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Child refusing to go to school - what do I do?

8 replies

Rockingchair7 · 03/07/2020 08:32

My just turned 6-year-old used to love nursery, but has never liked school much. He’s ok when there, but never wants to go.

At the beginning of this academic year, he would cry and cling every day when I would drop them at school (conversely, he would practically skip into nursery! He started nursery at 18 months old and settled fast and loved it. I thought school would be a doddle!).

It got a lot better, and then the pandemic hit. He won’t take part in zoom calls (hides) or anything like that. His school do weekly zoom lessons and he just won’t do it! (He does his other lessons fine, as they’re not on a call.)

We’ve seen some friends (socially distancing) and that’s been fine. But today he is supposed to go to school to meet his new teacher for next year. It’s obviously been months and the old pattern is back - hiding under the bed, crying.

What do I do? Long term and short term? Already dreading September - this is just one day! I’m a bit worried that - today - I won’t be able to get him to go in the gates as obviously (and rightly) I can’t go in with him.

Did anyone else’s child go through this?

OP posts:
Megatron · 03/07/2020 08:39

If he's ok when he's there and you're comfortable that there's nothing serious going on that's making him not want to go then you have to keep being consistent and firm. No negotiations, he needs to go to school. My DS when through this and it hard because you feel awful but I wasn't in a position to homeschool him so he had to go to school. Have you spoken to school, do they know you're having issues getting him there?

FizzFan · 03/07/2020 08:45

It’s hardly surprising that he’s upset given all the crap there’s been this year. It’s been months since he’ll have been there after all.

At 6 he can’t really refuse to go because he’s small enough that you can effectively man handle him. And if it’s the difference between him getting into the school and not then you’ll just need to take him in the gates.

RedskyAtnight · 03/07/2020 08:47

Yes, mine clung to me and cried every day from part way through Reception to the end of Year 2. Like your DS he was perfectly fine once he actually got into school. It stopped in Year 3 because he went to a separate junior school. I'm not sure whether this was because he realised that more "grown up" behaviour was expected or because we started sharing the school run with 2 other families and he didn't want an audience. Do you have a partner/husband who could take him in? He might react differently if you're not there.

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Rockingchair7 · 03/07/2020 08:47

Thank you, megatron! They knew at the beginning of the year because they’d see it, but we never sat down to talk about it. In reception he was definitely unhappy - that’s where it started - and the school and I did talk about that, but they were more concerned with everything being alright at home than at school! (It is!) He never missed any days, but I’d have to walk him in sometimes.

I’m certain he’s alright when he’s there this year, but maybe he feels nervous about going as it’s quite a big and overwhelming school?

(I have no intention of home schooling either!)

OP posts:
Herbie0987 · 03/07/2020 08:48

My youngest was very attached to me, and even had problems being left with her dad if I went out. She wanted to go to school but when we got there she didn’t want me to leave, I used to hand her over to the teacher leaving her crying every day till year 2, as soon as I had gone the tears stopped. My DD used to ask me not to come to assemblies as if she saw me she would cry. I knew she was happy at school. It is hard leaving a distressed child but you have to be strong and know you are doing the right thing.

Rockingchair7 · 03/07/2020 08:49

That’s a good point about trying my DH. He can’t today, as he has a work call. But I will try that from September. It’s usually me who drops off and picks up, so maybe the novelty will be good?!

I’m glad to hear that others have been through it but that it didn’t last!

OP posts:
Rockingchair7 · 03/07/2020 08:51

That must have been so tough, herbie! But I’m glad to hear it didn’t last.

And that I’m not alone!

His pals all just stroll in, smiling!

OP posts:
SweetPetrichor · 03/07/2020 09:28

Some children just take longer to settle. Just keep firm, he goes in no matter what, and I'm sure he'll soon settle in and have fun.

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