Would you tell your friend you know this?

[wishiwasonabeach85]

Not sure if I'm overthinking this. My best friend has another friend who I only really know through my best friend. Before lockdown we occasionally all got together as best friend often hosted dinner parties. Best friends brother also regularly came to these dinner parties. Everyone in this is married (relevant to story). Anyway I noticed afew months ago the friend is no longer responds on our WhatsApp group and also appears to have disappeared off all social media. I was going to ask best friend if everything was ok with her.
Anyway afew weeks later when out for a walk around my area. I saw friend stood in the doorway of a house that as far as I was aware she didn't live in. She was smiling at someone in a car just arriving. It was best friends brother. He also doesn't live at that house as far as I was aware. They both saw me and looked as shocked as me it was obvious. I have since looked at their social media accounts and they are still on but have obviously deleted me, best friend and afew others in our group.
Best friend hasn't said a thing to me. My issue is should I tell her I know. There has obviously been a big falling out. (She is very good friends with brothers wife) I feel i should wait for best friend to tell me. However, they know I know and I can't see her being fallen out with her brother forever. I suppose I feel she might be upset if she found out I knew without saying anything.

Your damn if you do and damn if you don't. Horrible for you. If it was me I would stay well out of it.

Another vote for staying the hell out of it. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with you.

I wouldn’t say a word.

I probably would say anything. It’s not like you saw them kissing or something. If best friend didn’t know then they would probably explain their way out of it. If best friend does know then it won’t add anything.

I agree I instantly thought not to say anything. I think she will tell me eventually. I suppose it's at that point do I admit I know in case she finds out later that I did know.

I think honesty is the best policy, you could just casually say "oh I saw your brother and X the other day"

I'd stay out of it too.

If you ever got busted for seeing them and not saying anything, I think you could just get away with casually saying 'oh yes, I did see them that one time, I thought it was weird at the time, but then didn't think much more about it.' It sounds like she's got more going on than whether you saw them or not so you'd probably be fine.

So do you think your friend already knows?

All you know is that you have a suspicion. You're probably right, but you don't actually know. I wouldn't say anything.

Stay out of it. You have no idea what is going on. As PP said you didn't see them doing anything. You just saw him arriving, there are any number of things - he could be helping her with something, they may just be seeing each other as friends or they may have both already separated from their partners.

Not your place to say anything. Not your circus, not your monkeys

Stay out of it.
You didn't actually see anything to tell her, did you? Just her brother arriving at the house.

I don't understand why people are saying to stay out of it - it's your best friend! I'm not saying go rushing in making accusations but you absolutely can calmly say you've seen them and spotted you've all been removed from social media, is everything ok.

I would not say anything TBH. Often the messenger is the one to get shot!

I would just casually mention it and see what your best friend says. If she doesn't say much then leave it at that.
If they both saw you then it might get back to her anyway and it would look odd you hadn't mentioned it.

What can you say exactly? You saw F(friend) and B(brother) outside a house you didn't recognise. Sorry op but best not to mention anything until you actually see something definitely wrong.

And I wouldn't be so focused on your best friend but wonder if you should talk to F and Bs significant other.

If it's still niggling at you just ask your best friend if everything is ok with B because he's unfriended you on facebook.

I'm certain F and B have already assumed you've told best friend about seeing them, give it time. If they are up to no good they'll drop themselves into it.

What can you say exactly? You saw F(friend) and B(brother) outside a house you didn't recognise.

Exactly that. No accusations, just a casual, hey saw F and B at X the other day, didn't get a chance to say hello, didn't realise they were friendly. Then leave it for your bf to do with as she wishes.

Agree with @WeAllHaveWings

You admit to seeing them but not accusing or assuming anything

But it sounds like it was over a month ago so why would you bring it up now?

Leave them to sort things out for themselves. Absolutely not your concern - might be different if it was one of your family members but not in this case.

There is such a culture of ‘gotta tell someone!’ these days. Least said, soonest mended is the old saying.

I'd think it was weird if someone just told me they saw my brother at some random house with a metal friend. I would wonder why they were telling me. It's hardly earth shattering news.