Teen foster child - suppressed memories coming back

[TempName2020]

Hi all. Am hoping that some of you lovely, wise people can point me in the right direction to get some help. I have an 18 yr old girl living with us, who is the friend of one of my DC. She's with us because her step parent threw her out of the family home and being 18, she is too old for help from SS. Have described her as my foster daughter because this is what she is to all intents and purposes but nothing is 'official'.
The problem is that her mum was physically and emotionally abusive and while she was at home she has suppressed most of these memories but they are now coming back to her. She is feeling anxious, doesn't like going out much, has panicky feelings and just generally feels sad and like there's a big weight in her chest. She is terrified of bumping into her mum.
Does anyone know of any organisations I could contact, who would be able to help her process what's happened and help her come to terms with it?
Our GP isn't much help - can't get to see one atm due to Covid situation and waiting list for counselling is two years.
I'm out of my depth tbh. I have told her she is safe here, and I let her talk about what's happened at home but all this is beyond my experience. She is such a lovely kid and there's really no one else who is going to take responsibility for her and help her. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

What a shame. There will be someone along shortly with good advice I'm sure- i May know, but can't ever think of anything when I'm trying! I'll be back when I've remembered!

www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/childhood-abuse

Thank you

I don’t know your financial position but perhaps pay for some counselling? Some can be very reasonable? They do online zoom options now. There are also lots of organisations on the child line website that might help?

napac.org.uk/

Seeing stable and loving parenting is really important, so it's great that she is staying with you now. With a supportive family around her, she will be able to move on- most people who come from abusive homes don't get much opportunity to, because they end up on the run from problem relationships and unstable situations.

Just wanted to check you know you can self refer and don't need to go via GP anymore (in England) - www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

Also if she is in a position to apply for college/university she will also be able to access their support services. October is likely to be predominantly online for uni which may well suit initially if she perhaps goes via clearing in August?

Kooth is an online counselling/support service which she may find useful.

See if your health authority run any IAPT schemes here we have italk

Awww how kind of you to take her in and take care of her. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and her helping her more than you realise by just letting her talk and you listening. Maybe try contacting adults services at your local council office. They have been great with my sister who has mental health issues

There is a fostering board on MN that might be able to help

Also feel free to ask on the adoption board - issues are similar

Ok, so when asking for help you need to use the word "trauma" to label the problem and increase your chances of being signposted to the right place. Looking for resources on post-traumatic stress is what she needs, not anxiety stuff.

If leaving the abusive situation is quite recent then it is the start of the natural healing process from the trauma. Her brain is working out what happened, labelling the memories and archiving them. This has to happen for her to recover. It is normal.

It's distressing but a positive sign. If she can be supported to respond in "healthy" ways then the trauma may resolve naturally without turning into post-traumatic stress disorder. Right now it appears to "just" be a normal post-traumatic stress reaction.

If you scroll down to the post-traumatic stress section there is a leaflet that is a useful starting point for understanding what is happening, how trauma works, and how to manage it.

www.talkliverpool.nhs.uk/self-help/

In the area I live there is a young person service which works with adolescences up to 25.

May be worth googling to see if something similar exists where you are?

I think what you are doing could make a great deal of difference to this young woman. I’m not sure of the practical help for her, I’m wondering if there are any charities that might help, I’ll have a look.

What I would suggest to you if you can is to help her look at ways she can find to nurture herself, exercise, cooking, reading, making something, anything at all that gives her something for herself. I know it’s really challenging at the moment though.

If she can find a routine in her day that would be really helpful. Hopefully she can find a way to be in education as possible said and access some help that way.

I just want you to know that even if you feel that you’re unable to heal her pain you’re still profoundly improving her chances in life. The DB of my friend was taken in like this by GF parents yes ago and thanks to them he has had a fulfilling life and broken the cycle of abuse and was able to emulate for his younger siblings a better pattern and break from abusive narrative. My friend says this was the catalyst for them to address the neglect and abuse. A lifelong, painful process.

Oh yes still worth linking in with social worker who may be best able to access ongoing support until age 25 & beyond.

Thank you so much everyone for replying. There's a lot here for me to go back and read through.
She is back in college, doing A levels and we do have plans for her to go to university. She would very much like to do this.

She can live here if she doesnt want to move away. College have been good in getting her some practical help with travel costs and they have talked to her, so are aware of some of what has happened. But because of CV she hasn't been in for months and a lot of what happened to her has been remembered more during lockdown. She is very scared of social services involvement, which is due to some of the things her mum said and did during her childhood, so I have to be really careful about who I involve and how I go about it.
I am thinking charities who deal with child abuse survivors might seem less threatening to her than ss.

You could support her to contact Youth Access to see if they offer services in your area:
www.youthaccess.org.uk/about-us/about-youth-access

I will have a read of all these links over the weekend. Thank you so much again - I really do appreciate it