What would you do ? Ds (19) causing us hell over Covid and work

[aaarrrggghhHHH]

Ds had a job before lockdown it was only a few hours a week and was just really spending money as he lives at home.
Obviously pubs shut so he hasn’t been in.

Of our household 2 were in the shielding group and another high risk and ds high risk himself due to severe asthma.

He wants to go back. We’ve said we don’t want him to (DH and myself both still off work)
He said we can’t stop him but we feel atm it’s a risk and asked him to wait a few more weeks so we can see how things are. He’s refused.
His job is safe to wait so that’s not the issue.
Wwyd? I’m really concerned but I can’t physically prevent him leaving the house ?
If he goes though i don’t think I’ll want him back because the risk to the rest of us will be high.

Tell him if he feels so strongly about working he needs to find himself alternative accommodation at least while the shielding advice is still in place.

He's an adult. If he wants to make risky decisions for himself that's his prerogative. He doesn't get to make risky decisions for the rest of the family too, that's the exclusive domain of those responsible for keeping the household in a fit and healthy state (financially and physically for the family members).

Can he live separately from you in the house! Ie, only going to his bedroom and a dedicated bathroom?

My daughter had to return to work and luckily we have a caravan so she is living in there on our driveway.

It’s simple. If he goes to work, he doesn’t come back.

If you’re shielding and he won’t help keep you safe then he can’t live with you.

He is an adult. So explain it to him in adult terms.

He goes to work he has to live elsewhere.

He doesn't pay the Piper, he doesn't call the tune!

No totally separate bathroom so that wouldn’t work

I’m just hoping he comes to his senses as we have really spelt it out to him that it’s not safe yet. Hes stubborn and sick of being stuck in I get that but it’s not like he needs the money so it’s not essential work

Forget the safety angle. He has decided it is not important to and for him.

Tell him plainly. He makes that decision for himself then he also makes a lot of other changes as you and DH have decided you won't accommodate him at risk to your own health.

He has no say in your decision. He has to make his own choices based on the realities of his situation.

Like every other adult.

It's hard, I bet he is bored rigid. But he isn't an independent adult yet, so he has to go with the decisions not those who pay for everything he has. That's reality, democracy, adulthood and life, all in one easy lesson.

He doesn’t need to get it.

You need to tell him that if he goes back to work, he can’t live with you.

And you have to mean it.

If he goes to work, you pack up his things and leave them in the porch for him. You don’t let him in.

Becoming an adult is full of difficult lessons. One of the most important lessons is that your actions have consequences and that you don't get to choose how other people react.

Of course he can return to work. That doesn't mean that you have to accept the risk that places you and your husband in.

He's an adult; he can make his decision.

You and your husband are adults; you can make your decision.

Neither of you can dictate the others position; accepting that is part of growing up

Have you all looked at the stats for your area? If you're in an area of the country where the rate of infection is low, then there will be less risk to him and therefore to you? Can you agree a specific date when he would be able to go back to work - so he doesn't feel he is stuck in limbo forever?