Annoying sister/niece

[Hellothere19999]

Hi! My niece is 12 and my sis a few years older than me... basically my sis divorced her hubby a few years ago and the kid became a right brat (I used to really like her) but she is just a clone of my sister, makes sarky comments etc and abit sassy. As a member of the family it gets excused as “that’s just how she is - abit sassy”. Since I’ve had a baby tbh I just find her rude. My partner doesn’t wish to come to family events which I think is fine as he will get annoyed about her saying sarky comments about my parenting and calling my baby “boring”. It annoys me so I wouldn’t expect it to not annoy him. I don’t wish to say anything to my sister as she either excuses my nieces behaviour or is really nasty to her or makes her own sarky comments. Anyway, my brother thinks I should tell my sister it bothers me but I would prefer to just limit all interaction. Thoughts?

I think I'd just limit all interaction.

But if my niece or sister were rude to my DH, child, or to me, I'd be telling them I thought they were not being funny, not being clever, not being 'sassy', they were being plain old, bog standard, boringly commonly rude.

What do you do when she's rude to you? Tbh I'd be tempted to go with something my mum used to say to us when we were being shocking nightmares - "aren't you embarrassed to have said something so rude?" and when you get the inevitable sarky "no", a response of "well, you should be, you've made yourself look pretty unpleasant. I'm embarrassed for you." Always made me feel about 2 foot tall.

I wouldn't be cutting them out though, they've had a shit time. If your sister/family say "that's just who she is, she's sassy", maybe try reminding them that other people will just think she's a dick, and she's likely to have a tough time making friends if you don't encourage her to be a little more pleasant.

Hahaha thank you for your replies, all very sensible!!! I’ve never felt brave enough to just say it is how it is but I do feel sometimes I should. Thank you!

@theproblemwitheyes well the couple of times it’s happened I’ve said something like don’t play with her if she’s so boring... but the other day she said it again and I said “she’s a baby she needs to sleep” and my sister got very defensive and was like “she didn’t say your kid is boring she said KIDS are boring” but... she was talking about my kid so 🤔🧐

I would be being very blunt about it, if i were you.

Your sister is being shitty about this because she's aware that her daughter's bad behaviour makes her look like a bad parent - if she accepts that her kid is rude, it's accepting that she's not doing a good job of raising her. By refusing to admit that her daughter is doing anything wrong she gets to keep feeling like a good mum. It's probably coming from a place of deep insecurity made worse by the divorce.

If i were you, I'd be being very firm about the rudeness. If your sister starts with the "she didn't mean it because XYZ" nonsense I'd be matter of fact, and say "regardless of what she meant, it sounded very rude, and i don't appreciate it."

@theproblemwitheyes thank you! I definitely will. I appreciate your advice! I am often not brave enough to say such things 😂

If she has grown up around snarky rude comments (from your sister) then I guess she is copying what ha been modelled for her. It sounds pretty sad to be that way by 12.

I personally would go for the direct but kind approach to your niece. Maybe saying something something like “Don’t say things like that to my baby, I don’t like it” when she says something rude. I would also try really hard to show her kindness and positivity (if you have that type of relationship with her) to try to counter act what she is getting from her mum.

Maybe a word with your sister...but by the sounds of it that wouldn’t make a difference.

It's only happened a couple of times and she said "kids are boring" so now you want to cut contact?

She sounds like a teenager, your kid is boring as are other kids. Especially when you're 12. Are you sure this isn't you being a bit PFB?

@youhave4substitutes lol yes I appreciate that, it’s other sarky comments too that she’s copied from my sister (they slag off my cousins parenting too)... when she has said the sarky comments I ask her to repeat it and she won’t... and I’m not intending the fully cut contact more trying to find out how others would handle it as yes, she is only 12 but also, I do find it rude.