DH in hospital, DCs just want me to tell them everything will be OK

[UltimateWednesday]

But I don't know if it will.

Waiting on a diagnosis but doctors are going quite grave, some scary words being mentioned.

DC are 17 & 19 so not little and generally sensible rational enough. I can see their eyes begging me to say everything will be OK, but I've never made them a promise I couldn't keep.

I don't know what to say to them They're good lads but I'm very aware they are at a prime "going off the rails" age, especially if faced with a big trauma.

Thanks for updating OP. Wishing you all the best

I'm sorry I've nothing more useful to add, except that your DS is correct. DH had cancer as an 18mo baby and has survived 60+ years with only one kidney with no ill effect

I honestly believe in these situations there are so many right ways to do things, and you just have to say what you feel is best at the time.
It’s no good saying everything will be ok, but it’s also no good having a pessimistic outlook constantly.
You just have to stick together.
I was 18 went my mum got diagnosed with cancer, she didn’t tell me until it was too late, by which time I had already found out through a family member accidentally and I was devastated.
Just be as open and honest as possible, but also give yourself a break, you are hurting and confused just as much

I am so sorry to read this.
I really hope they come up with a positive treatment plan.

op if its bladder or kidney cancer I am going to suggest you get information from one of the "proper" cancer sites
This will help you understand the little bits of information your husband has told you & help you to ask him the right questions & give him support - usually hospitals give you appoint of contact (specialist nurse or radiographer) who your husband (you) can phone to ask questions)
ie stage etc
it will help you both to know the treatment options
surgery/radiotherapy/chemo etc
Dh went through a really tough time with cancer my dc were aprox your dc age - I think it brought us together but be aware they may not want to know too much detail so go at their pace
Cancer - even advanced cancer doesn't mean that it cant be treated & that he can still maintain good life quality for a length of time
Covid had made a tough time even harder

Your DS1 is right. My DF (age 70 at the time) had one removed due to cancer and is now 4 years clear. Fingers crossed it’s all nicely contained and you can have a similar outcome. Sorry you’re going through this scary time

So sorry you’re going through this OP.

All you can do is be honest with them, but your DS1 is right. People can live with only one kidney, and I would be inclined to acknowledge that while at the same time pointing out that at the moment you just don’t know what the future holds.

My DS was thirteen when I was diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, and he has been there on several occasions when it’s been touch and go as to whether I would make it through the night. I have always been very honest with him, and if I haven’t been able to be there my family have been.

He knows everything about my medical condition including the fact that my only hope of long-term survival will be a heart transplant, even though I’m still well enough not to be on the list yet.

I wouldn’t have wanted him to go looking stuff up on the internet rather than finding out the truth from me. he does still take the attitude that of course I am going to survive and be alright, and he’s right, I might be. But he’s also aware that one day, I might not.

Thanks everyone, haven't heard anything yet but the discharge letter he has from hospital (they sent him home on the condition that I could do the injections, which I have been doing) says the tumour is 5mm, which seems very small to me, so that must be good news?

I just wanted to come and give some advice, having been the child in this situation just a few months ago. Definitely be honest with them and say that you don't know how this will turn out. Tell them that you will all get through this together, whatever the outcome is. I hope you have a good outcome, there is a lot that doctors can do nowadays. If things turn out to be not so good I'll come back with some more advice, but right now it seems insensitive. Take everything one day at a time

At their ages I would keep it factual and based on what the next step is. The eventual outcome is too far away to focus on anyway - look at the next step. This is what we did when FIL was very ill a few years ago and it seemed to help.

But lots and lots of people get cancer - most people don't die of it, if I understand correctly. It's still not a nice thing to go through at all but it's definitely not a death sentence. Of course that also massively depends on what type of cancer, where and how old the person is and what their general health is otherwise.

At that age I think they realise parents are human too and don’t know everything.
It’s perfectly ok to say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m a bit scared too but doctors are amazing/it’s too early to know anything yet’

dh is at the moment cooking dinner :) his treatment (except annual check ups) ended over 10 years ago - & he had a very scary time for over a year