3 year olds behaviour is really getting me down

[SpinningOut]

She turned 3 last week so a very young 3.

She’s always been wild. A completely different kettle of fish from her big sister (5). They are good pals, have become very close during lockdown.

I’m just finding 3’s behaviour has really deteriorated over the past few weeks. Tantrums. Hitting or attacking her sister over nothing. Doing deliberately naughty things like drawing on walls or spitting juice on the floor. Running away when we are out for walks. Won’t brush her teeth and has to be pinned down to get it done.

It is utterly draining. We tell her off. Tried naughty step. Consequences. It’s all a huge game to her, she gives absolutely zero fucks. Thinks any attempt to punish her is funny and just does the same shite again and again. We have tried consequences (eg removal of iPad privileges - not that she’s even on the iPad that much but she’s obsessed with it - would stay on it all day if we would let her but we do try to put some limits on screen time) but in the moment she does not care.

I am so tired. My older child doesn’t sleep suddenly either so we just get no time. I find when I hear her coming through at half seven to wake us up my heart sinks a little bit and I don’t want to feel that way.

Anyone?

Ugh I feel you. 3/4 can be a really tricky age! We've had some success with the strategies from 'how to talk so little kids will listen' but sometimes it's a battle to stay calm and use them rather than shouting/ threatening a punishment!

I always think behaviour like this is telling that something is up. Maybe something changed - dis sister go back to school! Someone go back to work? Are you talking about upcoming changes that could be causing upset ?

Bad behaviour is communication that the child is unhappy and needs your attention.

Conversely don't tell her off give her more 1-2-1 time. Special slots 10-15'mins every day where she chooses the activity and you do nothing else. No sister involved.

I fully get how difficult this is to do and easy to say but it helps a lot ime

Look up positive parenting.

I found 3 far more difficult that 2, hang in there op, my eldest was a nightmare at 4, she's now a well adjusted, lovely, kind teenager.

Oh and don't forget to take photos when she covers herself in permanent marker (as mine did), or cover herself in navy blue nail polish. You can use them as blackmail in later life

We are all at home just now. Husband and I both working. We are in Scotland so her sister isn’t back at school yet. There’s been a bit of chat about her going back to nursery but not much (and the bad behaviour predates that).

She can be an utter delight when she wants to be. I’ll admit I find it very hard to keep her entertained. She has an attention span of approx 45 seconds and nothing keeps her entertained for long.

I second the recommendation for How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. Gives loads of great strategies to deal with toddlers.

Thanks I’ll download that tonight

How are you getting on @SpinningOut ? We've just had a difficult few days, I hope you are doing ok x