DH has cancer and I don't know how to cope anymore

[HariPnut]

I'm sorry for the truly depressing thread, I had no idea where else to post this.

I took DH to hospital in December with a fever. He ended up being diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma, hospitalised and put on life support.

He was in hospital until March, when he discharged himself due to coronavirus visiting restrictions and we have been shielding at home while I look after him since.

We have 2 children, 8 and 2.

His chemo has started to work so well that he will have a stem cell transplant in August. I do not feel prepared for this. He will have to stay in hospital for around 6 weeks, and I don't know if I will be allowed to visit him. The doctors have been honest with us about it being a risky procedure but one that is in his best interest.

I am so scared. I won't tell him how scared I am because I know he is scared too, and I really want to be strong for him and be positive.

How do people cope with this? As we are shielding I've not had much support like I would. I would really just like someone to tell me they've been through it and it turned out fine.

Thanks in advance

I'm so sorry. I haven't been through this, so I can't tell you it will all be ok (though I wish I could), but I'm offering a handhold. Have you received any support for yourself? Macmillan have resources to help family members dealing with their loved ones cancer diagnosis, including virtual counselling I believe. It might help for you to talk to someone who understands the treatment. all the best

I just thought I would share my positive story with you.
My oldest and best friend has been through exactly the same and 4 years on she is fit, well and looking forward to a long & happy life.
She endured months of treatment, chemo etc and I won't lie it was an awful time for her but she had a successful stem cell transplant and it was life changing for her.
Everyone but her husband stayed away for the period after her transplant when she was most at risk and she didn't see her children for a while which was incredibly difficult for her but it was the best way of keeping her safe and her best chance of recovering.

Op grab every offer of help & support available to you and your family. Definitely contact Macmillan, they are so knowledgeable & supportive. Reach out to family, friends etc and keep posting here

I also have a positive story to tell you.

My husband had stage 4 lymphoma...around 14 years ago. He is sitting here next to me! He didn't have to have a stem cell transplant but did have chemo, radio and immutherapy.

I know how hard it is to feel positive and to try and hide all the feelings you have from the one person you would normally share these things with. We found some (very random) people a real source of strength and people we knew very well let us down, sadly.

Are there school mums you can share this with? I am sure some of them will leap into action and assist with childcare, meals etc.

Well done for getting this far and I hope the positive stories have given you strength. I will only touch on mine (as not a positive one) in the hopes it will help you see this through. My sister was diagnosed with Lymphoma 3 years ago after a 3-month period of illness. Because of the delay in starting treatment, she suddenly passed away at home the night before her first oncology appointment landed on the mat. You are in a great position with the treatment he's had so far and the future must be looking much better than it was - I'm sending you all a big hug 🤗. (I'm sorry if I've distressed you, it wasn't my intention). Good luck 🤞 🤞 🤞