I have a neighbour with anger issues in what is essentally the same block of flats and I would appreciate some help in womaning up and not being in denial about it.
There's a long and painful history in that he was for a while the freeholder of the block and for four years took services charges from everyone else and paid out the majority of money to himself in a capacity as "tradesman". He then paid himself, etc,etc, and started many DIY projects that he was unable to finish. He would brook no dissent. Memorable activites involve leaving the front boundary wall in the street for 18 months and removing a huge window from the building because he felt we "hadn't paid him".
It was hard to do but eventually three of us got together and used legal proceedings (exercising RTM, enfranchisement) to relieve him of his responsiblities and took over the management. We then took him to court to make him pay contributions doing forward (I think there were five hearings in all - he appealed them all and even tried to get the judges sacked on the grounds that they were in a conspiracy with me). We still can't believe we had the courage to do this. He even voiced grudging admiration my wicked evil cleverness in forcing the court to agree with me.
Now the position is that for the last five years he has paid his contributions and doesn't actually live here, just leaving the flat empty. so that's great. And we have restored the building to a good state. But there are very complex and detailed consequences from the procedures were used that have resulted in different people having different rights to own and use different bits of the outside spaces. He can't and won't understand these, and simply believes that whatever he thinks is right is right. So I dread his occasional unannounced visits above all else and usually hide inside when they happen.
I find it difficult to list the abuses on here because I'm scared he will read it. But to give an example, one time I saw he was arriving for a visit whilst I was gardening so I just turned my back to allow him to pass. He came up close behind me and said in a stage whisper "You stupid ugly hysterical bitch", then walked away. That is fairly typical. I have listed another instance in another thread. Each encouter leaves me shaking.
I realise that I am a little scared to list the instances even on here because I am scared that one day he will physically hurt me. The only thing between him hurting me and not is his very limited degree of self-control. He has come up close "into my face" shaking with anger -"squaring up" like two men before a fight. I called for help. He recolleted himself and walked off.
My dear friend and neighbour who has been through all this (and worse) with me is leaving soon so that is bringing home to me the fact that he could move back at any time and then I would be scared to be in the garden (I have a private garden but to get to it I have to cross a common yard). She and I have been through all this together and I'm quite upset that she's leaving.
I talked to my mother in law last night and she insisted I get CCTV and figure out what records I have made over the last 10 years and print them out/file them together. I confessed to her that on some level I am ashamed to have this conflict in my life (he tries to make me ashamed and to feel it is my fault, I think). I think my friend is ashamed too as she has twice stopped me from going to the police on her behalf.
The worse thing is that he is a policeman (or says he is) not a local one but some sort of detective. So he often talks to me and others "as if" he had physical power to arrest me. So all his complaints are described as "criminal damage/theft" etc never "the tradesman you employed has left a tile out he should bring it back".
I would have started a thread asking if any police offers would advise but again I feel a bit scared to. I fear he has the local police force on his side because they are colleagues/ex colleagues and probably aware of the stresses of his real job (if indeed he really has it)
I need to get CCTV don't I? And print off those records. Anything else seems pointless. I would appreciate any empathy or advice but please don't tell me to confront him or "tell him this is unacceptable" - that would be easy!
My friend and I did go to the police on one occasion when he wrote a letter saying he would break in using his "skills". The trouble was, because he writes "as if" he is in charge they kept insisting that he must be our landlord.
I will probably delete this tomorrow as I'm scared he will read it and be thrilled that he is still having an impact on my life or alternatively read it and blame me for blackening his name (he cannot tolerate any sort of accusation).