Boundaries for 11/12 year olds

[GreyishDays]

So coronavirus has nicely coincided with DD reaching the age of doing stuff on her own, meaning it’s a bit hard for me to work out what’s reasonable! She’s also going to bed much later as she’s got no school.

What rules to do you have for yours for:

what they can do on their own?
can they go out in the evening, if so till what time?
do you have a set bedtime?
do you have any screen limits?

Mine can go out with friends into woods, could go somewhere else local like a friend’s house if she told me. Recently can go into shops (coronavirus). Not into town yet (coronavirus).
Allowed out briefly in evening for walk with ten yr old brother if back around 8.
Goes to bed at about 11.30/12 . I’m wondering whether to do something about this.
Got social media and games limits on phone but no overall limit. Daily screen time is about six hours but two of that will be on the phone. She does sit and draw and paint and come for walks with us. Also wondering whether to do something about this.

Bump for afternoon people. My question is a bit demanding, don’t feel you need to answer all the bits

Mine were going for coffee in town from about age 10, with an adult nearby (pre coronavirus), but the town is fairly small, familiar and near to school. They don't tend to want to go out in the evening (even older dc) so not crossed that bridge yet. They are both quite responsibile mid teens so I would probably consider any reasonable request. Some of their peers though have been out smoking, drinking and doing drugs from about yr8/9 so it really depends on your specific child.

I have an 11 year old ds, starting senior school in September. We live on a very quiet housing estate. He’s allowed to go off around the estate with his friends and can be gone a couple of hours as they often go In each other’s houses. He was allowed to walk to Asda with them pre Covid.
He is allowed 2-3 hours screen time a day max, we find his behaviour deteriorates if he has more than that.
On school nights he has to be in his room by 9 and lights out 9.30. But his school have broken up now so he’s been going upstairs about 9.30 and going to sleep about 10ish.

Ds1 is 11, 12 in December, starting senior school in September.

• He is allowed out on his own. He knocks for friends around the village & they either play outside one's house or go to the playground with a football pitch. They have also been to the big country park one weekend, we went along to a different part of the park & met him for lunch. Pre-Covid there was talk of them going into town which we would have been ok with, but then this all happened.
• Bedtime is 9-9.30pm most nights, sometimes a bit later to watch football etc
• He has a set screen time of 2 hours per day on weekdays & 2.5 on weekends. This can be increased/reduced according to behaviour.

He's never asked about going out in the evening btw

DS is nearly 12. Finishing Y6, but at middle school, which is like high school in that you move around for lessons etc.
He walks to school by himself, but this is very close, although does involve crossing admin road.
He can go to the paper/sweet shop by himself, and friends in the village. I would let him walk to his best friend’s in tgd. Ext village (1.5 miles) if he asked. He should know the way!
Screen time is out of control recentjy, but Dh and I have both been very tied up with WFH and done little to control this. It’s got much better since DS went back to school 3 weeks ago.
Bedtime - I like him in bed for 8.30-9pm on a school night, but this can slip in holidays.
I think DS is probably a bit “dumbed down” because he is the eldest. I’m sure his little sister will be dancing on restaurant tables when she’s 12!

BikeRunSki Although there may be some earlier development in younger dc, actually having a sensible older sibling is really useful. They come back with scathing reports of their classmates and set expectations about level of work and attitude to work. My oldest is now yr10, still opportunities to go off the rails, but so far seems to be setting the bar fairly high and younger dc rising to it.

My 11 Yr old goes out with friends usually on bikes or to play football, has a radius of about a mile, which includes a couple of parks and the woods nearby (there's a bike trail there for jumps and stuff). Allowed out on evenings until around 8, he's very good at keeping in touch when out and about. Goes to local shopping centre for subways and the like with friends. Have been very lenient with regards to screen time during lockdown, it's decreasing now he can go out again. School holidays here, current bedtime around 10.30/11, very occasionally a bit later. New school term in August should be interesting, I'm back at work in a week and pre lockdown we were both in bed by 10pm, not sure how I'm going to get us both back to earlier nights/mornings.

@TW2013 - I’m the third of 4, the one that no one thinks about any more, because I’ve got sensible role models! Still going 40 years later!

Interesting thoughts about the eldest! She has two younger siblings who will be watching what she’s allowed to do.

Mine is 11, 12 in November. We live in a village and they just did cycling proficiency so they mostly can cycle around the area, she can go the the next village to meet her BFF, they can go to the shop etc. She can go out on her skateboard and will probably want to go to next village to use skate ramps too.

I have allowed them to go round town in pairs since last summer, if I am in the town too: it’s a market town with one main street plus a small shopping centre at one end. Handful of shops they are interested in so they can’t get lost. They have been super cautious about time and really impressed me.

She gets £2 week pocket money which rarely got spent before so she is ok knowing she funds any treats etc herself which also means she has to consider what they want to do.

She got a phone last month so it’s now a little easier to keep track but it was good making her start without the reliance on the phone as she did learn to plan & timekeep.