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Original poster

Do you live in your home town...or would you move back?

66 replies

OfUselessBooks · 02/07/2020 00:34

We're contemplating a move "home" having moved away from there over a decade ago. We moved for work, and that reason is no longer there, so we're left wondering why we are miles away from our families and friends.

Where we live is very expensive, but with a lot of nice towns and places to go, close to London with more job opportunities. However, our parents are getting older and we would love to be near them and extended family. We had no ties when we moved away and it was all an adventure. Now we have a mortgage and a young family and it seems we have to make a decision as to where we want to live, having not really given too much thought to it before!

Do you live in your home town, or did you move back after a long time? How did you find it? It feels like going backwards in a way, but I'm not sure where else we would choose. Where we live we have some friends and good schools, but we only came for work really. I would miss some things, but being near everyone instead of visiting two or three times a year would be fantastic. We would only have a very tiny mortgage if we moved, so could have a much slower pace of life and more time with the kids. If you have settled somewhere else, would you go back if you had the chance?

OP posts:

Dinosauraddict · 02/07/2020 06:42

No and no!

Roselilly36 · 02/07/2020 06:51

No, I didn’t mind living in my & DH home city, it’s a city most people would love to live in, but once our DS’ were born DH wanted to move to somewhere quieter, I was quite reluctant, until we found the dream house to raise our family in. I moved with the understanding that if I was unhappy we would move back to the city. Never once have I wanted to move back. Been here 17 years, and now looking to downsize. Best decision we made.

EasilyDelighted · 02/07/2020 07:05

Not exactly. After graduating I moved to outer London for work, then after a change of job to a wealthy area just outside the M25 where I met DH. Although we both had friends there through work it always felt transitory, we didn't feel we were putting down roots and house prices were very high. We were approx 90 mins drive from each set of parents in opposite directions and after a few years agreed to move towards one or other set of parents depending on what came along jobwise. We ended up in a town half an hour from my parents where we had the DC. We are much happier here, close enough to pop over to my parents, see old school friends etc but not right back in the village and due to good transport links still only 2 hours from the ILs.

DappledThings · 02/07/2020 07:09

No way would I live in Solihull. I would consider Birmingham though.

BookWitch · 02/07/2020 07:41

Yes I did
I moved back to the village I grew up about 18 months ago after 35 years away, half of that overseas.
I work entirely from home (long term, not due to COVID)
I didn't actually plan to, I wanted to move to the general area, but I loved this house as soon as I saw it. Its within sight of my old primary school.

I love being home, but I'm glad I've had the experience of being away.

Ragwort · 02/07/2020 07:47

No, I had a very happy upbringing in a lovely village but I wouldn't go back (couldn't afford to anyway ), none of my family and friends are there anyway. My siblings & friends moved away and my parents moved when they retired (have since moved to live nearer me).

I love the process of moving to a new area, discovering new places and communities, making new friends, we've had 'major' moves every ten years in our 30 year marriage (ie other side of the country type distances) and I am so ready for our next move! I also moved a considerable distance from "home" when I was single.

NiceTwin · 02/07/2020 07:54

We moved from a very sought after town in South Wales when I was a teenager, so coming up 40 years.
I have a romanticized view of retiring there but I am sure like most places it isn't what it was back then, so no, I won't be going back.

Waitingandwaitingandwaiting · 02/07/2020 07:54

We did about 18 months ago. After uni I went back to my home town and lived there for about 10 years. Then met DH and moved to London commuter belt where we lived for 10 years. Like you OP I really struggled to make good friends. Emergency childcare was next to impossible. Moving back hasn’t been as straightforward as I thought it would be. Schools were better where we were, and we were much closer to everything, but that is one reason we left- life was just hectic. It also seems impossible to get any decent trades people here. But I have a lot of friends here including my school bestie who moved back at the same time as we did, and it’s great being close to family. I’m glad we moved.

dodgeballchamp · 02/07/2020 08:02

No and no. I got out as soon as I could, I’m not friends with anyone I went to school with. I’d rather remove my eyes with a melon baller than have to live here again. It’s not rough, it’s actually quite a picturesque middle class market town but it’s so unbearably provincial and dull

HalloBrian · 02/07/2020 08:03

I never left my home town, I still live ten minutes away from my parents in a fairly unremarkable Lancashire town.

Pros:
😁 See parents and family every week and lots of childcare support
😁 We will be around to support parents as they grow older
😁 surrounded by gorgeous countryside
😁 Everything is cheaper - beer, petrol, parking
😁 we could buy a 5 bedroom house with massive garden for under £200,000 (although it needed a lot of work doing to it)
😁 have a friendly supportive community around us - it's rare to have a supermarket shop without running in to someone we know
😁 Jobs and commutes for DH and I that mean we are all home by half 5 in a normal working week

Cons:
😬 it's not city life
😬 could probably get better paid more desirable jobs in a city
😬 there are racial tensions in the town and big areas of deprivation
😬 feel a bit judged at times for having stayed in home town. I worry that people might think I haven't made something of myself.

But overall, I'm really happy where I live. Having family and countryside around me is what matters most to me.

PurBal · 02/07/2020 08:07

No. And not exactly. DH and I both grew up in tiny villages. If we went back to one everyone would know one of us and we don't feel it's fair on the other. But we would like to move back to the more general area.

Original poster

OfUselessBooks · 02/07/2020 08:10

It's really interesting to read all of these and see what resonates with me. I think it's best to accept it isn't going to be black and white, and that there are advantages to both.

@Bingowin I think you are sort of in the same position as us. We could never move because of work, but now I have lost my job I'm thinking if we don't make the leap now it'll become impossible again. There are more opportunities where we are, but I can worry about that later, and can also be flexible because of having a small or no mortgage. @Boomerwang that is a really good post - I'm maybe thinking of it decades ago, but it has changed (as I have). I keep thinking we will miss all of the lovely restaurants etc where we are, but then I remember that we don't get to them very much any more anyway as we have little kids!

I do have some lovely friends here, mainly mum friends. But then there are plenty still at home, and one of my children will be starting school in a couple of years, which will help with that. We'd stay in touch but I'm not sure it's enough to keep us here when there more people at home for us.

OP posts:

PurBal · 02/07/2020 08:15

When I say tiny, there were 8 children in DHs year at primary school.

EyeDrops · 02/07/2020 08:20

I do. I live in my hometown, about half an hour from my parents (who moved when I was 10ish so I consider there 'home' too!). I love the memories and being able to show my DD places from my childhood, like that she's now at the same school I attended. I love my parents being close but not quite 'on the doorstep'!

happypotamus · 02/07/2020 08:23

I grew up in a village, my parents still live in my childhood home. I now live in a city. I couldn't move back, partly because I couldn't cope with seeing my parents all the time, a few hours every month or 2 is more than enough, partly for practical reasons as I can't drive and would need to get to a hospital to be able to work and the bus service is not good enough there.

Redcrayons · 02/07/2020 08:23

No and not while my DCs are in school. By the time they leave school I will have lived here as long as I lived at home.

Mind you I’m only 10 miles away from home town, so can visit easily.

MsCupcake · 02/07/2020 08:30

No, and no. We moved from the Midlands to the South West and I’m never going back. Mind you we don’t really have close family there anymore so nothing to go back for anyway.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/07/2020 08:38

No. It's an over-priced dull dormitory. Lovely big houses and gardens and a great park and that's about it. Friends couldn't afford my original neighbourhood but are around slightly more affordable areas.

I prefer where I live. Small city which has what I need within 20-25 mins. Edge of the countryside. Sorted.

ProfYaffle · 02/07/2020 09:03

No - and it's unlikely but never say never.

I moved away 20 years ago. It was around the 15 year mark that I realised my home town no longer exists, it's been gradually replaced with a shiny new updated version that no longer resonates with me.

I'm definitely now far more at home in my lovely rural location.

I still like my home town and enjoy visits but I can't imagine what would make me move back.

It was difficult while the children were young and we had very restricted access to support and babysitting. My parents are far away but were always willing to travel if there was a crisis which was a lifesaver at times. The kids are teens now and the issue has faded, I guess ageing is the next bit to contend with.

Jeremyironsnothing · 02/07/2020 09:05

I said I'd never come back after uni, but I did. At the end of the day, after living in several nicer places, I realised it's the people that are more important than anything.

fussychica · 02/07/2020 09:09

No and no, not in a million years. It's nothing like it was when I lived there. It's now hipster central, lots of issues and the prices are insane.

SweetPetrichor · 02/07/2020 09:36

Yeah, I'd move back in a heartbeat, if money was no object. I grew up in a village - I moved when I graduated cause I need to be elsewhere to get jobs with a big company in my field. If I could take my job back home with me, I'd go there today.

maras2 · 02/07/2020 09:41

I moved away for further education for 4 years back in the 1970's leaving my boyfriend behind.
We still managed to see each other frequently but as soon as I qualified I got a job back in my lovely West Midlands city, got married and never moved again.
45th Wedding Anniversary coming up this month.

DeepSleepBathSoak · 02/07/2020 09:48

No and no. I don't have any family there now anyway (though I do half an hour away). In the 80s/90s it was a rural/country place, but now it's got very middle class, gentrified, busy and expensive.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 02/07/2020 09:51

No and no. Don't really have any family left there and I don't like cities for longer than a short visit. There wouldn't be work for me really and DH isn't from there. He would never go back to his birthplace either!

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