Trying for second baby just after mat leave

[floppystrawhat]

NC for this

I came back to work from mat leave 4 months ago. I was off almost a year but came back a bit earlier than planned as I was offered a promotion. I didn't apply for the job, they approached me while I was off.

I know I'm just back in the door but I really want to start trying for another baby. DD is 14 months and I'd like a roughly 2 year age gap (if it works out that way). I also don't want to delay trying much longer as I'm 35 and it took 2 years and 2 miscarriages before I got pregnant with DD.

But, I'm worried how it will look at work. I have a reasonably good career and I'm involved in a number of long term projects. I know legally I am protected but still worried I will look bad, especially to my new boss who has given me this opportunity and is amazing to work for.

Am I mad to worry about what others think and to consider stalling my family for a job?

Any advice would be appreciated.

I went back from mat leave pregnant.... There were 15 months between my first two children. The company weren't thrilled (particularly as I ended up having 4!) but it was the right thing for my family, and my mat cover had been offered a permanent job in any case, so it did work out OK....

@Panicmode1 How did you know they weren't thrilled?

To add, I was a professional and knew that to keep my registration and have enough CPD etc, it was better to have two quickly. I did then wait a bit before having 3 and 4!

I think most work places expect people to have two or more children fairly close together. At least that is what I keep telling myself as I am in the same position as you! DD is 3 months old. I'm not due back at work until after next Easter but if I am going to have another one, I would like a 2 year gap or even slightly less.

You're more than two thirds through your fertile years and you have a history of miscarriage. Of course it would be mad to delay. You've also got another 30 years to work for this company.

No doubt your boss knows that you're likely to have another baby and had it in mind when offering promotion

My ds is 14m and I'm 4m pregnant with twins. I'm back at work but in a "nothing" role to tide me over until Mat leave in Nov.

I've resigned myself to being intensely bored for the next 5months but I have a job and I'm being paid well.

Have another close together and then on the assumption u are then "done" u can go back to focusing on ur career.

@FransDiner That's what DH says, he thinks my boss will be expecting it.

@floppystrawhat I think the conversation went something like "Oh really, I thought you were more intelligent than that". I was one of the only women in a team of mostly men, whose wives were all SAHM.....not a very progressive organisation!

If you wait till late thirties then try and it takes a few years you'll have a huge gap and higher risks of disabilities and miscarriage

The average risk of miscarriage by the age of the mother is as follows: Under 35 years old: 15 percent chance of pregnancy loss. Between 35–45 years old: Between 20 and 35 percent chance of pregnancy loss. Over 45 years old: About a 50 percent chance of pregnancy loss

[quote Panicmode1]@floppystrawhat I think the conversation went something like "Oh really, I thought you were more intelligent than that". I was one of the only women in a team of mostly men, whose wives were all SAHM.....not a very progressive organisation![/quote]

What managers/colleagues etc might think and potential discrimination seem much less important than your fertility considerations.

I had a similar situation and had (IMO!) a discriminatory line manager. We’d decided we wanted DC2 so to ttc, and I just set aside the worries about my employer. Just worked hard, as usual. I didn’t inform my employer of my mcs or until was around 20 weeks pregnant with DC2! Still gave them plenty of time to arrange cover etc.

@FransDiner I could write a book with the things which were said.....! That wasn't the worst by a looooong chalk.

@Panicmode1 What a shitty comment

Yep - one of many, many, many over the years....!

If I had my time again I’d aim for a three year gap; nursery funding and not having an overlap at university counts for a lot. If you have two close together you are more likely to take a career break.
If you worry about how it looks at work and want to stay with this company maybe give it six months?
That said, you know you are legally protected and if getting on with your family is what is most important to you, go for it.

I figure even in the best case scenario (if I was lucky!), then by the time I would be telling them at 3 months then I would have been back 7 months with another 6 months left to work. So, back over a year before going off again.