Worried about employee

[Em1961]

Me and dh run a small business and we have an employee who works in our office part time (she does 1 long day and one morning a week) helping with the admin/paperwork side of the business. She is in her early twenties and has worked with us ever since she left school (7 years now). She is lovely and is great at her job. However, over the last year or so, she has looked really unhappy. She looks healthy (I know you can’t always tell from looking at someone but she has lovely glowing skin and just always looks really well) but just sad and like she might cry. I know I am only her employer and that this isn’t effecting her job performance but I feel concerned for her. She has worked from home during lockdown (although it’s been quite limited what she can actually do from home) but has started to come back into the office in the last week. I hoped she might have been happier coming back but she doesnt seem it. When she was in on Friday she looked a bit tired and when she left for the day she looked almost tearful. I was just wondering if it would be acceptable for me to ask her if she’s ok? I wouldn’t say I’ve noticed she looks sad but just that I’m here if she’s ever upset. I’ve never had an employee before so am not too sure how to approach these things. I’d really appreciate any advice, thank you

Sorry, hopefully my post makes sense!

Absolutely you can ask her. I’m amazed you are questioning it. She might not wish to say, of course.

I think taking an interest in her well being would be kind, does she work with anyone else? Is there anyone she speaks to on a day to day basis?

I would ask her if she was ok.

You sound like a lovely caring boss. I think it would be OK to take to one side and stress that you have no concerns about her performance etc but that you have noticed that she seems less happy these days than she used to be. Say that you don't intend to pry and won't raise it again but if she has a problem and would like a sympathetic ear over a cup of tea you would be there for her whenever she might want it. And then leave it at that as some people like to keep very firm boundaries between home and work. That way you've shown her that you are therefore her without pushing her for any confidences or explanations she might not want to give.

I think it absolutely would be ok to ask if she is ok. She might not be honest in her answer, but, hopefully, she will know you care, which might mean that another day she will feel able to open up a bit if things are not ok (speaking from my own experience of having a brilliant manager who lets me know she is there if I want to talk but doesn't push me to)

Yes, I'd gently ask her. But she may not say and maybe she won't tell you the truth which you have to accept. You sound very caring.

Of course it's okay!

I manage a much larger workforce and have been known to do this every once in a while when employees have seemed to be, well, not okay in some way.

What's important is that you don't pressure her or back her into a corner. If she doesn't want to speak about her issues to you, she doesn't have to. And as her boss you don't get to feel rejected if this is the case. But you don't come across like the sort of person who would.

On the other hand, if she does want to tell you, you will have to accept the consequences of whatever it is and you might not find it easy: for example, I used to have a colleague who was in what in my opinion boiled down to an emotionally abusive relationship. And while I could gently build up her confidence, I couldn't make her leave or even badger her about it. My friend, who's a teacher learned about the fact that another colleague's partner was unstable and addicted to drugs. And since there were children in the picture and given her role, she had to report this. It cost her a work friendship.

Long story short: yes, of course you can. It's a lovely and supportive thing to do. Just know go in prepared for anything she may or may not want to share and deal with it in a kind, compassionate manner.

Do you know anything about her life outside of her work? How is she managing to live on one and a half days admin work per week? What does she do with the rest of her time - children/caring responsibilities?

Thank you everyone for all your replies! I will definitely talk to her. I like the suggestion about doing it over a cup of tea- it may make it more friendly and less like a work review

@unfortunateevents yes I know her quite well now. When she first started working for us she used to compete with her dog in agility trials around the country (they always did very well). She wanted to work part time as they trained quite a few days of the week and she wanted to commit a lot of time to it. We had only advertised for a part time role so obviously this suited us as well. Her dog unfortunately developed a few health problems (due to age I think) so they stopped. I sometimes ask what she gets up to when she’s not at work now but she’s quite vague. She lives at home with her parents and has 2 older siblings.

@Timeforabiscuit no she’s only ever in the office with me or dh. Quite a significant part of her job is calling clients and taking calls but she doesn’t often see people face to face. I often wonder if she gets lonely at work but she always says she isn’t.