How do I ‘become’ a lesbian at 45?

[Randomfires]

Silly title I know but it’s a serious question deep down. I was in a relationship with a man for 15 years and have two children. We split up last year and I’m considering that I might actually be a lesbian. I’ve not wanted sex with a man - or found men attractive - for many years. Although I definitely did when younger. There are literally no men I fancy. But there are women I fancy - however I’ve never ‘gone there’ so don’t know if this is a real thing for me or if maybe I’m asexual. I’m just very confused.

How on earth does one go about exploring these things at 45?! If I went on Tinder as a lesbian wouldn’t everyone hate me for being a divorcee experimenter?!

@lemmathelemmin - Correction: In my opinion female sexuality is flexible and fluid. This is based on my own life experiences.

@Lovewindyweather

OP my situation and personal circumstances are so similar. I possibly carry a bit more baggage because I think twenty years ago I suppressed my feelings because it wouldn't have been ok with my family.

I have the same worries about it being annoying for gay women to date someone so uncertain.

Its feels quite daunting. Like there is a whole culture that I wouldn't "know" rather than it just being about each individual relationship, connection. I don't know how much that is just my perception.

I have never come across a sex club!

There's a growing market for women only bicurious events. Some, like killing kittens, accept men as well but others are for women who want to dip a toe in the water of women only meets. skirtclub.co.uk/faq

Thanks NoHardSell. Looks fun but perhaps a bit too sophisticated for me! (Not to mention all my hang ups!)
I like the concept of a women only curious/experimental space though.

Haha, yes it's a bit too sophisticated for me too. I go to the women only nights at local sex clubs. They are super friendly and you just chat, sit, eat snacks, learn burlesque dancing, do a lingerie photoshoot, natter to other women, then if you want you can watch the displays or take part in the sex upstairs, either 1:1 or moresomes

Not everyone's cup of tea, but not scary either

That's exactly it - a women only experimental space - great description!

Skirt club looks fantastic but not sure an overweight 45 year old would be approved!!!

@Randomfires

Skirt club looks fantastic but not sure an overweight 45 year old would be approved!!!

There's definitely a market for us out there!

Its strange, I even feel uncomfortable with looking at the website because I associate women in underwear with exploitation and objectification. Its fantastic for women to be claiming their sexuality for themselves.

Randomfires have you spoken about this with anyone ? I have spoken to a couple of people and it felt less "huge".

im 31. married 10 year. 3 children. feeling these feeling too... mad world. where do you begin to find the answers to questions like am i gay when you are married with 3 children????

The female equipment of male cottagers that used to meet up in public lavatories for sex .Tony Blair included. Found this thread as DD says she's bi....lol...she is 18 and inexperienced. The lesbian thing is the flavour of the month with teen girls ATM... it worries me....surely 75% of them are not not bi or whatever....