How does the parenting get shared?

[cantshakethis]

If I am to break up with my kids dad (4 and 1)
How would the parenting be split by law?

The kids would stay with me during the week, due to him working 5 days. But how would the court actually make us split the weekends?

Does anyone know what is standard?

No abuse, no issues, just a relationship breakup

Doesn't have to be arranged through court. You could have your own arrangements

There's no law about this, but a typical division would be alternate weekends and he has them one night in the week.

But if we can't agree and it went down that route? What would be the typical agreement.

I thought it was for dad to see them every other Saturday or Sunday.
I don't know why I think that though
I have no experience or knowledge in this and don't know where to turn

@Angelonia is that overnight at the weekends?

You don't need the law to arrange it - that's for when conversations break down /people don't pull their weight / people refuse to hand dc over for contact etc.

Why not sit and discuss it with him?

The "typical" thing is every other weekend away at dad's, plus one night every week (for dinner rather than a stay over if he cannot have them overnight).

Make sure you get yourself in a habit of handing the dc over as they are and not providing every single thing they need. He should be ensuring he has a plentiful supply of clothes/wipes/nappies/food etc.

Yes - prob two nights. Again that's typical rather than every case.

It’s what’s best for your DC. Can he cope and does he want to cope? Is he a great dad or a waste of space with DC? Does he care for the baby overnight? It’s all very well saying he must do something but in your opinion, is he capable?

Contact should be as much as possible but a baby doesn’t have to stay overnight. So agree what works for each child. School will become important too. So can he get DC to school if needed? Or collected if needed? Again agree what works for DC. In any court agreement over resident parent and visits, the DC are the prime focus. So you can Agee without the court what’s best for them.

As PP said, one weeknight and alternate weekends is the most common I see amongst friends or family. It depends on circumstances though.

@My0My he can't cope, doesn't even know their date of births. Wouldn't know what to feed them, how to bath them etc.

Never done a night, we sleep separately. I'm still breast feeding baby.

If I ever leave the room for 5 minutes, there is always an accident.

Leaving him because of this, but scared to hand over my kids, feels like a loose loose situation.

If I ever leave the room for 5 minutes, there is always an accident

Maybe it's because you never leave him alone.

You should start leaving him with the kids. Unless he's doing something ridiculous like taking them in the car with no car seat they'll be fine. Kids are pretty resilient, and DH will find his own way of doing things. It may not be your way, but that doesn't matter. He will need to learn sometime.

He should be practicing on a breast fed baby though! Obviously weaning off the breast could perhaps start but you don’t have to agree to the baby spending prolonged periods with him until the baby has a bottle. I would start to do this though.

If he’s useless, start with shorter visits. They are young so they don’t have to stay overnight. Would he get help from his parents? Also he should have reasonably high standards. The idea that all dads can be amazing is sadly misplaced. You do need to show some trust in him but not necessarily more than small steps at a time.

Sorry - he should NOT be practicing on a breast fed baby that should have read! If he’s so bad you are leaving him due to this then you don’t have to do more than is safe for DC. What does he want? Out? Or is he willing to make an effort?

If you feel happier with every other Saturday or Sunday then do that. There is no specific set amount of time they should have with the children - start with what you feel comfortable with. You can always change arrangements in the future