Does anyone else worry they are really a robot?

[Mutabilis]

We passed a parent from my DD's school yesterday and exchanged polite hello's. After they passed by, as usual I checked with my DH if I seemed normal, said the right things, made human facial expressions in a normal way etc. He made the usual joke about me really being a robot. I am very socially inept, people fill me with terror, but I do work and do normal things. I've spent many years studying human behaviour and psychology but it hasn't helped. I always feeling I'm an outsider to this world. Does anyone else feel like this? Are there other robots out there? Is it just me? I do tend to fail those 'are you a robot' things online.

You don't need to sell a diagnosis, but instead just look into the adult autistic community to see if anything resonates. There are quite a few Facebook pages I could recommend if you want? P.m if you're interested...

Fwiw I don't think diagnosis and treatment are necessary, it's more the knowing that there is a tribe of people out there who think like you - that recognition...

If it helps op, I am exactly as you describe. I’m ok with strangers but I dread seeing anyone I know as my mind goes blank to the point I don’t remember their name (and they could be a good friend) and I panic thinking what questions should I be expected to ask them (did you have fun at xyz, hows your mum, I like your top where’s it from) just basic conversation that comes naturally to most but I have to plan in advance.

I also ask my dp if he’s with me if I said anything odd, ask if he thinks they were off with me (I always assume people are off with me and that somehow I’ve offended them and they don’t like me). It’s exhausting.

I also get the calm thing. The world could be burning around me and it’s like I would switch off and think there’s nothing I can do about it let’s just carry on.

It’s certainly harder as you get older as when I was a child and felt like this I couldn’t wait to be an adult because by then I would have my shit together. But I don’t. I just mask it better. I now fee sad at the thought of being an old lady in a care home and not being able to make any friends.

So no advice I’m afraid but it sounds like we have similar thoughts so wanted you to know you’re not the only one!

I think I know what you mean as I feel similar. I always assumed it was social anxiety and used to have to ask my ex husband if I was behaving like a human would. As I child I used to try to copy 'normal' behaviour but failed. I cry because others are crying (at funerals etc).
It's painful trying to have a conversation at work - I know I talk about weird stuff if someone asks me something, leg it if they try to talk or go on so long they're bored.
I struggle terribly trying to have a conversation with family members - it's like pulling teeth.

My DP feels the same and he was diagnosed with Aspergers for similar reasons to how I behave. He definitely has more emotional intelligence and can read faces easier than I can. He didn't understand certain types of jokes when I met him but now seems to have got his head around most.
I feel it worth noting that neither of us really has friends and we both have unloving mothers so this could be behaviours we missed out on growing up.

Thanks to those of you who have shared similar social difficulties. I agree with you all, it's very exhausting being social as I have to hold on to a persona all day and worry it will slip. I'd love it to be my perception and that other people don't notice but I manage to end any conversation I try and join at work without knowing what I've said wrong. Every 'friendship' I've thought I've had has ended with them just stopping speaking to me without me having a clue why. It's when I let my guard down and start to be more myself that I really seem to say the wrong things, that's why it's easier with strangers. The more formal a situation the better I can cope with it, I'm fine with job interviews as I've got it all practiced and you're expected to be nervous, it's when it's informal or worse 'fun' that I get it wrong.

Thanks for the Facebook links suggestion UnprodigalDaughter but I can't do Facebook (no friends and no social skills) and I'm just almost as bad at social interaction online as in person. I do take your point and I think reading some coping tips for adults with ASD would would probably help me. I will do some research. Thanks everyone.

Hi OP, as soon as I read your title I thought ASD. I'm autistic and I used to wonder if I was an alien. I also score low on the online ASD tests, am an emotional person, can imagine things quite easily, make eye contact, and am creative.

However I am still autistic - it does present really differently in women. I relate to so much that you have posted, such as asking my DH if I managed to behave normally after a social event. I am amazed that most other people don't have this worry! I've also lost friends in a really confusing way and never understood what went wrong.

I agree you don't need a diagnosis unless you want one, but self knowledge can really be helpful and can allow you to be more understanding and forgiving of your own struggles.

A robot would be programmed to interact and would not have an emotional reaction to it - your response is actually very unrobotlike. people who are very confident and at ease with interaction in these scenarios are actually more like robots as they won't think about it.