In 48 hours I'll be a Mum- help please?

[BakerlooLine]

I'm having my first baby on Wednesday! I am a bundle of nerves and am just reaching out for any words of wisdom or support or a virtual hand hold.

I'm having an ELCS due to tokophobia and I haven't told anyone about it except my DH as I'm scared! Everyone thinks we've still got a week and a half till due date. I've done well with managing my anxiety about the birth and trying to stay positive, going focus on my breathing exercises etc. Trying not to worry about Covid even though DH will need to leave after the birth.

This baby is very much wanted. I'm 40 and had fertility issues so it took a while. But I'm suddenly scared about what's to come! It feels so strange thinking that by the weekend, all being well, we will be at home with our child! I'm scared I won't bond and I'm suddenly scared I will miss my old life! I don't know if it's made more real because I've lived so long without DC!

I know this is probably completely normal to feel suddenly scared. I keep telling myself, billions of women go through this everyday!

Can anyone offer any tips for me or just empathy / understanding of this feeling? DH has been great and lovely, but I haven't spoken to any women / Mums.

I had a ELCS for the same reason. I had severe pre-natal depression and anxiety and was terrified that I wouldn’t bond with my baby. He’s 2 now and having him is the best thing I have ever done - we have an amazing bond!

I sometimes miss being able to do things from my old life, like travelling, but I would never change the experience of being a mum for the world. Plus I can always travel more in the future when he is older.

It’s normal to feel nervous. It’s a big life change. But I think you’ll be fine

Congratulations OP how exciting, I’m sitting planning DD’s first birthday so this really takes me back!

I haven’t had a section so can’t offer any advice on that front but take comfort that just about every mum feels the way you do now. It’s probably enhanced because you know exactly when you’ll become a mum- eek! Honestly you will be amazing, it’s a huge change so it’s normal to be scared.

Be kind to yourself and your DH, always remember you are a team. Make life easier for yourself when you can and take it day by day. Once your in the thick of it it’s really not that scary and I’m sure you’ll be a great mum!

It’s okay to miss your old life from time to time, but the joy of your new one overtakes that feeling 95% of the time. I don’t feel liked I bonded until I brought her home, maybe it was the hospital environment or I needed time but I did happen and I’m sure it will for you too.

Good luck x

I can tell from reading your OP that you will be more than fine. A little tip from me is lots of skin to skin with baby, not just post birth but going forwards. Your body will produce oxytocin which promotes feelings of love, security and helps with feeling bonded. Good luck.

Ah you will be fine

I’ve had to C-sections. I’d recommend getting mint to drink as I suffered from trapped wind.

They want you up and walking about as fast as you can but remember you’ve just had major surgery so don’t over do it ( I tore my scar on dd3) and dont be afraid to keep asking for decent pain relief if you need it.

When you get home please rest potter about if you must but honestly you need to really rest.

Prepare food for when you get back.

Prepare your bottles if your going to bottle feed. I was so tired after dd3, lost a lot of blood and needed transfusion and struggled to breast feed so dh has to run to boots to get bottle equipment.

Retire to the couch with your new baby and don’t get off it for a week!

Oh and wait untill you smell your new babies head. It’s glorious 💗💗

Good luck!!

My c section was the best day of my life!

Oh how exciting OP!

It’s completely normal to worry or feel nervous, but you will be absolutely fine. Very soon you’ll be cradling your lovely little newborn baby and you will have forgot anything you were worrying about.

Yes life does change after a baby, but I 100% wouldn’t change anything or wish my ‘old’ life back.

Advice is make sure you do rest! Housework, washing and all of that can wait, just make the most of the precious time snuggled up with your baby. It’s also ok to ask for help or advice. And feeling like your failing as a new mum when your baby is crying and you’ve tried everything is completely normal, your not a failure some babies (yes you DS ) just like to cry more than others.

Good luck

OP it's absolutely normal to feel like this. I'm only 10 weeks pregnant with my third and I already feel worried that I won't bond with the baby, I'm terrified of giving birth again, and terrified of pnd. I don't really have any advice to offer as to how to stop those feelings, but you are not alone. Maybe don't tell anyone until after baby comes? Might take some of the pressure off. Also follow your instincts when baby does arrive, sleep when you can, try not to worry about silly things (everyone does with a new born and silly little things can seem huge), if you do feel down or sad tell someone. I didn't with my second and I really needed help, and I think that's why I'm so scared this time.

I became a mum for the first time at 40 (last year). It had taken so long simply because I wasn't sure I wanted to have a child, was scared of losing my old way of life, scared of having to go to a doctor/hospital. I had never so much as changed a nappy - whenever friends had babies I would smile politely but refuse to hold them.. no interest at all. I got to 40 and realised that if we didn't try for a baby soon then I may never have the chance. I spent most of the pregnancy terrified and in total denial that a baby was coming (nothing was purchased until about 3 days before I went in for my induction).

And you know what... being a mum is absolutely brilliant. The bond did not come straight away, it took a few weeks, but that's fine. Now I cannot imagine life without her. I fully expected to have to 'endure' the baby stage.. but in fact it's amazing!

Some tips from me:

Assuming you are both qualified and can afford it, try to take shared parental leave. My husband and I were both at home for the first 8 weeks - being able to share that first month made it much more bearable - I honestly don't see how I would have coped if it had just been me on my own for the first month.

Accept all help offered - even if that's just to allow you to sleep on the sofa for a bit.

If you are formula feeding, make your life easier initially and use the pre-made stuff. It's expensive but so much easier in the middle of the night to just grab some pre-made. You can move to powder when you've got the hang of things.

Don't worry if you don't bond immediately... I think too much store is put into this. I didn't initially but all of a sudden at about 4 weeks I got a lovely grin from my baby at a 3am nappy change, and from there it seemed to click!

Take time to keep your own interests up. I assume this is more difficult if you are breastfeeding, but as I wasn't I was much more able to get out and about. On my baby's one month birthday I left her at home with her dad and went to a football match. Great dad and daughter time, a nice return to normality for me. Breastfeeding aside there is no reason why you can't continue fun activities, it just takes teamwork.

Thank you for these responses! I've just picked up my meds so it's all very real now.

It's going to be hard to keep my own interests and accept help from others purely down to the virus meaning we will be at home by ourselves for the foreseeable. But DH is being great and doing everything so hopefully I will just be able to focus on the baby and ignore any housework or other chores.

Interesting to note that many women didn't feel a bond until later. I will keep that in mind so i don't feel like a massive failure if it's not there straight away.

I hope I have all these exciting moments to look forward to.

Brings back so many happy memories to me op!

Remember the fact that you care and are worried about this makes you a great mum!

Your life is about to change and you will never be the same again as a person but it is the most wonderful, amazing miracle on earth. Enjoy op - come back this time next year and tell us how it went!

I’ve had 2 sections. One emergency and one elective. Both were very positive experiences, very calm, and recovery wasn’t so bad. Make sure to keep on top of your pain meds, and you might want something to write down what you have taken when, for when you are in charge of it yourself, because I remember struggling to remember just in my head.

I’m sure you’ve done some reading up but although you don’t feel any pain during the section, you will feel some “tugging”. Some people describe the sensation as a bit like a washing machine going round. It’s strange but not painful.

Don’t push yourself with your recovery. Take it slowly, get your DH to do the “heavy lifting”. Baby steps.

All normally feelings, well they were for me! I had the same feelings with both my babies. The fact you’re having these feelings and acknowledging them suggests you will be just fine! Lots of skin to skin and snuggling. I had so many expectations with my first, I was frustrated with certain things in the early days, but once I was too tired to expect anything things clicked into place. I had zero expectations with my 2nd and things were very easy. Housework can wait, accept help. Only have visitors you want (when appropriate with current situation) just enjoy what you can, but it’s ok to feel overwhelmed at times just keep talking to those around you

The bonding thing straight away and the feelings of love you hear about often don’t happen straight away and that is perfectly ok and normal. Birth is hard, and exhausting regardless of which way you do it. My last labour lasted two days so the only thing I felt was relief.

I had tokophobia but my midwife was rubbish and ignored me. I then went in for my induction and was a bag of nerves and couldn't stop crying. Again the midwife there ignored me. I was in labour for hours and my baby's heartbeat kept dropping every time the induction was increased so I turned round and demanded an emergency c section and they agreed. I hate anything medical and it was so good! As much as having a baby scared the hell out of me I will definitely try for another but will have an elected c section next time.

The first 6 weeks were quite hard but my baby is nearly 6 months now and I'm finding things a lot easier (although she requires more attention).

You'll be a great mum! Good luck!

I didn't have a c section so can't advise anything around that.

When it comes to bonding and how you feel afterwards, it's best to give yourself the time to recover from the massive thing that has happened to you. You've just become a new role for you and it can take some time to adjust to a new way of thinking about yourself. All of that along with your body being in pain and limited sleep and possibly having family invade your space can be overwhelming. You can do it though - don't expect to feel like you're completely on top of it from the very beginning but you'll work out your new rhythm with your lovely baby.

When my ds was born, I spent the first few weeks crying over nothing and everything. The day I decided that I might need to ask for help for my mh, the heaviness lifted and suddenly DS was the loveliest little man in the world. I remember feeling really worried that if I looked for help that he would be taken from me (completely irrational and I'm a social worker so I knew it was irrational) but paradoxically, once I gave myself permission to need and ask for it, I didn't need it anymore.

How did you get on op? Do you feel like the consultant has sewn your belly to your leg?

Make sure you keep up your meds and congratulations from us