Advice needed please - Daughter’s bad boyfriend

[Inastatus]

My 15 year old has been seeing a boy who is well known in our area for being a thug and a criminal. He is a year or 2 older than her, has been kicked out of school, drinks and does drugs. I warned her about him ages ago and she told me she wasn’t with him any more. I’ve now just found out that she slept with him a few weeks ago and I am so upset. She’s been lying to me all along and I just don’t know where to go from here.

We had a row last night and didn’t really solve anything, she went to bed and is not awake yet. From what I’ve heard, since they had sex it appears that he doesn’t want to know any more so I am desperately hoping that’s the end of it and I can help DD pick up the pieces and move on. But what if it isn’t? What the hell do I do? I’ve seen advice in similar situations to try and welcome the boy into the family and get to know him but there is no way my DD would bring him home to meet us.

Any advice on what to do please?

Your daughter is 15 and he is 17 - he has committed a criminal offence by having sex with her.
How is your relationship with her in general op? Can you sit her down and talk to her about your concerns? Would she listen?
If not then it might be time for some tough love. She is still a minor and you are the parent. Set boundaries and if she doesn’t stick to them then she faces consequences.

There's nothing like parental opposition to a boyfriend to make a teenager further determined to keep that relationship.

Don't make an enemy of your daughter. She needs support not hostility no matter what your feelings are towards him.

I agree with eatshoots if you try banning him she'll sneak out to see him and possibly engage in his bad behaviour. My daughter had gone through her teenage bad relationship and frequently says I don't see what I saw in them. She's now happily married.

harsh lesson probably learned, as he'll now tell the entire neighbourhood that she is a slag.

she needs an STD test.

do not welcome druggie scum into your house. You don't want anything to do with these low-lifes.

Thanks for your messages. I’ve spoken to her and she says it’s definitely over. Not sure I believe her but will be monitoring her more closely for the moment.

It might be hard but try and be as neutral as possible about him, just say things like hmm, oh dear, that's a shame. Please don't go down the road of openly criticising him, that will just make her more defensive.