Husband doesn't want to attend antenatal classes/ baby care workshops

[Mervi]

Hi,

I'm 32 weeks pregnant to our first baby and trying to learn everything we would need to know about caring for our baby. I want to make myself ready as much as I can.

Oppositely, my husband can't even shows patience longer than 10 mins to anything related baby care or just simple baby needs- searching for a cot bed or a buggy, no nothing!
I booked 4 online taster classes, he was always disappeared- goes for a smoke, checks his phone at the other room, shortly after classes starts.

He wanted to have a kid more than me.He was the person who encouraged me but now he seems very irrelevant.He's just happy about the fact that we're going to have a child but I can't see any physical preparation beyond being happy or excited.

I find myself in a position that I'm alone, sorting out everything by myself and it's makes me so hurt.

Anyone out there dealing with similar situation ? Any advice would be appreciated.Thanks !

Maybe it just seems unreal to him, and he will focus more when the baby arrives? Or he is worried that by being too prepared he will jinx it?

What does he say when you raise it with him?

I was like your husband - I didn’t search for a cot bed, I got the cheapest £35 cot from ikea (and it was brilliant - it did all 3 of my children in the end without issue. So if I were you I would get that one!), I didn’t sign up for antenatal classes or baby care classes, I just figured that we would work it out. The only pre birth concession we made was buying a car seat and making sure we knew how to fit it.

It was fine.

I just wasn’t interested in all the flapping to try and get you to spend unnecessary money and couldn’t get worked up by it, so I didn’t bother.

my partner was the same. He wasn't interested in buying things for the baby, coming to the baby care classes and he only came to one scan and no other pregnancy appointments. All the baby prep was pretty much down to me. But to be honest that's the kind of person he is, preperation and organisation are not his strong points in any part of life, is your DP the same?

Despite his lack of participation during pregnancy, he turned out to be a great dad, watching youtube videos on how to change a nappy, reading about milestones and development and generally pulling his weight in terms of childcare and cleaning. But all of this started only after the baby arrived. I think some people just have to see the baby before they get so involved.

May be your being a bit intense for him and feels that he will pick it up as he goes along.

Neither me nor dh wanted to go to those classes, can't think of anything worse tbh, but each to their own.
They aren't compulsory and I don't blame him.
He's been and continues to be a wonderful dad to our grown up dc, but we wanted to do our own thing, not what an organiser of a group decided.

I wouldn't mind the no classes. But the smoking has to stop.

@TeenPlusTwenties

Maybe it just seems unreal to him, and he will focus more when the baby arrives? Or he is worried that by being too prepared he will jinx it?

What does he say when you raise it with him?

Hi doesn't say I don't want to but he simply gets bored and distracted. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to decide or understand all of this baby world things by yourself especially if you're first time parents. I wish he could be more helpful.

Hopefully he will be more focused when the baby arrives.

Thanks so much !

@Devlesko

Neither me nor dh wanted to go to those classes, can't think of anything worse tbh, but each to their own. They aren't compulsory and I don't blame him. He's been and continues to be a wonderful dad to our grown up dc, but we wanted to do our own thing, not what an organiser of a group decided.

Thanks for your reply !

I can understand not to choose to go classes.It's great that you take this decision together.So that's the thing I'm lacking for; whatever it is,taking the responsibility as a couple.He didn't show any interest and didn't come up with any suggestions during my pregnancy.It shouldn't be down on one person.

I think he’s being a shit. Tell him it’s important to you and he needs to show willing.

How much does he smoke? Will he carry on smoking once your baby arrives?

It could be that he's not interested in learning hypotheticals and will learn once the baby is here, but TBH he wouldn't be the first bloke to be all pushy about having a baby and then not actually bother to have any meaningful interaction with it after it's born.

I really hope it would be the first one. But you don't seem to feel like much of a team with him, which makes me concerned that it could be more likely to be the second. Do you feel like a team in other areas? You're married, did he do the same thing with the wedding - leave it all to you to organise and decide?

Most things you learn in babyclasses etc could have been communicated in 10 minutes, but are drawn out to get more money out of parents. Thry cash in on hormones of mums to be. Your partner realises that