Are you an introvert? How do you wish school had gone?

[Whatwouldyoud1]

DC (7) is an introvert. Has two good friends at primary school and likes playtime but never wants to go in the morning and is an emotional wreck in the evening post school, and is loving lockdown. His school a big London 3-form entry.

We’re planning on moving house and am a bit torn between sending him to a local primary (all are 2 form entry so slightly smaller in the new area) or a very sweet private school that is very small and very nurturing.

DH wonders if a state school is good for DS as DH was also a shy kid. He thinks getting DS used to crowds and facing his nerves and fears will be good for him in later life.

I am not shy and definitely more of an extrovert than an introvert, but think feeling nervous and awkward a lot of the time isn’t a nice way to live!

If you’re an introvert, did you go to a big school or a small school? Do you think it was good for you?

If you could have chosen your own school situation, what would you choose?

I went to a huge comprehensive and it was awful - I was bullied throughout and by the time I left for sixth form college, I had the social confidence of a newt.

I did well academically but I was a hard worker who'd probably have done well in any school. I don't know if bullying would've been less likely in a smaller school but it might have been policed a bit better - my school was so large that it was very anonymous and so it was easy for pupils to get away with things.

I'm an introvert, that doesn't mean I'm nervous and awkward.

I think it is more to do with the style of teaching than the size of a school. When I was at school (70s/80s) being quiet and thoughtful was seen as a negative thing. I get the impression that those views are shifting now.

OP you're mixing up shy people and introverts in your post, which are two different things. Also, introverts aren't to be pitied - we don't feel nervous and awkward all the time as you suggest!

Please send your child to the small school that will nurture him - you can't force being an extrovert onto someone who is an introvert. Instead, nurture and celebrate that introversion. It really isn't a bad thing - in fact it's a massive plus point. It just sounds like you don't really understand introverts.

I would very highly recommend this book - it talks a lot about children, the schooling system and how trying to force natural introverts into being extroverts can be hugely damaging to the child:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain.

I was an extrovert at school. Unless I wasnt good at something haha found with being one, there was always pressure to bring hype and be the entertainment or the loudest. It was exhausting.

I'm definitely an introvert now as time as gone on with fewer but very great friends! I like it this way 😊

Thank you both! I’m sorry to hear about your bullying, pelleas, that’s an awful thing to live through.

DS’s school is a lovely place, it’s just quite big and overwhelming for him (I think?!) and I don’t know if all big schools will feel that way, or just this one because it’s SO big and he’s so young.

I didn’t mean he’s a nervous and awkward person because he’s an introvert, moose - sorry if I phrased that clumsily. He feels that way in the morning on the way to school, and then emotional after school. When he’s there, I get the impression he’s fine (but he doesn’t say so I don’t know! But his teacher tells me he’s fine). He’s delightful and happy in his out-of-school life and has a terrific relationship with his two close friends. It’s the transition into school that makes him feel rubbish and I wonder if going to a smaller school may make him happier.

It’s so hard to know what to do for the best!

As an intovert, put him in the smaller school. It’s so important that we teach children that it’s ok to be themselves rather than trying to force them to adapt to situations they’re not happy in.

als you’re right, I probably don’t understand introverts properly! I definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing at all - I just worry that school celebrates kids who are extroverts and maybe that would make an introvert feel worse? I do worry I’m not getting it right for him, but also don’t want to overthink stuff or wrap him in cotton wool. Argh! I love the title of that book - I’m ordering it right now!

ohno I think the fewer, great friends thing is fab. That is exactly DS! His friendships are very close and very positive.

My dc is the exact same, he loved the idea of being home all the time and I had begun to notice that even venturing into town to the post office or to Tesco was making him nervous and he just wanted to go back home.
I was glad that school reopened but worried that because his 2 bfs werent going back that he would just sit and talk to no one all day.
However because there's only 10 kn the class instead of 30, he has been talking to and playing with everyone and felt so much better, he even got a certificate off the teacher as she noticed he was making the effort to talk to everyone.
I really do think your ds would thrive in a smaller school.
I was the same too and once theres too many people then I lose my voice literally..I just clam up and cant think what to say whereas in a smaller group I can even be the loudest funniest one there!

I love the title of that book - I’m ordering it right now!

I'm so glad you've ordered it. It's a wonderful book - I'm sure you'll get a lot out of it. You sound like a lovely mum by the way. It's great that you're trying to do what is best for his own character.

Thank you, tired, that’s really well put and definitely why I want the smaller school for him. DH needs persuading!

solomi sounds exactly like my DS! Interesting that he thrives in the group of 10!

Oh thank you, ALS! What a kind thing to say!

Introvert

Went to a big school which was dreadful. I felt overwhelmed everyday

Ds goes to a rural school which is very nurturing and thrives.

puzzledpiece - your DS’s school sounds lovely! Your school experience is exactly my worry.