Change of surname?

[strawberriesunited]

NC but frequent poster...
Want to change my surname, baby is partners surname and that is the surname i'd like to change to.
I'm really not fancying marriage yet as i'm still quite young (22) financially independant anyway, house is rented!
Anyway, babies surname is my partners as i really didn't want her to have anything to do with my family name, i was abused as a young child by somebody with the surname and then my grandparents who gave us the surname took his side and haven't spoken to me for about 10 years its obviously not the surnames fault but i just don't want anything to do with that side of the family/the past anymore. My mum and dad think it would be a good idea to change and my partner doesn't mind as he would love us all to be a family (also get married) but my friends think i'm crazy?
Is it really that crazy or is it a justified thing to do? Could do with a few thoughts from people who don't know me personally please!

@strawberriesunited hey! I'm having a similar thing (not the same back story as you) I am not married to the father of my baby we are together but we are both divorced and as much as one day I would like to get married it is not something I will do lightly again and he also feels the same. I don't want my baby to have a different surname to me but I also feel it should have my partners surname, I don't like the idea of doing a double-barreled surname. I am thinking about changing my surname it's just something is holding me back. I didn't take my Ex Husbands surname when I got married and I guess I like having my name as my independents but it's different now like you said family unit you want to feel like your all together

I think in your situation it might be nice to have a family name and feel like your starting fresh. How long have you been with your partner?
Anyway here if you want to go over it :)

Hey @CharisA thanks for responding! We've been together about 3 years now, im also 10 weeks pregnant with our second child so it'll be another baby with his surname! Part of me just thinks i have absolutely no emotional connection at all to this surname and i would be glad to see the back of it but the other part is just a bit wary and i'm not sure why!
How long have you and your partner been together?

@strawberriesunited yea I feel the same feel like something is holding me back from just going with it and changing my name... I mean it's my surname....why do I feel so unsure...seems silly doesn't it!

I've been with my partner two years and im 18 weeks pregnant (first child)

Also my partners surname isn't awful it's a nice surname not like Butt or Shitter 😂 so really seems so silly to be so unsure but I guess part of it is that's your name you've had it since before you can remember it's the fact its been a constant in your life.... But also changing a surname might he a faff with the passport and driving licence and bank but really all in all its a nice thing and I think if your not ready to get married like im not maybe doing the step of changing your surname will make you feel part of the family with out the pressure of the wedding

Get married.
Don't have a (big) wedding, unless you want one.

@CharisA yeah i totally agree! I have a holiday later on this year so going to leave it until after then anyway like you said ut'll be a faff with the passports! And i don't even think i'd be changing it on all my social medias etc just all of my 'adult' stuff (couldn't think of the right word), i think we just bite the bullet and do it!

@MikeUniformMike my mother is all for me getting married aswell, is just not something i had ever envisaged in my life! I think the whole thing scares me to be honest but a name change is a less scarier way to get arounf being a family! I see what you mean though! Thank you for responding

Just had a baby and have done the exact same thing. We will be getting married but I wanted the same name as my child so I have changed my name. I wondered if it was a strange thing to do and what people would think but me and my partner are happy and no one has really questioned it.

My mum did this before I was born. They were always going to get married one day. They didn't. My father turned out to be a bit of a shit. Mum still has his surname as she felt changing her name again was going to cause upset for various reasons. She's told me if my sister ever gets married and changes her name then she'll change hers too. In her case she's not sure it was the right thing to do.

I don’t want to sound mean but I think this sounds a bit like you are desperate to be married....and there is nothing wrong with that. If you want the same surname why not just marry him. Just seems like an easy get out for a man who says he wants to be married but never does anything about it.....and as one pp said, she did it and they never got married. OP by all means change your surname if you don’t like it, but changing it to your partners name when you aren’t married seems weird IMHO.

I Think if you change your name to his you’ll never get married as people will just presume you are already married.

IF it were me I’d just get married, you’ve got got one child and on one on way. Perfect time to have a quiet intimate wedding while there are loads of restrictions on amount of guests etc.

I don’t want to sound mean but I think this sounds a bit like you are desperate to be married

OPs posts indicate this is the exact opposite of what she wants That said OP, the benefits of marriage in your situation given that you have a child together would probably make it the sensible option and facilitate your change of name, if this is something you want to do anyway. If you change your mind about marriage at a later date and want to do it, your partner may well not see the point if you've all been living as a family with the same name for X number of years 🤷🏼‍♀️

Get married. Marriage is purely about financial protection in the event that the relationship breaks down- nothing to do with old fashioned morals or romance. Having two kids with a man and saying you're scared to marry him is like driving a car and saying you're too scared to wear a seatbelt.

I completely get where everyone is coming from! Thanks for the replies, and the poster that said it sounds like i'm desperate to get married i'm really really not but i can appreciate if thats how it came across!
So general consesus is just get married, he's all for it and also 9 years older than me so its more of a when i want to we would!
Maybe i'm just making excuses but a commitment like marriage has always seemed a big deal to me (but 2 kids isn't?) i know i'm being ridiculous when it comes to that being an excuse! Hahah thank you!

Well if you think about it you can change your mind on marriage. All be it not easily. You'll be in each other's lives forever anyway as you have children together.

Marriage is a contract that protects you and your children in the event of the relationship breaking down, your financial situation changing, one of you dying. Do it for the sake of your children. You can arrange very simple cheap registry office ceremonies to get the paperwork done. No need for a showy wedding if you don't want. Then use the marriage certificate to change your name with other agencies eg passport, bank, driving license

@strawberriesunited I think your right we should just bite the bullet. When your ready to get married go for it. My mum is pushing me to get married because of the baby but im just not ready my first marriage was a disaster and I guess I worry it will mess things up this time..... But I know I want to be a family unit so changing my name is a step. Xx