DS9 friendships and Fortnite

[Niceproblemtohave]

DS9 plays Roblox and Minecraft on an iPAD with friends but doesn't yet have a console - and ideally we'd like to wait a couple of years before getting one

But most of his friends have started playing Fortnite during lockdown - and he's now feeling excluded from his usual friendship group as it's all they talk about when they are at school - and they are connecting together online afterwards

Is this how most boys now interact / socialise together? I'm now feeling quite sad that the days of inviting friends over (after lockdown!!) for a play involving Lego, charging around and playing in the garden might be over......

Am I making life harder for my son if he's inevitably going to feel excluded by friends if he's not joining them on Fortnite???

For DS11 Fortnite is where his friends hang out. We were sceptical but TBH it has saved his mental health during lockdown.

I know it’s not the point of your post, but you can get fortnite on an iPad

We resisted for a while but relented when we realised it actually was almost all of DS friends playing. I don’t know why we were worried, it’s been brilliant, they have such a great time and as a PP said, invaluable to keep in touch with friends at this time.

My DS9 does not have it - still happy with Minecraft. Not all will be on Fortnite.

DS is 10 and been playing Fortnite since he was 9. It’s definitely how he hangs out with his mates and how they’ve kept in touch during lockdown. It definitely causes arguments but I think the benefits (just about) outweigh the negatives for now.

I'm afraid so. That's how my 9 year has been socialising recently. Most of his class are playing it.

Yes. I work with teenagers and they all socialise via certain games on consoles. They don't go out anymore and unfortunately, the parents who hate games consoles do end up excluding their children. That isn't to say putting limits and such is a bad thing, but this is just how it is now.

My ds10 plays Fortnite and it has been his saviour during lockdown, however now we are meeting up with his friends again they still charge around the park together and he enjoys that just as much.

Thanks for all the perspectives - I guess it's going to be inevitable then but hopefully we can keep a balance

I still feel 9 is too young - although maybe need to check it out for myself. Hadn't considered DH getting addicted to it.....he does have form with Call of Duty. OMG

I said no way was my 9yo DS getting it. Then lockdown had it and they were all on it,the only way for them to play together remotely.We have had a friend round for him since the rules here relaxed,they built a Lego boat and ran the bath and played with it. The days of Lego and other fun don’t need to be over.

Should also have said my DS goes on about purchases and levels and all sorts and it does my head in, but I think the good outweighs the bad.

I agree that during lockdown it’s been really good to keep in touch with friends.
There are negatives to fortnite. DS can get stroppy when he’s been playing it too much and he’s so loud as he doesn’t realise ones shouting with his headphones on.

I've had to really lower my standards over lockdown - mine tend to play online on Animal Crossing with friends (mainly running around hitting each other over the head with nets) or sit on Skype chatting absolute shite while colouring in.

I hate that the kids' lives have come to this level - but I found that just organising "chats" weren't working as they had nothing to talk about and just ended up sitting there faffing with the digital backgrounds and sending emojii to each other. They seem to talk easier when there's some purpose to the conversation.

In "normal" times I'd probably me more on your side and argue that a 9yo doesn't need a console, but at the moment I think it's important that he keeps in touch with his friends.

It can't be very nice not seeing your friends AND not being able to fully socialise with them online either.

Hate the fact l have had to succumb to the lure of Roblox - can't bear seeing kids on screens really but as pp have said, it has been a life saver during lockdown. Dd not interested in fortnite but actually we have used it as a good chance to teach her a bit about internet safety and when life goes back to normal, she will be too busy to be able to go on it every day so it will be a weekend treat. Probably better than a blanket ban but yes l feel sad too that times have moved on and this is what kids do. All about balance though, we still get our exercise and do other things so not the end of the world l guess.

Yep that's how it is now. The majority have consoles and play Fortnite. It's how my DS communicates with his friends. He wouldn't have spoken with any of them during lockdown otherwise.

Having seen friends pre-teens on fortnite, this house is remaining a fortnite free zone.
Yes, screen time has increased, and socialisation has gone down, but for me fortnite is a step too far. Sorry kids (9 and 11), I know you are in the minority, but I'm sticking with this one.

It's the only way my grandson has stayed in touch with friends - the headset is invaluable. It can be an irritating game to play however but he has learnt to cope with his frustration better and is happy to drop out of 'a party' or block someone for the day instead of losing his rag. Boys don't seem to mind this way of interaction!! Sit in the same room to start with and agree time limits as it can be addictive - he will need to get to the 'end' before he comes off so don't be too dogmatic. I reckon it's saved his 'mental wellbeing' tbh and he also does minecraft on his ps4.

My 10 yo was late to the party with Fortnite because screens generally are all he wants to do and I didn't want to add to that but it has really helped him fit in more at school and he talks so happily about playing with his friends now, even if it is on screen. The 'violence' aspect isn't graphic or realistic. It does bug me when he doesn't come to the table for dinner because he's on a game in a team and he can't just stop but we are working on that. I tell him when dinner is and he has to tell his friends so they won't get him involved in a new game 5 mins before. I'd love it if consoles just didn't exist but they do, and they are prevalent and he was isolated by not participating.

I think it's worth it.

It's worth educating yourself about how the online purchases work. DH says this game is unusual, because it is one of the only games where all of the items you buy ONLY have a cosmetic effect. Nothing you can spend money on will make you perform better in the game, so it's not pay to win in that respect.

You do need to buy a "battle pass" every so often to get the online access, but if I understand rightly you can then earn enough points just by playing to renew it. DS1 never does. For the battle pass you might want to look into how easy /hard it is to earn and how often you buy them otherwise and agree some rules. Likewise for the items you can buy, which are costumes and dances. They are only cosmetic so you don't need them at all. Again it's worth deciding what your policy is going to be - no purchases at all, only on special occasions, only using a certain proportion of his pocket money, etc. And set out those rules from the start.

People get into problems with it when they don't know about these things in advance IME.

Bugger. DS (10yo) has just begged and pleaded for this.

I said no as is rated 12 then came on here to search and found this thread.

He plays minecraft but is insistent that all his mates are on it.

But we've come through lockdown without it. Can it really be essential now?

He was out all day on his bike today and then sat on iPad after tea. I worry about screen time but equally nobody wants to be the kid who is missing out.