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Pregnant and unhappy in relationship. Need advice

4 replies

Mslady04 · 08/07/2020 00:56

Hello. So I have been with my fiance for over 5 years now. Are relationship has been rocky for about 2.5 years. I do not cheat, I am honest and loyal, and no matter what happens I just expect the same in return. We have recently been on edge and thinking about breaking up. I just found out I am pregnant. We love each other but is that enough. Lately it seems (before knowing I was pregnant) like he doesn't ever want to be around me, talk to me, date, do anything with me. He could talk to other people for hours and all night. He has been staying up all night and not sleeping in the bed and I will come to find him at 330 am talking to people on the phone, sending messages, or pictures and then hurry out of them when he sees me. It definitely seems like something is up to me. He swears he is not cheating. Guess deny deny deny until you get caught. I already have another child from a previous relationship and she is 10, so it feels like I am starting over. I wanted move kids, but would rather it be in a loving relationship and planned. I plan to keep the baby. He just seems so sneaky and secretive lately. Another thing is he drink A LOT, but isnt ready to change that. He gets worked up to where he will start to blame things on me and make me feel worthless. It's like we have nothing to talk about. We could be in the same room sitting on opposites sides of the couch, but still unhappy and no communication. I just don't trust him. He has lied to me so many times before about the smallest things. Before the virus he would stay out from 2-4 am not knowing what he is doing. Won't answer my calls, won't text back, then gets defensive when I call him out. I am so lonely in this relationship. Its like we barely have anything in common, few shared interest, and little to talk about. He likes to pick peoples brains and I'm more quiet and introverted and have suffered from anxiety and depression. He has many friends and I barely have any. I just dont know what to do. It seems as though he still loves me as a person, but he no longer likes me or is in love with me. I'm sure everyone else sparks his interest and he can so easily open up to them, but not me. I just don't know what to do. Leave and focus on myself and the baby, stay and try to find my own interest and life. He has asked me if he could keep the baby after it was born!!!!!!! That really blew my mind. That let me know he was already done with me. Then comes around and says he wants to work it out. I'm just so confused as to what to do. Let him experience this journey of pregnancy, or just leave and focus on my own health, but of course let him be in his child's life. Just seems like we are on two different paths. :/

OP posts:
movinggoalposts · 08/07/2020 01:09

I’m sorry that your pregnancy has come at a difficult time. Babies have a tendency not to fix things so I think you need to take a good hard look at how things are. Big hugs.

Anordinarymum · 08/07/2020 01:33

Maybe you both need some time out to work out what you really want.

Mslady04 · 08/07/2020 01:42

We just signed a new lease. So I'm not sure whether to let him just get the house and I find an apartment, or be smart and just live together and save money before the baby comes. At the same time peace is very big for me, and if I don't have that sometimes I think it isn't worth it to stress. He doesn't have much regard for my thoughts and feelings because at the end of the day he does what he wants. I think he has just gotten comfortable because he knows I am always home and there. Maybe time apart is best, but I would be doing it alone. No friends/family to stay with during this time.

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Anordinarymum · 08/07/2020 01:52

You say he is doing sneaky things. If he is doing this now, how will your situation improve? Take some time out and look after yourself. Rest your mind and don't be there to observe his dodgy goings on.

Sometimes a relationship runs it's course, so a baby will not mend it IMHO.

Having said that, having time out might help you both to decide what you really want

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