Pet dilemma

[LostTheBall]

DD (7yo) has been desperate for a pet for years. She has anxiety and we thought a pet would help her. We decided that a cat was the answer. DD decides on a name, cat arrives, DD is over the moon.

We also have 2 teenagers (DH's children from a previous marriage) who stay with us every other weekend. We all get on very well. They were also very excited about the cat. They wanted a different name so the cat has 2 names but we use DDs cat name. The penny should have dropped for me at this point but it didn't.

Now DD is very upset because she insists the cat is hers (and wants to cuddle her but the cats not having it but will settle on the older children because they are calmer). Older children insist it's a family cat. Not helped by them telling DD off - don't do this/that/the other with the cat. Tears and upset from DD.

So now we have upset in the family over a bloody cat. I should have seen it coming but as far as I was concerned the cat was DDs pet although she agreed that all the family get cuddles, play and live with it. DH doesn't want the older children feeling left out.

How do I resolve this?

#1 you don’t own a cat, they own you.
#2 cats will migrate/befriend the person that ignores them so don’t try too hard

3 some cats like you to play with them or bribe them with dreamies

How old are the SDC and why were they allowed to give the cat a second name.

You tell the older dc that the cat is your dd’s. I’m sure they’ll cope. Also, sto allowing them to call it something different and while they’re not there, teach her how to sit calmly so it comes to her-use food, whatever. It sounds really shit for your dd.

You are so right about cats owning us The cat loves to play with DD, the older DCs aren't so bothered about playing with it.

Older DCs didn't like the name and a row was brewing. I said it had to have DDs name. Everyone was happy with using 2 names. That was probably a mistake.

Older DCs are 16 and 18.

16 and 18? They sound like 5 year olds. I'd be telling them jog on. They are bullying your daughter.

Thanks Cherry, I'm with you. DH disagrees.

DD has been brilliant at staying as quiet and as still as she can be. Everyone calls the cat DDs name, but it has a 'full name' which is a bit daft but it stopped the complaints. So along the lines of Tigger Stripe, but it gets called Tigger.

Wow, 16 and 18? They sound less mature than your dd! Dh problem, as per. He needs to be on board to support your dd with HER pet. It isn’t the dscs’ cat, it’s hers. Presumably they’re not around full time?

No they aren't. You are right, the issue is DH. I would quite happily say it's DDs cat but it needs to come from him.

I don’t think a 7 year old should be told it’s their pet. It’s a family pet in my opinion and ultimately responsibility and ownership belongs to the adults.

However at 16 and 18 they should be able to be mature and not upset a 7 year old.

They all need to understand that the cat is a living thing and not there for their entertainment. I think as parents you need to make sure everyone respects that.

It depends if your older ones are "telling her off" spuriously for innocuous actions, or if your youngest is simply not being kind to the cat. If she is being a bit rough with it, then she shouldn't be allowed to do that just because it's nominally hers.

What does it mean in practice to say it's her cat anyway? Does she feed it, do the litter tray, expect to take it off someone else when it's settled, what? I think we'd take the view that who owns the cat is a completely moot point. The cat is welcome to sit on whomever it pleases until either party has had enough. DD will only become the cat's favourite by winning it over. She can't expect the older ones to give up the cat to her or avoid playing with it because it's "hers". It's an animal not a toy.

You can't do anything to convince a cat to sit on you. I do everything for my two, buy them treats, treat them like queens and they belong totally to my husband - follow him around from dawn to dusk and pine when he is at work. Cats aren't really the type of pet you can say belongs to anyone in particular.

However, the older ones shouldn't be telling off your DD, it's not their place to do so. Unless she's hurting or upsetting it, in which case I would expect them to let you or your husband know.

You can’t treat a cat like a moving soft toy, if it wants to sit on another adults lap then you have to allow that. Pets need to be family pets.

I know she’s 7 but she needs to learn to see things from the cats point of view, they need calm. Why not watch some Jackson galaxy videos on YouTube about catifaction? The more you put in the more you get out.

Your poor daughter, it's her pet, yes everyone loves/cares for it but you got it for her
Your SC have no right to ride rough shod over this and decide it needs another name,. They are old enough to offer advice if they see something they are uncomfortable with, not tell her off

It's a very fair point about the name. I think there is a deal to be struck here. Teens need to use the name DD has chosen but for all other practical purposes it's a family cat.

There are no easy answers with blended families but I feel for the teens. You clearly can't give them their "own" pet too, but I can understand them being really hurt that you could have so easily had a family pet who everyone had a stake in, and you chose not to. It must feel like favouritism to them.

We have been trying to decide on a pet for DD for a long time. The pet is because DD is usually on her own because the older DCs aren't around. The DC had no interest when we were discussing hamsters. Clearly the cat isn't going to stick with one person but DD is responsible for food, water, litter tray etc.

It's a learning curve for DD. She's excitable and while she knows the cat isn't a toy and will do it's own thing, it's hard when you see your siblings getting all the cat time because they are natural lounge lizards, lying on the sofa attached to their phones. Natural cat cushions We wouldn't normally see them for dust.