For context, I have anxiety and despite holding down a good job, good home and lovely marriage sometimes it gets the better of me.
Yesterday I met three friends for a picnic outdoors, we live in a big city in four different areas so met in the middle. I haven't seen these friends for months much prior to lockdown. I felt really anxious to start with but DP encouraged me to go and said it would help to start seeing people.
Without outing. DP and I have had a turbulent few years culminating in lots of IVF and the stillborn of our child. For the last couple of years we have had more miscarriages coupled with some family deaths. I am a positive thinker by nature, keep fit, do yoga and meditation and have regular counselling so when I do see friends I like to think I'm really upbeat and not a drag to be around.
However after an afternoon with friends I wonder why I bother! Two of them were fine. But one just insisted on talking about how difficult life is for her because they can't afford to upsize and therefore extend her family. When I managed to get a word in edgeways I mentioned that lockdown has been a good opportunity to focus on my MH and that it's been a blessing in that regard. She then started talking about how her own labour (of her living son) was really difficult and haunts her because her DP was late to the hospital and almost missed the birth...
I don't expect anyone with a baby/children who haven't suffered infertility/loss to understand the pain, but why make comparisons? I felt like she had absolutely no interest in what's going on in our lives and didn't want to know what any future plans might be.
AIBU to say I wouldn't mind going back a few weeks and avoid seeing people again?