If you are an "older" mum was it by choice

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Friend of mine is pregnant. She had difficulty conceiving. She is 39 and considers herself an older mum. We were chatting and she said something like "it's obvious to everyone we have had fertility issues as no one would wait this late to start a family", which made me think is this the case for most people.

I was 40 when I had my DD.....simply because I didn't meet my DH until I was 38. Literally no other reason!

I'm not really sure anyone sees it as that strange any more. It's not unusual for women to have DC in their late thirties early forties as much as it used to be. I had DC at 33 and 36 and at the time I got a couple of comments , but mainly from midwives really, and mainly related to my pregnancy care. Most of the women in antenatal classes and mother and baby groups were around the same age or older.

Now I don't really see much difference in the school playground , one of DC friends parents has just had her 4th at 42 and her age wasn't remotely commented on , she was supported by the other mums a lot because it was a very high risk pregnancy (due to her personal medical history) so there was more interaction with her as everyone helped with pickups for her other DC etc and I didn't hear any comments about age (and the sort of community I live in they tend to comment on everything!!)

I grant you it's only my community I have experience of but age of mother seems far less of a commenting point it ever used to be.

Met DH when I was 34. Didn’t want children until I turned 40. Had DD at 41. No fertility issues, just no desire to have children before then. No regrets, I/we had a great time pre-children.

I think it depends my BIL and SIL got married 4 years ago and are having a baby soon she's almost 40. We never discussed why it wasn't happening but my SIL said they were trying over 2 years ago so I would probably say yes they had some problems and probably got help and finally they got pregnant 🙏🏽

First DC at 40, a miscarriage at 41 and decided not to try for any more after that. Got pregnant within 1-3 months with both so no fertility issues.

I just hadn’t met anyone to want to have a family with until I was 39, and it certainly wasn’t for a career - I just had a job, not a career.

Women may delay through choice or not, don’t just assume it’s infertility or a career.

I was 36/7 with my first. Met dh at 30.
I feel six years is reasonable to date, move in together, marry, be sure and settled. I know some people feel they “just know” instantly but ten years later and still very happy with a good equal balance of parenting and house stuff reinforces my belief that was six years well spent before ttc.

Ish.

I had my first at 22, second at 34 and I’m pregnant again at 40.

Age gaps planned. If I had more time I’d have had more than a six year age gap between second and this one!

I love babies, love being a parent but I cannot stand being pregnant or giving birth. Hence the age gaps.

No, not at all. I'd have had my children before 38 (my last by 38) if I could choose. But I married and had DC1 at 29. My ex-husband left when DS1 was 6 months old and I was a lone parent for years. I actually didn't think about remarrying or even dating really, so having more children didn't even occur to me until I got together with DH at 37. On my 38th birthday, I had DC2. But between DC2 and DC3 (whom I had at 42), I had 2 MCs and a stillbirth.

Don't get me wrong, I feel beyond blessed. I wish I were younger though. I have to admit, when I meet older parents, I make no assumptions. But I don't think older parents usually plan on being older parents, do they?

I only ever wanted my career but I had unplanned ds at 38.
However he is such a joy I wish I had him 10 years before that and that I could have had another.
He was hard work though hence not having another at my age .

I was a bit older than I’d planned, started trying at 36 but she wasn’t born until I was 41 and had given up trying

I was 36, and no, it wasn't by choice, it was fertility issues.

I was busy with my career, hadn’t met the right person, and wasn’t financially secure enough to go it alone, so didn’t try for a baby when I was younger.

Then had medical issues, thought I’d missed my chance and conceived naturally at 44.

Didn’t meet my OH til I was 38 and had a few miscarriages til I gave birth at 42. People assume (as I did initially) that the miscarriages were as a result of my age, but they weren’t.

I was nearly 38 when ds was born, I hadn't met his dad until I was 35, got married at 36, was being referred for infertility/IVF when I found out I was pregnant.