Can I just have my own feelings?

[Scoobyscoobedydoo]

My DP seems to take everything as his. If I am remotely upset/angry/anything then he makes this emotion his own. To the point where I am not allowed to feel it anymore - he makes everything about him and it is doing my head in. Hyper empathy maybe? I don't know but has anyone any experience with this?

I'm not quite sure what you mean. Can you give me an example?
It sounds like you just want to be listened to perhaps? In my experience very few people really do this. They're desperate to get in with their story or whatever. So frustrating.

He sounds like a knob

What does this look like practically?

Example: I was worried about my DS the other week and felt down and then DP was down too...I asked him what was wrong and it was just the usual 'well if you're sad then so am I'.

Is he always led by your emotions? If you're happy is he happy? if you're angry about something does he also become angry?

Yes, he seems really sensitive to it. It isn't just with me. I get when you are around someone there can be an overall shift in mood but this seems so much more? Like he feels whatever emotion it is, but greater, even if he isn't involved in what caused it. I struggle not to tell him just to get a grip

This doesn’t sound like empathy to me. Empathy would be understanding your feelings and looking to support you. This seems like a manoeuvre to place himself back at the centre of what’s happening. Like he needs to remain the focus at all costs - Maybe to avoid having to support you properly? It sounds exhausting and annoying whatever the motivation and I would respond by ignoring it and gathering support elsewhere until he learns to respond appropriately.

It's really hard isn't it, it's like someone trying to steal your own emotions

I couldn't take one moment of "well if you're sad then so am I"

How long has this been going on? Is it all the time? Every emotion or just negative emotions?

It sounds utterly exhausting.

"Like he feels whatever emotion it is, but greater, even if he isn't involved in what caused it. I struggle not to tell him just to get a grip "
No, it's like he SAYS he feels. To me it sounds as if he just can't bear not being the centre of attention. If you're sad, he doesn't want to comfort you; he wants the spotlight on him, him, him and for you to comfort him, seeing as he's the centre of the Universe.

Tell him to get a grip. I would.

I recently read a thread that I think would be perfect for you.

www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/hmwc5x/my_30m_wife_28f_cant_stand_my_empathy/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I don't think it is a conscious decision of his though, my mum likes to play martyr and you can almost see her thinking 'oh let's twist this and make me a victim'. His seems deeper rooted, he will have panic attacks, his breathing will shallow etc. He also has OCD regards to order and control and I can't help but feel this is somehow linked. Oh I don't know. I just feel like it is an emotional issue and just wondered if anyone had any experience similar?

That's not empathy, OP.

I've had people in my life like that (they often say they're 'empaths') who complain that it's all so draining because they feel everyone's emotions as if they're their own.

There are lots of reasons this could be happening and it might not always be narcissistic or manipulative, but regardless of whether there's an innocent reason (such as lack of social skills, being the victim of emotional abuse or undiagnosed neurodivergence), the effect is that it centres DH, hijacks your feelings and denies you personhood.

It's an emotionally immature response and I wouldn't expect him to change. IMO, you need to decide whether that's the life you want and act accordingly.

Perfect @VettiyaIruken

Thank you, I feel I need to show him this without him taking it wrong

Sorry, why does he have panic attacks?

What triggers them? You feeling sad?

Yes I've had similar, I left him.

It sounds v unhealthy, at best.

He needs boundaries, and he hasn't learned them.

Have you tried telling him what you need from him? He thinks he's supposed to identify with your pain- and he does, very effectively- but what you want is someone to balance your feelings and offer support.

He may be able to shift this with a bit of practice, and a reminder from you.

It depends if you want to invest in the relationship or walk away.