Dual Careers in the time of the Rona.

[Username7521]

DP and I both have pretty senior roles in the same sector (not company) and lockdown has been the great destabiliser to the very carefully crafted balance we had. Somehow my job has taken a backseat to his as something needed to give.

It was hard enough creating a balance to both of us having the opportunity to advance in our careers during non lockdown, and basically meant we had to outsource many things in the household including childcare, cleaning etc but when lockdown came into full force we had to pick up those things, and I feel like to majority fell to me.
I was listening to the Women at Work podcast about this and it seems like a common thing that women just automatically and maybe unconsciously just pick things up, and the thing that usually suffers is their mental health.

The mental load has mostly be mine, bar a few things but now everything seems to have doubled.

Everyone else with dual careers how are you managing? Our school has announced that there won't be any after school childcare and clubs available in September, and our nanny has just lost her father and has gone back to the country of her origin, so we're lefts with months of holidays to cover ourselves.

Just feeling like it just isn't sustainable. Tell me stories of success!

Honestly, I think you just share the load. I think if you've had a nanny all this time until recently, you've probably had an easier time than most people. There are only so many hours in the day. You both take your time for work and taking care of yourselves, according to who needs it most when. If you have a big meeting or a presentation to prepare, then your dh does the kids that day and makes up some time in the evening or on the weekend. And vice versa. Whoever is doing more of the kids that day (make a calendar so you each have your days or one of you works the morning and the other the afternoon, etc.) does all the homeschooling, meals, washing, etc. Take at least one day totally off at the weekend when neither of you work. You both practice saying no more.

Slightly different situation here as though both dh and I have big careers, I'm employed and he is self-employed. If he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. He also can't work from home (specialised equipment, which he can't bring home - and it wouldn't be safe around children anyway). So on a day to day basis, I do have more of the childcare to do because there isn't anyone else home to do it. He does take days off to be at home though (unpaid) when I have lots of meetings or a conference to present at (virtually, of course) or if I have a personal appointment.

But as I am physically home more, I made a real point of just not doing everything and taking time as I need it. I get up, dh gets dc dressed and ready for the day, breakfast, etc., and I put my running clothes on and walk out the door. I come back in time for him to leave for work. He is perfectly capable of getting dc ready for the day. Similarly, when he gets home for the day, I send dc off with him and I cook dinner in peace (I find this relaxing, it's the quiet time for the day). A few days a week, I come downstairs and put my feet up and he does all the bedtime stuff with both dc. So some of it is just saying, I'm going to take a break now because I've been doing this all day, thanks.

If you are both working from home though, you just need to create a calendar, both put your must work days on, and then you work around that to balance childcare. If one of your employers is more flexible than the other, you take that into account. My employer will pay me as normal no matter how much work I manage to do, so where slack needs picking up, I do it. But that's because dh doesn't get paid if he doesn't work. If you have the means though, buy in more childcare.