't recognise it) as we were the last three there. I left and left them to decide, that really wasn't my problem.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/07/2020 11:31

None of his relationship is your problem though?

Work-wise was he completely different before you criticized his behavior in his marriage?

Original poster
completetheform · 12/07/2020 11:58

I actually want nothing to do with his relationship, he did like to overshare a lot (like her pubic hair and sex toys - I asked him to stop each time as soon as the words came out) like being nagged at, her health problems, where he hope she'd behave better afterwards - WTF. Lots of things like that and every time I have listened and said nothing (because it doesn't help), this has been the only time, I ever said anything that challenged what he said.

It can't be that can it?

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 12/07/2020 12:01

Wait a minute - he overshares this stuff about his wife with a work colleague? I would avoid this man like the plague - or the virus! The total of what you've described makes him sound seriously unpleasant.

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2020 12:15

Well that's a massive drip feed there OP.

You'll either have to ask him or if his attitude/behaviour is causing problems at work, speak to your line manager?

Pertella · 12/07/2020 12:28

He sounds like a prince...

When i say Prince I mean a total arsehole.

2155User · 12/07/2020 12:40

What are you even on about

Atadaddicted · 12/07/2020 12:42

You fancy him

Original poster
completetheform · 12/07/2020 12:53

sorry for the drip feed, as to the line manager, total nopalope. I'm not going to talk about him cos we'll go off in a different direction. Yeh another sterling prince charming. At least he's stopped talking about his DW's bjs after HR had a word with him because of another colleagues complaint

I guess the reason I asked this is because I think he is a total arsehole in absolutely everything he does, even though he tells everyone he's a nice guy, stable genius.

I guess I could have used the no white supremacists in my part of town because they are all super upper middle class. During a why BLM isn't important conversation.

I think I know what going to come next, which is "get out of there", I'm not suited to working whith them any more

OP posts:
PerfidiousAlbion · 12/07/2020 13:01

Have you been smoking something op?

Your posts make no sense whatsoever.

2155User · 12/07/2020 13:06

@completetheform

Do you always think and speak like this? Because you're making no sense.

Are you drunk?

LaszlosHat · 12/07/2020 13:08

Is this is what I think it is?

What do you think it is?

It can't be that can it?

Can't be what?

Could you perhaps say what you're actually suspecting, might be easier to get guidance that way?

picklemewalnuts · 12/07/2020 13:18

You make perfect sense OP.

His behaviour in his marriage sounds abusive. However, you have no responsibility for his wife. If she was your colleague, and there was more in a similar vein, then I think you'd be expected to raise it with HR as a safeguarding concern.

As for your working environment then you are going to have to grasp the nettle- look elsewhere, and in the meantime firmly address situations where he pulls colleagues off their work for you to engage with his tasks.

I'd rephrase your post with that in mind, if you want advice/support on how to manage it.

As for the PPs who have responded a bit oddly (you fancy him!?!?), just ignore anything unhelpful.

Original poster
completetheform · 12/07/2020 13:36

@picklemewalnuts

Thank you for understanding my gist

After reading a lot of other support and advice threads on similar topics.

I'm going to give myself 6 weeks to get my ducks in a row, in time for school possibly starting, then notice. That will make everyone happy

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 12/07/2020 13:50

I never really understand this kind of thread. I'd just think he was a wanker and move on with my day.

DotForShort · 12/07/2020 14:03

What are you talking about? ConfusedHmm

WhatCFeryIsThis · 12/07/2020 14:41

My word OP, do you even have to ask?! Of course it's what you think it is! Tell him to call 111 immediately, make sure the higher ups isolate him from the rest of the staff, and for the love of god don't eat crisps in front of him.

kenandbarbie · 12/07/2020 14:47

What? I don't understand your posts?

Atadaddicted · 12/07/2020 16:57

Op

I’d be cautious
On the basis of this thread you have serious communication issues that may hinder your job hunt

doyounothavegoogle · 12/07/2020 16:58

After reading a lot of other support and advice threads on similar topics.

Seriously - there are similar threads?

2155User · 12/07/2020 17:46

On the basis of this thread you have serious communication issues that may hinder your job hunt

Totally agree. You lack a distinct ability to put across what you are actually thinking.
I still have absolutely no idea what you're on about other than there is a man at work who tells you about his wife

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 12/07/2020 18:16

Oh come on it's fucking obvious.

Anyone that has been here for more than a week knows that giving someone the silent treatment is abusive.

Tbh OP's posts weren't that hard to follow until the BLM bit.

He's an arsehole, overshares, gives way too many intimate details about his wife and brags over what's generally considered abusive behaviour.