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Marriage troubles

7 replies

Loopylou11 · 30/06/2020 08:09

Hi all, sorry if this turns out to be a mix of rambling and deep seated anger at the situation but i honestly don't know where else to turn to. Me and the hubby been together 10 years, but we're friends before. 2 children, 8 and 10 months and I've got a child from previous relationship (16). When I got with my husband I was emotionally not in a good place due to family breakdowns and virtually had no one around. At first he was caring, kind couldn't do enough, then I fell pregnant...It wasn't planned but we were happy. We planned our wedding for the following year, things were great. I wanted a small do, I felt lost I guess not having my family and by this point his family hadn't been very welcoming. So we agreed on a small wedding. His mother had agreed to come and help with food, but she was also planning to stay the night? On our wedding? He said it was fine! She stayed and no matter how hard I tried with this woman, she continuously caused arguments between us and they were like 2 bullies when they were together. Obviously with no one to back my corner, and him forever telling me I'm so lucky to have him and no other man would put up with the s##t he has, I jus stayed and tried to make it all work...fast forward to 2 years ago. I fell pregnant with our daughter, but during this time had also lost 2 family members, I was at a high risk pregnancy due to age and not really in the best place. 9 weeks before I was due, he gets at phone call at work saying his mother is ill ( ongoing health issue) and he needs to get there asap. He tells me he's going after work. I say fine, and off he goes for 3 days. He's never been the same since. I was understanding but for f#*k sake I was week's away from giving birth alone cause we couldn't get a sitter, and there was no support whatsoever. I did go into labor 6 weeks early and thankfully she was fine. 4 weeks after she was born his mum passed away. He went to the funeral, came home and that was it. But his mannerisms, they way he talks to me is abrupt, like a spoiled child. That's where she is to blame. She spoiled him, never made him take responsibility for anything and played him off against his father and siblings. I just get the brunt of it cause we live together. The thing is, I'm tired of fighting for a man that truthfully doesn't seem to fussed. I get sick when he's off work, I feel physically sick. He drains my mood, and I work extra hard at being positive due to suffering with PTSD for 10+years. I have gone as far to tell him to sleep with other women, jus in the hope that he realises that he wants to be with me. To my knowledge he hasn't slept with anyone, but what do I know? I need advice, what do I do? Do I slowly start planning to leave this marriage or stick it out hoping he will change. Thanks guys 😊 I know someone will come up with something for me lol X

OP posts:
DotDotDotty · 30/06/2020 10:29

He's not going to change. He's shown you who he is. If I was in your position I'd be making plans to leave.

Loopylou11 · 30/06/2020 10:38

You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. Thank you cause I honestly thought I was being unreasonable X

OP posts:
Littlebyerockerboo · 30/06/2020 11:16

Leave.

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Loopylou11 · 30/06/2020 11:21

I agree i should leave. Where do I start? Do I give it a time limit? Do I just tell him to go? X

OP posts:
CormoranStrike · 30/06/2020 11:29

I see no reason to slowly change things - if your name is on the tenancy, deeds, ask him to leave now. If it is his property, leave yourself.

You are worth way more than him and his attitude (and it is his attitude, not his mother’s that is the problem.)

Move on and be happy

hadtojoin · 30/06/2020 14:02

If it was a friend you were living with and not your husband would you put up with the way he is treating you?
I would get your ducks in a row, sort out everything you need - legal paperwork, passports, birth certs etc proof of earnings, bank statements, savings etc and tell him to leave. Even if it is his house he needs to provide a home for his children.

Loopylou11 · 30/06/2020 14:09

No I wouldn't put up with it, your right. I'm trying to put some kind of plan together. Just trying to soften it, so I don't feel like some sort of failure X

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