Nurse now off sick

[Mrspimplepopper]

I'm not sure why I'm posting. I'm an icu nurse. Been qualified 15 years. Worked in icu for 6 years.

I'm broken, truly at the end of what I can take. The things I've seen at work, the covid situation has simply tipped me over the edge. Luckily occupational health are being brilliant and have arranged counselling. My first session is Thursday. Im scared.

I'm anxious, can't sleep, feel sick, can't breathe. When I do sleep I have nighgmares about the hospital and icu

I'm embarrassed, I haven't told anyone outside my house that im off sick. I'm not able to hold my head up and feel proud like I used to.

Thankyou so much everyone, is good being able to talk on here. My gp really did upset me, he was very abrupt and not at all kind.

I'm just having a bath now and listening to the calm app

💐 You deserve a rest. I’m a nurse (A&E MH). I couldn’t have done what you’ve done. I agree it sounds like PTSD and EMDR should help.

I'm glad to hear your off, it may seem hard now but you need this time to just 'be'. Ignore your GP, very insensitive and I think 3months of predominantly phone or virtual consultations is taking the empathy/emotional resilience out of them too at the moment too.
Engage in all the help you are offered, youay find now you have been given that space that your anxiety does increase for a week or two and your body adjusts to the change mental and physical pace xx

Another nurse here, I really don't think I would've had the courage to work in ICU and see/deal with the things you have. Be kind to yourself

How are you doing @Mrspimplepopper?

You’re having a very normal, human response to trauma - our hearts and minds aren’t meant to deal with some of the stuff you’ll have witnessed. Give yourself time to rest and heal - counselling will help you have somewhere to talk openly about how you’re feeling, which will help too.

You’ll likely have a range of physical and emotional reactions just now - try not to worry yourself about reacting in the “right” way just give yourself what you need for now. Use the time off work to rest.

You should feel proud. You've pushed yourself to extreme for others.

I hope you feel betetr soon

Morning

I'm pretty much the same, I don't want to ever go back..well thats how I feel still atm.

First counseling session last week went well, my next one is tomorrow

Thankyou for remembering me

I'm pretty much the same, I don't want to ever go back..well thats how I feel still atm.

That’s a very normal reaction to trauma - we want to avoid people and places that remind us or take us back there - and that feeling might be around for a while, you need time to heal.

You have had a very normal reaction to extreme circumstances - remember this. You are mentally exhausted and need a break but you will be ok. I can't stress enough that it's normal and you deserve time to get better and then you will be ok. It's burn out. Take care and thank you for your dedication

As a former ICU patient I want to say thanks.
You and your colleagues do such important work and I know I couldn't maintain the emotional boundaries necessary to do it.
I know because I had to leave a career in Social Work because I'd wake up in the middle of the night thinking about clients, be anxious on my days off for no reason in my personal life.
I moved on and retrained and have worked happily in a different area for years now. Any anxiety I feel these days is warranted.
Just to say there is hope.

As PP have said that's completely normal to feel like that after trauma. You may never want to return and you know what, that's okay too. The counselling/therapy will help you make sense of it all. Just remember to take the time you need and deserve and if/when you feel ready you take things slowly as you move forward. I've had my own experience with PTSD as a HCP and it's not an easy path but I promise you will come out of this a stronger and more self-aware you.

@Mrspimplepopper how are you getting on?

It is timely that I read this thread now. I am 3 months off completing my degree in nursing and am currently on prac in ICU. I’m in Australia in area that doesn’t have COVID but the precautionary measures are there, masks etc.
I had a big cry yesterday feeling like I can’t cope with the workload. I know I’ll be ok but sometimes I doubt myself. You’ve been doing it for 15 years in critical care and now we are in a pandemic.
I’d bet your one of those nurses that we new grads look up to. Give yourself a break, rest and recover. You’ve done your bit. I hope your counselling helps and you can get your life back xx

Op just came across your thread. I hope you are feeling better.
I've never been in ICU only CCU, 9 years ago, but I've never forgotten the individuals who cared for me. The people who you've carer for will never forget you.

OP, sounds like it might be time for a job change. The 6 weeks off will help but I don't feel things will ever be the same for you and working in ICU or, indeed, a hospital might continue to trigger your anxiety and depression.