Has anyone been in a marriage that's recovered from an affair?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

I know someone, whose husband has had an affair and OW is pregnant. Wife found out 3 ish months ago. They are going to try and make it work.

I know it's none of my business. I'm just really interested in people's opinions and experiences.

Personally I really don't think I could get past it. That said, I didn't have a good marriage (he didn't have an affair), I suppose if you've had a mostly great marriage you might think differently. And while I don't think an affair can ever be excused, I think sometimes they can be explained.

In this case, the husband wants nothing to do with the baby. Blaming OW for lying about contraception. This in itself would seal the deal for me I think.

It's not me, btw. I've been seperated 2 yrs. I often wished my husband would have an affair as if somehow find it easier to end it over that.

What a cunt. Putting his dick about like that and then shirking responsibility. No way could I continue to have a relationship with a man like that.
Betrayal and irresponsible? No thanks. I’d be taking my dignity elsewhere.

I don’t think I could stay with him at all. Turning his back on a child makes him a total twat but I also couldn’t do with the constant reminder of the affair if he kept in contact

I know of more than one child that came out of the woodwork decades later. It's like the sword of Damocles hanging over your life.

Recently saw a thread where a similar thing happened however after a couple of years the husband changed his mind and wanted to be in child’s life...
It is a very difficult situation and dependent on so many factors but I would suggest she needs to be ok with a dynamic where the child and OW is in her life forever (even if it is down the line a bit) before she can say she is willing to work on it.
Such a difficult position I really feel for her and I couldn’t do it.

She think he should be involved in the childs life.

‘Try and make it work’, how embarrassing. The marriage is dead, broken, gone. She would have to find the shagger so irresistible that she’d be willing to give up her self respect, dignity and sexual health, to keep the sham of building a whole new relationship going. Plus she’d have to find a deadbeat dad irresistible, like, morally find that acceptable, and want to service him and gloss over the fact he was out rutting, bare-dicked, and she’s condoning it. Why have such low standards?

Try and make it work’, how embarrassing

That’s a bit harsh. She’s not the one who should be embarrassed. I hate the idea that women who don’t immediately throw their partners out and get divorced are somehow letting the side down. I dare say there are plenty of women who are convinced they would leave but then find in reality it quite difficult to do. I do feel very sorry for the child in all this and would have only contempt for him for abandoning his responsibilities. I wonder if this is something your friend my struggle with in the longer term.

Yes my dh has an affair, it broke me, it crushed me, but I stayed, 3 years on, our marriage has never been stronger or happier, it opened both our eyes to what shitshow it was prior to his affair

Assuming I could forgive affair, I couldn't be with an ass who turns his back on his child, as if contraception was only OW's responsibility. Shows you what a prized ass he is.

Assuming I could forgive affair, I couldn't be with an ass who turns his back on his child, as if contraception was only OW's responsibility. Shows you what a prized ass he is.

This ^^ for me as well, although I think with a child involved it becomes a lot more complicated as from what I know, breaking off all communication is the best way to get the marriage back on track, if there is a child involved that is never going to be possible.

For me, I would leave the marriage but have more respect for him stepping up to be a father than not being involved, as the child didn't have a choice

One of my close friend's husband had an affair it crushed her too. I was was there for her and her kids, drove them to school etc when she couldn't get out of bed. When the OW dumped him he went back to my friend. She forgave him.

Sadly she is no longer my friend, call me a shit friend all you like but he'll do it again and I'm not prepared to put me and my family through all that angst again. My family suffered as I was at her house so often, the kids stayed over, I helped her out financially etc etc. Traumatic times, I supported her as friends do, but not again.

I feel desperately sorry for her, but she's a fool taking him back. Although obviously I hope with all my heart he'll have learnt his lesson.

However the only lesson he's learnt is that he can get away with it!!

I have a close friend whose marriage recovered from an affair. They have been together for 40 years now- affair happened 10 years ago. They have a wonderful family and are a close and loving couple. I am not saying that life is perfect for them, but they have genuinely moved forward and made their marriage stronger and more honest.

I am 18 months on from finding out about my husband's long term emotional and physical affair. We are trying to keep our marriage and family together, as we still feel that we are happier together than apart. Perhaps we are doing the wrong thing, but certainly GarlicMcAttackney's sneering and graphic words don't go very far towards describing the process I am going through.