Tell me about the boundaries/freedoms your 14 years olds have

[WokusPocus]

Hi, I could really do with some help establishing a good set of boundaries for my ds14. Please could you share with me what your rules are for your 14/15 year olds? Especially regarding going out/curfews, phone and internet access. What are people's opinions on using the Find my Friend location finder?

It has not been a good year with ds14 - we have had a few of instances of him buying weed/cigarettes and fighting. He also likes to travel quite far afield on his bike with his friends - sometimes to nearby towns and villages. All of this is giving me the most terrible fear!

• He's 14 - not 15 - I do know my son's age - I swear

@WokusPocus
We had all of this awful defiant behaviour
Including the police popping over 3 times a week at one point 😱 and it's just me as I'm a single mum.... I decided to adopt the okay darling what ever you say approach, then I was accused of being uncaring, so I went on lockdown mode and he seemed to weirdly like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

So yes they need boundaries and it's exhausting!! as he used to be such a lovely child..... and I actually grieved for my boy
But he's better now and actually thanked me the other day for sticking with him, creating boundaries etc.... so keep going it won't be like this forever xx

@Truzza - that is lovely to hear and you have given me hope. Unfortunately it really complicates the issue when two parents have such different views. And yes - I also feel like I am grieving.

Wokus you are definitely not alone DD 15 was very rude to me this morning (as she has been most of the time at the moment). She swore at me two or three times before 8am today. DH is very laid back, so much so that he is basically horizontal so I often feel like a single parent sergeant major. It is a fight to get him on board with disciplining her.
Comments like just let her fail her GCSE’s, just let her live in a pig sty, well don't talk to her then rather than taking so grief and laying down some ground rules.

@Splattherat - I'm glad it's not just me. I have retired upstairs this evening because I could cheerfully have strangled DH. When DS and I were arguing earlier, DH came in to the room, rolled his eyes and left without saying anything. Like yours, DH is also horizontally laid back. DC call me the Alpha parent, which is hilarious because in other life I am as far from Alpha as you can get. It's knackering.

DD called me a ‘Karen’ last week. Its so hard finding a common ground. I no I am overbearing and risk pushing her away but I think she needs love, boundaries and proper parenting.

Oh no - Karen - the ultimate put down . Somebody changed my Netflix password to Das Fuhrer recently ..

I agree they need boundaries. I was very bookish when I was a teen but also at the receiving end of benign neglect. I wish someone has been firm with me. The result for me was totally messed up sleep habits, which I still struggle with and very poor impulse control.

@WokusPocus it’s not fair on you that your DH is so “hands-off” when it comes to discipline and setting boundaries. The two of you should be showing a united front. Why does he get to disengage and leave the tough bits of parenting to you? What was his stance on DS buying weed?

@Rollergirl11 - I agree and it is something that I feel quite bitter about to be honest. He has always been loving and hands on in a practical way, but when it comes to discipline - nothing. His parents are the same, they have a horror of being negative or critical of anyone - they are very kind people but it can be utterly infuriating. When DS got caught with the weed DH had a couple of brief 'don't do it again' discussions with him and then dropped it. He hates arguing and seems to find it 'distasteful'. Most of the time I just get on with it - I don't have the will to argue about it continuously.