Nervous about BBQ this afternoon!

[Youngatheart00]

Just that really. Been invited to join a (socially distanced) bbq this afternoon with some of DH’s friends. Got pit of stomach dread and anxiety about it. Dawned on me I’ve not socialised with anyone in well over 3 months. I don’t want to go, but DH will be disappointed if I don’t. How can I stop dreading this and just get on with it? Will it be acceptable just to pop along for a few hours and then leave? Weather doesn’t look great either.

Totally fine and understandable to go for a few hours - I’m not ready for anything like that yet

I’m not (particularly) anxious about catching covid, though I know people will be drinking and therefore less strict with the rules.

I feel a mess, I’ve gained about a stone and a half since I last saw people. No one will particularly care I’m sure but I don’t have much confidence as it is.

Of course. They'll feel like you do too.

Unless you're planning to avoid social contact for the rest of their life, there will have to be a first time you put yourself out there again. And if you avoid this one, will the next one feel any easier? Loads of people have gained weight in lockdown. The Germans even coined a special word for it!

A few hours sounds fine.

For me (as someone who often has similar feelings) I always find that if I try not to let myself think about it too much, and think about exactly what it is going to be like, it’s much better. I tend to wind myself up doing that and I always build it up bigger in my mind than it is.

Definitely acceptable to leave after a few hours I’d say. People do that all the time and bbqs.

If I avoid this one, I’ll feel temporarily better but then the next thing will feel even bigger.

I know in my logical mind it’s no big deal, but I tend towards introversion and I suppose the lockdown in some ways has been a big comfort for me as there aren’t any social plans I’m expected to show up at!

Now everything is being relaxed the onslaught has started again. I did manage a walk with a friend actually, last week which I had similar dread about and it was fine. I just wish I didn’t feel this way about something other people look forward to.

I just wish I didn’t feel this way about something other people look forward to. this is me with nearly every social event.

Funnily enough your username resonated a lot with me @PerfectionistProcrastinator as I identify as both!!

Have told DH I’m happy to go but want to stick to a couple of hours and that I’ll drive. After no socialising for so long I’ll be exhausted after that I’m sure.

Absolutely understandable. Good on you for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Mum is in NZ, and the first few days after lockdown ended and they could socialise again, she found it absolutely exhausting, and really needed a cup of a tea and a lie down after meeting with friends.

And she is anything but introvert, normally she's gadding about like you wouldn't believe!

I dont know about where you are but the weather here although dry isbt that warm and very windy, perfect excuse for popping along for just a couple of hours. Are you taking anything ? an extra bottle of wine or chocs for the host would reduce them thinking you're being rude to leave early.

Yes we’re taking along some meat for the bbq, some beers and some wine, so certainly not turning up empty handed. Weather definitely seems breezy but humid too. Will get there early afternoon for when it starts and then can make excuses by 4.

Surely with current rules there will only be you your husband and 4 other people? You aren't meant to be going in to other people's property unless your in their bubble so if you feel uncomfortable just say you need to go home as need a wee 😂 or unless they have sufficient shelter in their garden for the 6 of you.. the weather will be on your side and likely you can use the rain as an excuse to leave

How many people will be there?

it is very strange for all of us.

remember that it isn't July 4 yet. And the science will never change. Keep 2 metres apart whenever you can. A bbq does not need close contact.

remember that test and trace is operating. If you are within 2m for more than 15 minutes you could end up having to self-isolate. Not worth the chance.

I’m very pro following the rules and haven’t broken any rule of lockdown since it began.

It’s a very good point re number of people as pretty sure there will be 8 or 10 there, including us.

DH is laid back on this stuff but I’m not. It all feels so unusual. I’m staying off the booze although that will probably make time pass slower too!

It’s just started raining! But I doubt it’ll be called off. I don’t want to feel under pressure to gather with people from lots of different households inside and I feel like that’s what’s going to happen

Don’t go. It’s against the guidelines if it’s more than six (assuming England).

DH called ahead and turned out it was just his mate and wife and another of their friends who lives locally. So not a big group. It was fine but I’m exhausted now. It’s like my brain has forgotten how to chat and interact with people f2f