What am I doing wrong? 5yo

[SleepingStandingUp]

Home schooling the 5 yo, he doesn't focus, he doesn't concentrate. If I can get an explanation out of him it's just nonsense "why aren't you listening?" "because of that" and will point at something random rather than give an answer. We'll do a sum and 2 secs later he just sits and stares blankly when I ask him the same sum. I feel like he's really regressed. He doesn't listen. He doesn't pay attention. He won't look at me when I'm talking to him.
That was it. Me: why can't you look at me when you're talking to me? Him: because of this (points to random play mat). He does that kind of thing a lot.

We had been told because of his o2 and amount of time in hospital etc he'd have some sort of learning difficulty but once he started talking (about 3.5 years) he came on really well in reception and was mid tier for everything so I assumed he hasn't but maybe this is part of it? Or I'm just a shit parent? Or he's just naughty?

And I know people will say don't do school work and just do creative play all day but with needy 6 month old twins fed 3 hourly, and DH working full time, DS shielding and me not driving, I can't get in the kitchen to bake with him, get outside with him (weather crap but also both babies allergic to something in the garden), we haven't got the space for big crafts, the babies don't nap v long in the day so there's no real time for that stuff, even getting the paint out 2 babies are screaming and DS is bored. At least with school work it's structure and he won't be massively behind come Sept

I'm not sure I can help as such, but my son has been the same over lockdown. He's been occasionally ok when the work really interest him, but otherwise zero attention span for school work or playing.

He is back at school now and he seems near enough back to normal, after a week or two of being exhausted, so hopefully you'll find the same when your son is back at school.

September is a long way away

If you stop seeing yourself as the fount of all knowledge from which he will be filled and start exploring subjects he is interested in as a team then you will find a much more enjoyable dynamic evolves

Instead of boring him with repetitive sums on a work sheet get baking or play a board game with die

It doesn’t have to look like school to have value

Me: why can't you look at me when you're talking to me? Him: because of this (points to random play mat). He does that kind of thing a lot.

But he won’t be able to answer that question. Be more direct and tell him what you expect from him. Say “DS, I want you to look at me when I talk to you”. Then if he doesn’t do it you can just remind him rather than asking him why.

@HerrenaHarridan

If you stop seeing yourself as the fount of all knowledge from which he will be filled and start exploring subjects he is interested in as a team then you will find a much more enjoyable dynamic evolves

Instead of boring him with repetitive sums on a work sheet get baking or play a board game with die

It doesn’t have to look like school to have value

I've already said I struggle to do stuff like baking because the twins are then left alone and just cry. And I clearly don't see myself as the fount of all knowledge else I wouldn't be asking for help because I'm not good enough

My 7 year old is a lot like this. She can concentrate perfectly well when it's self directed but like you say, she's forgotten the first part of a question before we've got to the end. Perhaps you could approach it like a project. Find something he's interested in, make a word search out of it, a match phonics sounds to themed words, draw it, mould it in dough, make up a song etc etc. So if he loves say then planets and space you can use the words, ideas, colours, famous people and so on to inform the 'work' he will do. At least you're starting from a point of him being interested. Pin all the results of his efforts on the wall or make a big collage so he can see how it all links together? Little and activities maybe 10 mins several times a day and if he feels proud it might help him with motivation...? The best of luck to you though - so tough to juggle multiple needs.

I agree, at 5yo he should still be learning most via play.
Orchard games have lots of simple board games that are brilliant for counting etc.
Snakes and ladders is good too and fun!
You really don’t need to sit and learn via a page.
I joined Twinkl, the £10 a month option. I have access now to thousands of pages of stuff.
My son is older but we still do the scavenger hunts which are great fun. You could get him to sound out the letters, practice reading etc. But remember keep it fun.
They have very simple sums and the answer then is the bingo number, that’s good too.
Most 5yo really don’t sit and learn the way older kids do.

Also, OP, in the nicest way, he will not ‘be behind’ in September!
If he can put on a coat himself, get himself dressed, count to ten, maybe know his phonics, he will be flying for September.

Give yourself a break and enjoy the summer. Find simple ways to learn that’s fun. Like could he count the twins toes? Name body parts? Even some tricky ones. Plant some seeds and measure them growing with him and he could write it down?

My 5yo son is exactly the same when I tried homeschooling. As have many of his friends been I think. They have no motivation because we are not teachers, they are not at school and they are not surrounded by their peers who are doing the same maths/phonics/whatever.
I tried everything - bribery with chocolate, warnings/time out if he wouldn’t cooperate, making it funny and silly...nothing worked!
I gave up. I concentrated on just getting through each day however we could. Some days I’d try and slip the odd bit of learning in without him noticing eg. See if he will write some things for the shopping list, pretending I was counting out some money for something and needed some help as I couldn’t work it out for myself etc.
Lockdown is hard in itself without stressing about whether they are sticking to the curriculum. Just try and take the lead from whatever sparks his interest and see if you can sneak in something vaguely educational about that subject.
Ignore the people who say homeschooling is going great. Good for them.
My son has now gone back to school and in the two weeks he’s been back they have done about 20 minutes total of actually sitting down to do “work” the rest they’ve been playing, getting exercise outside, learning about topics such as bugs, healthy eating, weather etc through talking and practical activities, scavenger hunts for leaves, feathers etc in the Wood by the playground and talking about what they found. At this age they learn so much through things like this without us realising.
Good luck. You’re doing a hard job with twins as well!

Yep my 5 year old the same! I'll ask him a question and he will reply poo poo to everything 🙈 his my 5th child and I remember all 4 others going through this stage and it passes.

@LittleOgres

Also, OP, in the nicest way, he will not ‘be behind’ in September! If he can put on a coat himself, get himself dressed, count to ten, maybe know his phonics, he will be flying for September.

They've been doing phonics for 2 years, they start in nursery and in reception it's done every day. They had counting to 10 down by end of nursery. That is not going to be sufficient for yr1. Last week it was number bonds to 10 then number bonds to 20, greater and less than arrows, today was making sums of money from 3 coins, we've had o'clock, half past, quarter top and quarter past.

But I think the majority consensus is right, this is my fault for relying on the work school gave us instead of setting my own work and mananging the babies so we can do more fun projects. It isn't fair on him that his education is being impacted because we wanted more xhildren and it isn't fair on the babies that their development is being impacted because I can't juggle all the children I had.

Everyone I have spoken to who are trying to homeschool with younger children around have found it impossible. Many of the cbeebies programs are educational, and kids really do learn while watching them- things like number blocks and alphablocks particularly, my son watched both of these daily in reception.

It sounds like your 5 year old is doing Year 1 maths work, so you would find some of the lessons on BBC Bitesize useful too. They have links to games on there that have really helped reinforce maths concepts for my son.

Everyone I have spoken to who are trying to homeschool with younger children around have found it impossible but then loads of the replies on here are saying I'm not doing enough and should be setting up daily projects and finding my own resources.

We watch number locks and alphablocks with enough frequency he can ask for particular episodes. He's just discovered creepy numberjack's and we all love StoryBots

Is he YR or Y1, all of the maths you outlined in your post at 14:40 is Year1 so if he’s YR I’d just relax.

He's reception , it's his reception teacher setting the work so his yr1 will assume they know it presumably

my y1 has been given number bonds to 20 and the quarter to and past as work. they're setting y1 work!

The teachers will know that there will have been a wide range of work done by the children in the class.

My reception aged son has been in school for a few weeks now and they have focussed almost exclusively on the social side of things. I can see the work being set for the children at home and it is far more advanced that the work being done in school.

Even aside from the lockdown, a reception or year 1 class will have a massive range of abilities. Partly due to academic ability and partly due to the age range being so comparatively wide at that age. The teachers will know how to help children at a range of ability levels to catch up when they are back in school, because that it what they already do.

Unless we're back in shielding by September in which case we'll just get more and more behind the

He won’t be able to articulate why he isn’t listening, and even if he could it wouldn’t help you move on. Instead of the ‘why’ questions, simply state what you want him to do. If he can’t or won’t answer a question, just tell him and move on. It’s far less frustrating for both of you than ‘but you know this! You know you do! Listen to me! Why aren’t you listening?’ etc

Have you seen five minute mum? I play a lot of her five minute games. If you google it you will find the website and she’s also on Instagram.
I aim to do one five minute game a day of phonics (as that is his weaker area) then just non screen play for the rest of the day or crafting and lots of playing outdoors. Then a book before bed. I feel like that’s enough for his age.

Number bonds to 20 is the expectation by the end of year 1, no decent year 1 teacher will assume children who’ve had to learn that at home will be secure in the autumn. Focus on practicing what he’s good at, slowly building on it and following his interests.

@pastapestoparmesan

He won’t be able to articulate why he isn’t listening, and even if he could it wouldn’t help you move on. Instead of the ‘why’ questions, simply state what you want him to do. If he can’t or won’t answer a question, just tell him and move on. It’s far less frustrating for both of you than ‘but you know this! You know you do! Listen to me! Why aren’t you listening?’ etc

Thing is if I say OK we'll not do thst one we'll move on he gets upset cos theomely at the end won't show full marks. So I end up sounding like your post. Maybe I need to just send it incomplete and deal with that tantrum instead

Just try doing your own learning that he enjoys and stop doing the school stuff. We still do numbers phonics and writing roughly similar to what he needs to learn at school but we do it our own way.

I'm in awe that you are doing this all with baby twins. You need to be less hard on yourself.

Honestly do what you can and he will catch up. My boys were slow learners and not high achievers in the early years but by the end of primary school both passed the 11 plus. It just clicked later.

I understand OP that you dont want him to regress. I have a 5 year old and a 4yr old (Nursery and Reception age). Its such a struggle.