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What do you make of this?

6 replies

Bbq1 · 08/07/2020 14:10

I tried to start this thread a few weeks ago but accidentally put it in the Coronaviris section.
Basically it's about a friendship with a colleague. We met at my previous work place over 20 years ago when friend was on a placement there. She left, I moved jobs and she was already there. We picked up our friendship and were quite close. We got on really well and dh and I went to her wedding, we would go to hers in our lunch break, we had tea after work occasionally and later on, took our ds's on days out. I was then off seriously ill for a couple of years and she was supportive, visiting me at home etc. When I returned to work I immediately sensed a shift. While I was off she had become very close to a group of much younger colleagues. I felt awkward around her because although not unfriendly it just felt like she wasn't interested in our friendship like before. It sounds petty but she moved away from sitting together to the other people. There was an issue around a celebration she planned for one of her new friends. I wasn't invited along with various other people whereas other people that she wasn't specifically friends with were invited. Jump to lockdown and i thought I'll get in touch and try and rekindle it a bit. I texted her how are you etc and she replied ,,"I'll call you tomorrow, it's easier to talk". I say "OK, that's good". Following day, no call. About a week later she texted me to say "Sorry, I forgot to call you last week. I definitely will tomorrow, i won't forget". I replied "No worries etc". That was about a month ago. I've heard nothing. I've considered contacting her again as if nothing has happened or asking her what's happened to our friendship or just leaving it now. We never had a falling out or grew apart gradually, it was like she just suddenly changed.

OP posts:
teaflake · 08/07/2020 14:42

Tbh, I'd just leave it.

Lollypop4 · 08/07/2020 14:45

I'd just leave it, You've tried.
She clearly doesnt want that type of friendship with you anymore, and thats ok, bit crappy on her part but is ok.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2020 14:48

Her actions have told you more than her words would. Just let it go.

imsooverthisdrama · 08/07/2020 14:56

Some people like to have a close friend then if circumstances change then they may move on and replace you . I know it sounds odd you can be friends with lots of people and you certainly don't replace people for no reason but it happens .
It happened to me good friends years ago with a colleague was even my dc godmother. Anyway I took redundancy she didn't and that's it completely dumped. I tried contacting many times and nothing. I didn't do anything she did the same to another mutual friend too , it was just she'd moved on and replaced us with other friends .In hindsight we remember if she mentioned a friend then after so long she's not mention again so she's always done this .
I think the thing is people aren't friends to my ex friend and your ex friend they are just people that are she spends time with .
Like others say leave it you've tried and she's rude to not even reply back , don't invest any more time with her.

Bbq1 · 08/07/2020 15:22

Thanks everyone. It's helped me clarify it now. It's just weird when you've not actually fallen out and you've been friends for so many years. Time to let it go though. I'll be civil in work when we return if we have to work on something together but that's it. @Imso Sorry that you were treated badly, it's very confusing when a friend just cuts contact. I am very loyal to my friends but she clearly isn't. Like you said, maybe her friends are just people she gets what she needs from at the time. I'm not hurt by it, was just a bit mystified really but so many little snubs down the line, I'm done.

OP posts:
imsooverthisdrama · 08/07/2020 16:10

I agree I was a bit confused at first with my friend , I hoped I'd not upset her or anything but there was no reason people are just odd .

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