Who has it worse?

[YenniferOfVengeberg]

It's a tiredness one! Inspired by the dressing gown of doom thread and the ongoing bickering between me and 'D'H.
7 month old doesn't sleep through the night. They don't. It's what babies do, I accept this.
I sleep with the baby. She is up for a feed between 2 and 4 times a night. Often co sleeps while starfishing and edging me out of bed. Once a week maybe is so resistant to being settled I call DH to help.
DH sleeps in the spare room. Usually through the night. He gets up with the 3 year old who is up without fail between six and six thirty. I'll generally give him the baby at six thirty and sleep for a hour or two.
We are both thoroughly knackered and the constant bickering about who has more right to be tired is driving me crazy (its me, yes?!)

just to add, I last slept uninterrupted through the night sometime in mid November

So he is in the spare room and gets up early but sleeps all night ? Of course you're the most tired goes without saying . Hope things improve soon you must be shattered

He thinks he is more tired even though he gets a full nights sleep every night

Do you breastfeed? If not say I’m so sorry you’re so tired dh, let’s switch around so you can have a break

Competitive tiredness is unhelpful and corrosive.

So we agree that with the rare exception I am the most tired because I’m breastfeeding and DD doesn’t sleep through the night and DH can sleep through fireworks and tornadoes...I assume

I think you are undoubtedly both tired but broken sleep is worse than not enough sleep. He can always go to bed an hour earlier once or twice a week if he's that exhausted.

Swap for a night or two and see how he copes with it.

I personally would struggle more with your dh's deal - once I am in a routine if being woken then it doesn't really bother me as long as I get a few hours in between. Dd sleeps from 11 - 2 - 5 - 8 with feeds at those times. Dh on the other hand can happily survive on 4/5 hours, but if you wake him in theniddle of the night he struggles. So basically I don't think either is better or worse, it's what affects you the most

I guess you are but frankly you only have yourself to blame. Stop co sleeping. Get your baby in a cot. Start sleeping with your husband. Put your baby on some kind of schedule. At seven months your baby doesn't need to feed four times a night. I know babies are different but my one big recommendation for any parent is routine routine routine. I never had my babies in with me. I never let them cry either. It was bed at 7.30, sleepy feed at 11, again at about 3 if they woke. From three months it was a sleepy feed at 11 and then they slept until 6. Dropped the 11pm feed at about a 6 - 7 months. Not always sleeping through the night but more often than not for sure.
My friends who were strict on bed times and feeding routines had good sleepers, others who let the babies rule the roost were strung out. As I said, i never let my babies cry, but the routine worked.

Of course you have it worse! He gets uninterrupted sleep! Ok he gets up early but that in no way compares to having no sleep at all.

Who wins by wasting time, energy and goodwill by arguing about who is most tired? Knock that on the head and instead sit down together to work out a schedule that feels feasible for both of you.

You are definitely more tired - broken sleep
Is what they do to torture people - a few early mornings is not the same - and ignore OP - routine works for some Babies (lucky you @Pipandmum! ) but most benefit hugely from sleeping with you and naturally will wake during the night until much older - this whole putting them in their own room thing is a new construct and a pretty damaging one at that. Dh needs to grow up and accept that you are tired. Things will
Get better but that will happen in your own time
And not on the schedule of some
Random poster online who doesn't know your baby and was very lucky to have babies for whom routine worked!

Yeah, damn those blasted roost-ruling babies and medal in the post for you Pip, you’re obviously a better parent than OP, me and every other mum or dad who acknowledges and accepts the biological norms can’t necessarily me overridden by routine...

Who's doing what in the daytime? Is DH furloughed?

@TitianaTitsling

Who's doing what in the daytime? Is DH furloughed?

No he's working from home during the day, and complaining that the 1-2 hours I have in the morning without baby mean he starts late (no set hours)

I agree with PP about competitive tiredness being really damaging in a relationship. DH and I were there when DD, a poor sleeper, was little, and it got to the point where we were unable to be sympathetic/empathetic with each other about anything as we were both so resentful of how much better off we perceived the other one to be.

Parenting young children is brutally hard, and a test for the strongest relationship, and IME the only way through it is for everyone to acknowledge that and support each other through it.

Sorry, that sounds a bit patronising, and for what it's worth I think you've got it harder, but it's easier to nod and smile and give each other a sympathetic hug than to grit your teeth and resent each other 😄

Here endeth the sermon 😬

Were your babies formula fed @Pipandmum?

@shadesofwinter

I agree with PP about competitive tiredness being really damaging in a relationship. DH and I were there when DD, a poor sleeper, was little, and it got to the point where we were unable to be sympathetic/empathetic with each other about anything as we were both so resentful of how much better off we perceived the other one to be.

Parenting young children is brutally hard, and a test for the strongest relationship, and IME the only way through it is for everyone to acknowledge that and support each other through it.

Sorry, that sounds a bit patronising, and for what it's worth I think you've got it harder, but it's easier to nod and smile and give each other a sympathetic hug than to grit your teeth and resent each other 😄

Here endeth the sermon 😬

It is. But after sleeping through in the spare room, he's taken himself off for a nap. The useless twat.