GP comment

[Yorkiee]

I'm a FTM. LO is now 8 months old. We had rough start. She was under light therapy for 3 weeks and had jaundice and low blood count for about 3-4 months. It felt like a very stressful time.

As FTM now and then I'm not sure what to do. For example in June she was teething. She didn't feed and I called the GP for advice. Tooth took 10 days to cut through. I thought okay back to normal now. Few days later she wouldn't feed at all.

So had to call GP again. Then a few days later I saw second tooth had cut through. She went back to eating again. Now when this happens again I no not to worry and what to do. Same month I had to call to ask about vitamins. Conflicting messages from health nurse. Then I had to call again because she had blood in her mucus.

I don't have anyone around me to ask and instead of sitting down and worrying I just book an appointment and ask the gp.

Recently I noticed her feet are ice cold. Even when it was really hot for two days. I put socks on for her. Part of me thought this is not normal. I monitored the situation and even if her body is warm her feet are ice cold. Made an appointment - not my usual doctor but a doctor I have seen before and she said maybe I should see a psychologist and that she could refer me because I made 5 calls in June.

I said she was teething but she is feeding fine now and eating solids so it's much easier.

It was way difficult months ago but now its getting easier because of solids.

The other gp always tells me to call rather than sit and worry about it.

I don't know how I feel about her comment. Part of me feels sad. She was just making assumptions or was I wrong to call?

Feel like making a complaint against her.

Don't make a complaint, it's just a different outlook.

5 calls in a month might signal to an on the ball GP that you need extra support. You say yourself you have no one to ask for an outside perspective.

They were trying to help you, given the little they see of you I can see why your outlook screams 'anxiety'.

I dont think is complaint territory to be honest. It sounds like she was checking in to make sure you're feeling okay as 5 times in a month is a lot of times to see a GP.

If you are okay, not having any anxiety or PND symptoms then there's no harm done right? Whereas if another mother in a similar situation was struggling and the GP didn't offer the support, it would be a terrible thing to miss and for that Mother to continue to suffer.

Aww I really feel for you. I had something very similar happen – but it was 45 years ago! I was a young single mum with no experience of babies and no-one to ask and I went to my GP a few times about things I was worried about and the GP said he thought I was neurotic! Which was very upsetting and unhelpful.
Anyway I gained in confidence as time went on and I got through, and that baby now has two kids of her own.
I know things were way different back then, and I wouldn’t have thought of complaining. My thoughts on your situation though are that if I were you I’d just clock that GP as unsympathetic and avoid them. Complaining is just going to add to your stress I think? I wouldn’t bother.

I think you should contact your health visitor rather than the GP. I think calling about vitamins is definitely a bit OTT.
I wouldn’t complain about the doctor though.
Are you taking them up on their offer regarding your anxiety?

Try not to be immediately defensive about the GP’s suggestion of a referral for therapy. It is incredibly common for women to need this sort of support after having a child.

In the kindest possible way, there is a wealth of information about teething and vitamins available in baby books and online and Health Visitors are the experts in issues like this when it comes to babies and young children. The GP shouldn’t be your first port of call for these types of things.

It does seem excessive to have called five times in a month for mostly trivial things. If all parents took a GP appointment for a teething baby the system wouldn’t cope.

Try calling your Health Visitor team as a first port of call unless your baby is very unwell - for example missing multiple feeds, no wet nappies, very high temp, sleeping far too much etc.

I wouldn't complain
Call your health visitor and get some resources to help you or the internet has many wonderful useful sites.
Perhaps they had a concern you may be anxious or pnd. The offer can be a safety net
Perhaps you would of been best to advices to get some support for being a ftm
Do you have a child health worker
Long as you have no pnd or anxiety affecting you to much.
would you be interested in joining a baby centre website or going to a group and talking about feeding teething and feeling more knowledgeable about babies milestones and growth

depends because a lot of what you have mentioned wouldnt be a gp call it would be a health visitor call...did you call them? they are there to answer non emergency questions, the blood in the mucus is the only one i would have called the GP about.

Especially vitamins .. that sounds a bit confusing because surely you would just google the question or what a baby needs, if not it would be a health visitor call not a GP

I think you have, probably accidentally, been misusing services.

Do not make a complaint.

First port of call should be the health visitor, so you need to find out how HV services are running in your area during Covid.

Call the GP only if it is something the HV cannot help you with, or is there is a sudden onset of a very marked symptom.

Also, can you look to see if there are other post natal support groups in your area. NCT perhaps, or via other community groups. These may well have had to move online for the duration, but there might be socially distances small meet ups in parks in the offing.

I don’t think you can complain about this as it is a reasonable suggestion. I would contact your health visitor in the first instance not the GP unless the baby was actually poorly.

OP I think the GP might have been a bit blunt with this, but I do think you need some other form of support by the sounds of things. Have you always been this anxious?

There's a wealth of information on MN, Google, baby books etc and also your health visitor etc. I have a 10mo and no family support and it wouldn't even occur to me to book a GP appointment about those issues. Health visitor and 101 if I'm worried about something.

It's hard being a FTM and especially if your little one was poorly, but sometimes you have to trust your gut. If you aren't able to do this maybe you do need some extra support.

The GP was doing their job and did nothing wrong. Contacting the GP frequently about minor ailments could be a sign of a mum with no support, or a mum with health anxiety. The GP was quite right to suspect you might need more support.

As PPs have said, the health visitors would be a better first port of call for a lot of this stuff.

I think these are perfectly normal questions but not ones which should be directed at the GP. You need to ask your health visitor. It is exactly what they are for. Some health visitors are even able to prescribed for certain common conditions, like eczema.

In the past you would have just been able to mention these concerns when you took your baby to be weighed at the clinic and it wouldn't have been a big deal, just an informal chat. By going through the GP they are being logged each time. Health visitors are used to new mums and understand how normal it is to worry and need answers. GPs are really overstretched, especially at the moment and not all relate as well to new mums. There was genuine concern for you. Please don't complain.

Don't complain, it's not necessary.

I do however have an experience that may make you feel better. When I had DS2 I kept talking to my health visitor about him as he wouldn't sleep unless on my chest, cried all the time, didn't feed well, seemed "off" and just generally worried me. Health visitor said most of this is likely to be me having an easy first baby, to persist with his cot as cosleeping is dangerous and he wasn't losing weight so his feeding is fine.

2 year check, apparently totally fine and his tantrums and attachment issues are normal. I told the HV he didn't feel right to me, his problems were all getting worse and she sent me to the doctor for PND. Apparently I wasn't connecting with him.

After this appointment (for my apparent PND) my son was referred to a paediatrician and diagnosed with coeliac disease and autism.

That was an incredibly long way of saying sometimes the other support available isn't great and I now skip over the other services and go straight to GP.

These are perfectly normal questions to have as a first time mum. However they’re not really questions that should be directed at a GP. There is an abundance of information online, there are forums, and you have a Health Visitor who is an expert in these sort of things.
Calling 5 times in a month is a sign that you may need some extra support... that’s not a judgement. It would have been wrong of the GP to not signpost you to additional help in these circumstances.
It certainly isn’t complaint worthy. They’re looking out for your mental health.

I had a GP roll her eyes at me and tell me "this isn't your first baby, I wouldn't have thought you'd be so neurotic this time, you should know by now babies hold their breath" before writing a prescription for saline drops and practically shooing us out of the surgery. This was when DD was three weeks old and "held her breath" so long she had turned navy blue several times that morning. Half an hour later when she did the same again in front of staff at DS's activity class, she was rushed to hospital and spent a week on oxygen recovering from pneumonia. If I'd taken the advice of the GP, the outcome could've been unthinkable. In my experience GPs are keen to dismiss genuine health concerns in young babies, as over-worrying/MH issues in the mother. I wonder sometimes if DD's dad had taken her to the GP that day, they'd have been sent straight to hospital as I doubt she would've been as keen to dismiss a father's concerns.

Hi everyone ,

Thank you so much for the replies. I read them all.

I don't have anxiety.. I just don't like calling my Health Visitor. 1. Can't get in touch with her because she is never around when I call.

1. When I do call another health visitor answers and she says oh I'm not sure.. or call your gp.

So thats what I have been doing..

I also google a lot and serious things come up especially with blood in mucus and cold feet.

The GP I normally talk to always says to call them about anything.. so thats what I have been doing..

I get that I may have accidently misued it but even when I call health visitor line I get told call the gp?

And other GP has been lovely. I did wrong by booking with this GP.

@AWaspOnAWindowReturns that is very true.

My LO also has mottled skin.. I have been told to keep an eye on it and the cold feet made me worry.

But overall I don't have anxiety. This are actually my easiet days.. The first 4 months were the most difficult so I felt like saying where was your support then.

*these

I agree the cold feet and bloody mucus (if persisting) might be worth a call for telephone advice initially rather than an immediate appointment (they would let you know if you needed to come in) but I think calling about vitamins and DC being off food for a few days (especially the second time) is excessive. I don't think you should complain - GP was probably worried about you.

It's so hard OP knowing what's the best to do. I think ringing the gp for the cold feet was fine but for advice on vitamins you could even use mumsnet as you are now.

Such a wealth of information available on here. Also keep trying the health visitor as that's their job. But like you I've asked them things and they just say "ring the gp". Remember the pharmacy is a great place for advice too.

Also you build experience and grow in confidence. So in future you won't worry so much when they are off their food for a few days. This happens often in the early years so not to worry.

I was the exact same with my first, 24 and no experience of children or babies, and I called 999 3 times as I don't drive.

First when I turned my back to get a vest, and he rolled off his cot top changer for the first time to the floor. He vomited immediately and started jerking his head back and I was terrified. He was checked over and was fine, nurses in A&E were totally sympathetic and asked straight away if I was a FTM and sort of smiled in understanding. I absolutely loved those nurses. The way they get you from 100% hysterical to wanting to cry with relief in seconds!

Second time was when he had a stomach bug and again projectile vomiting, very dark blood in mucus, eyes rolling back, making horrible retching, choking noises and had a rash (he had gastroenteritis) again, same warm and friendly response from the nurses.

Third time was different and more like the situation you just had. He was almost 2, middle of the night, and his fever had reached 40. He was hallucinating and asking when he was going to get on the boat and sail away (!!!) Again terrifying, and the NHS website said the hallucinating was a red flag - as in, he could have bumped his head and have brain swelling. He was and still is extremely clumsy abd bumped his head all the time. Paramedic turned up about 3 hours later and was awful to me! "He's a kid, it'll be a virus, he's fine" type thing. He WAS fine with a lot of calpol, cool baths and love. But I was terrified, and I'll never forget how horrible she was to me when I was so scared for my baby.

I'm a LOT more laid back with my second child but luckily he doesn't seem to pick up bugs or be as accident prone! I've never called an ambulance for him, and only taken him to A&E once when he split his head open when the cardboard box he was standing in toppled onto the sharp edge of a table someone donated to me - table promptly went to the tip!

I think it was a strange way of offering to get some extra help for you, and dangerous as it could put off young parents calling in the future when their child has serious symptoms.... but I think that's what the doctor was trying to do, thinking you were struggling with anxiety and overtired? Doctors should be well aware that being a first time mum is a really scary,, hormonal and sensitive time. It's a huge adjustment and learning process and doesn't come natural to all of us at all!

ALWAYS call if you suspect something is wrong with your baby. Your usual doctor is right and I hope it is them you get if you need to call again.

No need to complain and I think you have unintentionally been over using services. You should also consider using pharmacy services. Pharmacists train for years, understand illness, ailments and the complexities of drugs and are perfectly well informed to deal with some of the issues you mention.

Thank you sooo much for the shared experiences!

I'm very grateful for them and time taken to write them out.

I think the most confusing part is - I actually normally have two gps I would talk to but both were not available today. Both always tell me being a FTM isnt easy and to call for anything.

She always says Id rather you call us then sit at home and worry.

This GP does have her blunt moments (I have heard from others) I wish I never booked with her.

Her offer for therapy was in a rude way too. I think it was just her and her tone of her voice and not wanting to listen to what I had to say.

I won't complain. You amazing people have made me feel way better. Thank you.

Yes as someone mentioned now I have the experience when she starts teething again would I call them when she isn't eating? No.

It because she was born early , we stayed in hospital, she has mottled skin and of course like every mum I want to do the best for her.

I stopped googling which I told one of the other gps and she too said just to call and ask.

Non of the gps have told me to call the health visitor. I did mention on one occassion that they keep saying call the gp.. but she proberly didn't read that part in the notes.

Also I used to go to the health clinic every two weeks for weight and ask questions but no more baby clinic. Last time we went was Feb.

My DD was premature at 31 weeks and my health visitor was an absolute godsend.
Sad to be moving on from her now DD is 5.