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Original poster

Theft- not sure what to do

19 replies

EmbarrassedUser · 09/07/2020 12:37

DH and I paid £100 towards a school trip for DSD with the ex paying £100 and FIL paying £100 as DSD birthday present. Due to Covid it couldn’t go ahead. We’ve been waiting for so long for a refund yet about 2 weeks ago FIL said he’d had his. It turns out that a letter went out to the household where the children reside and the parent had to nominate a bank account for a refund. £300 was paid to her and she transferred £100 to FIL. We’ve had nothing. She’s now refusing to pay back our money. This is theft isn’t it? The money was for the intention of a school trip and not for her to just spend. We feel like we should do something but surely getting the Police involved is too much isn’t it?!!

OP posts:
student26 · 09/07/2020 12:40

No, that is theft. Have you told her you will go to the police if it’s not returned?

ShellsAndSunrises · 09/07/2020 12:41

Did you give the money to DSD’s mum, or pay the school directly?

On the face of it, yes, she’s stolen your money. It was given to her for a specific purpose, that didn’t go ahead and she should have given it back. But legally it may not be that clear cut.

AvoidingRealHumans · 09/07/2020 12:42

It is theft, I think calling the police is a bit over the top though.

Does your husband pay maintenance? Could he tell the mum that he will be keeping back £100 if she doesn't give the money back.
What a cheeky thing to do on her part.

Lightofthephoenix · 09/07/2020 13:00

Just make the next Maintenance payment £100 short

Original poster
EmbarrassedUser · 09/07/2020 13:17

We gave the school the money directly. Regarding the CMS, I know for a fact that’s a no go as all she has to do is ring them and say she’s been underpaid and it goes on arrears. I can’t believe she’s sink so low, sad really.

OP posts:
AvoidingRealHumans · 09/07/2020 13:36

Well in that case I would send her a message saying that you're sorry she has fallen on such hard times that she has had to resort to becoming a thief, if she was that desperate she should have asked for some extra support.

Obviously this is a thing of principles and rightly so but could you comfortably go without the money? - I would have to let it go but in future before paying the school I would make it very clear to them what had happened this time and that you would like a separate receipt and if for any reason they need to refund, that the amount paid by you goes back to you rather than mum.

Original poster
EmbarrassedUser · 09/07/2020 15:41

@AvoidingRealHumans Fortunately we can afford to let the money go so if it comes to it then maybe it’s what we’ll have to do. The sad thing is that if she was struggling that much for £100 then DH would have given it. However, sorry for the drip feed but I only found out 30 mins ago that she bought DSD an iPad to make up for the trip. It was bought the day after the refund was made. Not impressed. Is it too early for a Gin Wine

OP posts:
PinkyBrain · 09/07/2020 15:44

At least it was spent on dsd I suppose but she could have discussed it first, not acceptable at all to just pocket the money and not say anything.

Tavannach · 09/07/2020 15:46

I don't think it's theft if she spent it on DSD. That's what it was intended for. Pity she didn't discuss it first, but you don't sound very well-disposed towards her so understandable.

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2020 15:47

@EmbarrassedUser

We gave the school the money directly. Regarding the CMS, I know for a fact that’s a no go as all she has to do is ring them and say she’s been underpaid and it goes on arrears. I can’t believe she’s sink so low, sad really.
Surely it can be proven she wasn't underpaid?
thecatneuterer · 09/07/2020 15:51

The Police would surely say it's a civil matter. Small Claims Court would be your best bet.

SD1978 · 09/07/2020 15:51

Has your husband underpaid?

Horsemad · 09/07/2020 16:02

Pretty poor of the school not to reimburse the actual payer(s). This wouldn't have happened if they'd done that and it's probably not that unusual that divorced/separated parents would make separate payments for trips like this.

IwishIhadaMargarita · 09/07/2020 16:10

Does your husband help pay for DSD’s Christmas In addition to CMS? If so then tell ex she’ll be getting £109 less so she better keep that money.

IwishIhadaMargarita · 09/07/2020 16:10

*£100 less

Lovelydovey · 09/07/2020 16:24

To be honest I’d mention to the school that they should have refunded each individual payee, not just to one household. You can’t be the only family this has affected and they should resolve this in future.

I’d also make the point to DSD’s mum that she should have involved you in the decision to spend it on an iPad as it was your money. But then I’d let it go if you can afford to.

Original poster
EmbarrassedUser · 09/07/2020 21:55

@IwishIhadaMargarita We do Christmas completely separately so if we knocked of £100 then DSD would just get £100 less that DSS. I think we’re just going to have to suck it up. I think we are going to make a complaint to the school though because as PP said I doubt we’re the only family this has happened to.

OP posts:
IwishIhadaMargarita · 09/07/2020 22:27

@EmbarrassedUser ah well you can’t do that but next trip no payment.

ivegotthisyeah · 09/07/2020 22:31

That's not on from the ex- I was in the same situation me and DD dad has paid towards a school trip the money came back to me and I said to school and him I would give him his share back.
Then I found out when I got the cheque he hadn't even paid his share 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ bit still I was more than willing to return his had he paid.

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