Not coping well with my 4yo DD- at all

[Readysetcake]

She is waking at 5am- today it was earlier as she wet the bed. She’s been waking through the night, as well as my toddler, so I’m getting no sleep. She’s very emotional and quick to anger. She lashes out a lot. Storms off etc. I’m struggling to deal with and it’s really getting me down and together with the lack of sleep I feel at the end of my tether. I know lockdown is playing a part as she misses her peers. She starts school in September and we’re moving house next week so there is a lot of upheaval. I know the uncertainty of things is probably playing it’s part. But I just don’t know what to do.

Re sleep we have all the things, groclock, blackout blind, consistent bed time and routine.

I’m just so clueless and feel like a terrible mother. Right now I regret having kids as I’m not cut out for it at all. I’m going to mess them up for life and they’ll hate me when they’re older.

Help.

That sounds really tough. And dealing with it when you're sleep deprived makes it even harder.
I think you're an amazing mother because you've already identified what's upsetting her, and you're asking for help to sort it out. That shows how much you care.

My DS is also really struggling with sleep at the moment. I've been using talking books a lot. If he wakes up extremely early and cant get back to sleep, I put one on for him. At least he's resting in bed, and I can do the same. There are loads of stories online you can use- I've had most success with a podcast called dreamful stories.

If it makes you feel any better I don’t think you’re a terrible mother! DS got up 3 times last night and I broke at 5 am and came downstairs with him a box of train track and plonked him in front of hey duggee! He’s going back to nursery next month and I’m hoping a routine again will help his sleep! I’m just trying to remember it won’t be like this forever

Thank you both. The audio stories may be a good idea. She loves them on the car.

I’m really struggling to keep my patience with her, especially as the day wears on. I should probably be love bombing her but finding that hard especially later in the day. She won’t listen or rather she hears me but won’t respond. For example telling her not to hit her brother so I have to physically restrain her. Or less serious but totally demoralising not getting dressed or putting shoes on etc. Everything is a battle and I’m exhausted. I’m trying to work around DH full time hours, be entertainment, deal with toddler temper tantrums, pack a household and deal with DD behaviour. I’m done in.

You're not a terrible mum! it's ok to feel that regret sometimes as its hard work! I also have a 4yo and a toddler so I can appreciate how hard it must be for you. My 4yo has not been a good sleeper but seems to have improved over the last 12 months. For me reward sticklers worked (you've prob already tried this!) I tried everything else and also tried stickers earlier which hadn't worked but once he got to an age he could understand the action/reward thing it did work. Since then he's been fine - just still an early riser. Don't put yourself down - you've got it hard despite doing everything the right way. I think sometimes some kids are just bad sleepers no matter what you do and plus there's a lot going on at the min that might be unsettling her. Like with every other phase I'm sure she will grow out of it just keep being consistent and don't be hard on yourself!! Xxx

You need some help and sleep, then it will all feel more manageable. I totally get the lack of patience later in the day. Can you use some screen time at that point? It isn’t going to hurt for a week joe two whilst you get sorted. For a while I moved bath time to before tea- 4 year old would play in bath for good hour late afternoon, then iPad whilst I made tea.
Take the pressure off yourself any way you can- ready meals, cut corners- anything that gains you even 5 mins.
Dh needs to step up, too- it has to be shared, particularly to get through moving. 5am is not just your responsibility.

She sounds similar to my 4yo ds who, always comes in to us in the night and last night had a screaming fit, wasn't really awake but just squirming in bed screaming his head off. He also is not nice to his little brother and has hurt him, will bat him off quite sharply (ok, it does sometimes come into hitting him, painful as it is to admit that) and most days I have to physically restrain him / pull him away at least once.

Ours went back to nursery this week thankfully, which is a huge help. It must feel like a long time until September when you're trying to move house and keep everyone sane. When your DH finishes work does he give you any time to yourself? Mine behave better for dad as he's more fun and not as available.

My DH does help out. He is less useful in the morning he does do bath time and cook dinner some days. But he has a short fuse Especially when he’s sleep deprived so I often take over as I can (mostly) handle DD better and get her to calm down. He can be heavy handed which sends her into melt down. This often means I miss out on time
With my DS as DD is so demanding and wants me. So DH defaults to DS who is easier to deal with.

I’m really hopeful school and the routine of that will help. And at least if it’s not school as I would recognise it due to Covid she won’t know any different.

Can she pack a case of favourite things for moving house, pack a case of Ds s favourite things (kept handy in case they want to play with them. Get some favourite foods in for first meal at new house. Choose a poster for her new bedroom, some seeds for the new garden - these things take 5 mins, unfortunately, but might get her feeling more positive about it.

She says she is excited about the move. But obviously knows it’s something big and I doubt she fully understands. Will encourage her to pick things for her new room and pack her favourite bits and bobs.

I think DCs pick up the vibes when the adults are stressed so maybe you have alot on your plate and she is picking up on that.