Guiding leaders

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Sorry if this is the wrong area - I looked at the volunteers section but it seems like a pretty slow forum.

I'm a rainbow leader at present. I moved area when I moved house two years ago, so moved county, division and district.
I've been in guiding since I was 5 and a leader since I was 16. Until I moved house, that was all in the same division.

The older leaders in the division had been around while I was growing up, younger leaders were often my peers in guiding. The other leaders in the brownie unit I ran were (and still are) my friends.

I ran a brilliant brownie unit, it was always full because we did really cool challenge badges, trips etc and girls wanted to join through word of mouth recommendation as well as from our feeder rainbow units.

But I'm struggling with motivation for my new unit. Im possibly just out of my comfort zone because I'm so used to the feeling of being 'part of the furniture'.

I don't run as good a unit as I have before and the girls deserve so much better.

I got involved with the unit when I first moved and I had PND with my first, so it helped to have something to 'do', that wasn't solely my child or housework. I ended up running the unit after the LIC left, which I didn't mind at the time. I still don't, I just need a motivation boost. I run the unit on my own. I have another leader but she can't always commit and I end up needing a parent helper rota - which is fine, they're enthusiastic enough but they're not DBSd guiders. I clearly can't leave them with the girls so I can go to the loo etc. (we meet for an extended time, less often).

We're a flexible unit and we meet at the weekend, don't want to give too much detail or it would be outing.

I don't love the new program. Stage 1 of most areas is pretty dull. To get the skills builders and UMA hours for one topic done, we'd have to do nothing but the program for two terms. That would be no games (unless they're a UMA), no promise activities, no activities based around particular events - Christmas, Easter, divali, Eid, patron days etc. It just seems so boring! I used to do a lot of challenge badges with the brownies because I knew they would love the topic, and they did!

Its really hard having effectively sole responsibility for running a unit - I need to do all the 'mental load'.

I'm not doing zoom meetings right now because I just don't have the headspace.

I have a toddler and a newborn. My DH used to look after toddler while I did rainbows but his work have changed his shifts due to covid and when we can restart rainbows, I'm going to have to have both children with me at rainbows. I'm stretched thinly at home with them both - let alone when I'm running the rainbow meeting with a parent helper! I'm dreading starting back because it's just going to be stressful. I've never dreaded guiding stuff. I've always loved it. The meetings, the events, camps, all of it.

I feel really shit about it. It doesn't help that my sister is the ultimate guider - she does everything with her brownies. She's bloody brilliant. And a div com to boot.

I don't really know which way to turn or what to do.

I can't step back as there isn't the leaders to take over and the unit will close.

How can I get my motivation back??

Gosh, that's long, sorry

You can step back. You have alot on and can take it up again in the future. It is not your responsibility to keep this unit going. It is OK to look after yourself for a while. Forget about your sister or other people. Give yourself permission to put your needs first and in the future you can return. If no one steps up if you step down then that is the fault of the parents of the kids who are in the unit. You don't have kids in the unit, you are not enjoying it, you don't have the time to devote to it, you feel it is an obligation rather than a pleasure, look after yourself. If anyone comments on the unit closing say it is not your job, it was the job of the actual parents using the unit to keep it going. Let your sister do her thing. You don't have to compete with her.

Could you contact the Guiding Association for some support? Ask for volunteer helpers from the community? Join with another branch and share ideas?

And thank you for doing this for your community. I know what hard work it is, having worked as a Unit Helper in the past.

Honestly, if you carry on, everyone else will let you. If you give a firm date on which you will be stepping down this will focus minds and someone will very likely step up. It sounds as though you have done an amazing job over the years and you will be welcomed back in the future if you choose to return.

I really don't know how you can get your motivation back but concentrate on you and not your sister. You have a baby and a toddler and I expect that is tiring in itself. Lockdown hasn't helped either.

I'm an Assistant Brownie Leader and I hate the new programme. Everything needs pen and paper and the girls are expected to discuss how they felt about the task. I would find it difficult at 52 let alone aged 7. The new programme is too much like school. Would Brown Owl have to have an annual appraisal and offer evidence that her Unit has ticked all the boxes in order to continue to be a Brownie Leader?

I used to enjoy Brownies, planning what exciting things we would do especially the craft side but now not so much. It's too restrictive.

During lockdown we haven't done any Zoom meetings because I don't have the inclination for planning something that 1 or 2 girls would join in. One being my niece and she would just do it because of her Auntie.

Don't be too hard on yourself, once things are back to normal, whatever that may be, fun days, district meetings and Rainbows will soon make you feel at home. Now, if only they would throw out the new programme .

That was long too

Step down, op. Put you and your kids first. You haven't got anything left to give at the moment. The girls will get over it, op. Do it now whilst they're out of the habit of going anyway.

I left guiding after 15 years of being a brownie and guide leader due to lack of support

For 5 years of that I was asking for support as the sole leader using a parent rota (I have a chronic illness, a disabled child and I'm a single parent) and I got nothing

I then gave 2 terms notice that at the end of the summer term I would be stepping down

I was literally ignored for those 2 terms and wound my guide unit up

The last day I held a meeting my DC showed up with a 'new leader for me' could I transition her?

My girls and my parents were lovely, my district and division teams not so much they didn't like incommers

I have to say I haven't missed it for a second and I feel like I have my life back -do what you need to do for you

Just reading, I didn't know there was a new programme. Dd went for a couple of months, but asked to leave as she said it wasn't fun and was just like more school! She was looking for adventure!

It sounds like you need a break until your own DC are a bit older. Maybe being an extra leader for any units in the area who need a cover leader occasionally.

I'm a Cub leader and former Rainbow leader. The time I dreaded it was when I was trying to do too much. DH was GSL, I was attempting to run the joint Cubs/Scouts as he was working away a lot, we had no treasurer etc - that was me too. We were both exhausted. When we moved house and went into a proper team, the stress level diminished. Our Group hasn't done Zoom meetings this term- we didn't have enough leaders available to facilitate it as you need two DBS adults on the call due to work shifts.

The truth is, Guiding, Scouting etc need many adults to make it work. Not just one.

Take the new programme with a pinch of salt. We look at the aims of the activity, then make up our own as long as it meets the aims.

At the beginning we followed them to the letter, but they were so boring the girls complained the second they saw us holding a card!

It's is ok to stop. You are not responsible for keeping the group going at the expense of your own health. Yes it might close. Or other might step forward and run it. Either way it is ok for you to stop. And definitely don't compare yourself to your sister!

I had an activity that I was heavily involved with for years - a bit paid and lots voluntary. Eventually I was doing a voluntary role that destroyed my mental health. So I stopped. It was really hard and I thought I was letting people down but you know what, they managed. At the moment I don't volunteer at all. It's wonderful. I have time to try other stuff, and to enjoy the activity occasionally myself (maybe less relevant). I probably will volunteer at something again when DC are older but right now I don't and it's ok.

Whatever else you do, give your self a break.

Comparing yourself unfavourably to anyone will just suck the joy out of your life, with a sister doubly so.

I notice also that you were surprised when you were left in sole charged of the unit so quickly. Maybe they too were hanging on by a thread and were glad to dump it all on you and run.

Nothing wrong with stepping back, taking a break. You have plenty of your life ahead to find things you really want to do. All the best.

Oh I'm definitely not competing with my sister - I'm in awe of her dedication.

I'm worried that by stepping back I'm doing the girls an injustice - they can't join other units, they're full.

I'm worried that by stepping back I'm doing the girls an injustice - they can't join other units, they're full.

That's the type of thing I worried about but you have helped hundreds? of girls since you started volunteering. You have made a difference to the lives of those girls and had an impact. You have to think about your own health and what is best for your very young family or that would be an injustice to yourself. You can always come back to volunteering later when you don't have a toddler and newborn (will you really be able to give the girls your best with your DC in attendance? Or your DC?). And it's surprising how often people will volunteer when there is absolutely no other option...

You don’t have to get your mojo back. You can just stop. Order of priorities- family > work > voluntary stuff. I’ve been surprised that I haven’t missed guides at all, been a leader for about 3 years. Now wondering if it is just a thing I do, without really realising it’s another stress point in a very busy life - with pretty small rewards, main benefit is for my own daughter! The ‘thank you for all you are doing’ emails from hq have really pissed me off because I’m not doing anything & I don’t like the presumption that I am / should be. The new program is ghastly, guides used to be about fun, challenge, confidence building. Now it’s all about depressing current issues and talking about feelings, again IMO putting pressure on young girls to feel that they need to solve the problems eg plastic. It’s all very preachy and boring. They send out research with things to choose from like ‘do you care about equality/environment’ -of course the girls say yes! But it doesn’t mean that makes a fun program for them! It also seems to assume that everyone lives in a town! Lots of dodgy science too (my teacher hat on) and lots of the content we actually do at school. I hate the fact that they haven’t put the program online but expect us to buy the wretched cards - not eco friendly and just seems money grabbing. I’m actually quite annoyed - sorry for the rant!

I'm an ex Brownie Leader (17 years), Ex Dist Com and ex Asst Div Com.

I left Guiding about 4 months ago for a variety of reasons, that had gradually been building up over a while:

Guiding was becoming a chore. The paperwork is too onerous. Leaders who didn't complete RENs etc would get the hump when I wouldn't approve them because "that's the way they've always done it", and paperwork on top of treasurer, on top of planning activities is too much even if there are several people running a unit if you work full time or have other commitments.

Guiding is very cliquey. Older Leaders are often stuck in their ways and refuse to modernise or change anything. Newcomers have to toe the line.

The new programme is pants and the girls don't like it.

It's too difficult to get rid of crap Leaders because "we don't have enough volunteers" or "they've been in Guiding for 30 years"

Guiding now allows men/boys to join, and sleep with young girls and/or middle aged women, just as long as they self ID as a woman/girl.

I think you need a break. When youve grown up in it and a lot of your relationships are meshed within Guiding its really tough to distinguish between that and the actual movement. I would say that changing area and a new program are 2 big changes to close to each other. The current situation does doesnt work for you. And life is really hard with a baby and a toddler. You simply dont have the headspace to get your head around the new program etc. I think give notice, then see how you feel if and when you have more childfree time.

• too close together and
• just doesnt work for you

It’s difficult at the moment with not meeting as units. Also ok to step back and decide not to carry on.

I love the new programme although as a fairly new leader (18 months), I had no experience of the old programme! It’s one of the reasons I was happy to become a leader. Our Brownie unit is doing a greater variety of activities and topics - and this has gone down really well with girls and parents.

DD is at a unit like your old one but I have to agree the new program is dull and boring. I've had to do a lot with her at home as she's about to go to guides and was only a few short for her gold award but my word it's been a slog. Nothing she was really that interested in and lots of writing that she doesn't enjoy being dyslexic. Don't feel bad if you step done at this stage, you've already gone over and above for so many girls.

@MrsFionaCharming

Take the new programme with a pinch of salt. We look at the aims of the activity, then make up our own as long as it meets the aims.

At the beginning we followed them to the letter, but they were so boring the girls complained the second they saw us holding a card!

I did a training day just before lockdown, lead by the County SN advisor. We were saying how death by activity cards the new programme is quite disablist, too rigid, too paper based. She found after a term or two that she just devised her own activities using the objectives on the activity cards UMAs and it all got much more interesting and engaging again.

Our unit had some political aggro a few years back so had been trying to tow the line, and do the programme right. One of our first skills builders was something very tediously political. The girls were bored of worthy discussion and were restless, and I might have stropped off asking another leader to do a game as I'd reached my limit.

I've also joined the dark side with my DSs, and their programme is more active and open. It is my friends in our team that keep me going some times.

We always were the active, varied unit and always held stronger numbers than the colouring in unit. Trying to level up the standard and get go-to-go activities was a sensible aim, but I do feel that units like mine have been dragged down by inflexibility and lost their essence.

See if being more flexible helps. If not it's VOLUNTARY, you are under no obligation to stay if it's more of an aggro than a pleasure. It can be a bit cultish at times.

That sounds really dull to be honest. I'm glad my daughter gets to do more practical things in her group- it shouldn't be like school! I wouldn't blame you for leaving.

Our Guide unit has 3 leaders, 2 young leaders and that helps spread the load
No way could I run a unit solo.
You either need several new committed volunteers (hard to come by) or a break to recharge. You have other priorities.
We're still getting to grips with the new programme but quite like it. Some of the activities we have tweaked a bit though so they work better for our girls.