Moving in with a partner for the first time ever! Any advice?

[Medstudent12]

Moving in together, been together for just over a year. We're planning on a cleaner a few times a month. Both pretty clean. We do bicker but never really fight, we're good at calmly talking through issues. Lived together during lockdown and after a tricky first week it went really well, back to living separately now.

I know there'll be lots of compromises, anyone who's "been there, done that, got the T shirt" got some advice? I am so used to doing things "my way" and know it'll be tricky at the start!

We're both late 20s. Renting.

Discuss opening how finances will be split and what will be included in joint spending, so there’s no confusion from the start. DH and I (when first together) always split bills etc by percentage of what we brought it, and adjusted it as that changed. So if you bring in 40% of the money and him 60%, split it this way. 50/50 is only fair if you earn the same. We included all food and travel to work (trains, petrol etc) in joint costs, but this won’t work for everyone. Neither partner should be disadvantaged by sharing costs. Also, will you have a main food budget, will you be more flexible?

Discuss your finances first! Work out what is a fair amount for each of you to pay for bills, rent, food etc. When I first moved in my with OH he earned a lot more than I did. We split bills 60/30 to reflect this.

Now we are married we have 3 accounts. All money is paid to our joint account and all bills are paid from this. We have a second account for food/petrol and then have a personal account for spending money.

I'd also set expectations in advance about cleaning, cooking etc.

Good luck! Hope you are very happy together.

Definitely finances! And do what works best for you both. We just share everything and neither of us queries the others spending. Also cooking expectations, cleaning on the days you dont have the cleaner.

Don’t get married.
Retain financial independence

Try and find a property with two bathrooms

Definitely discuss finances.

And don't take on any jobs you don't want to become "yours". When I moved in with my now husband His mum said "oh I'll show you how i get his rugby shorts nice and white", she was quite taken aback when I just laughed and said to show him as I wouldn't be touching them! things were obviously different in her day

We’ve never spoken about income before. I think we don’t earn dissimilar amounts (both young professionals). We’re splitting bills 50/50 and rent. I don’t think I’d want to pay more or less depending on income, once married then I’d split based on income but at the moment we’re both relatively comfortable and quite independent people. I don’t want to merge finances after only a year.

We planned 1 takeaway a week (nom nom) and then cook three evenings each a week. We’ll sort our own breakfasts/lunches when working etc.

We tend to split everything down the middle (monzo makes it easy).

Cleaning wise he’s nice and tidy but I don’t know how best to tackle bigger jobs such as mopping the floor. We’ll probably get a cleaner. He’s very very chilled out, it’ll probably be me nagging him, we are opposites.

Disagree with others - 50/50 is more fair! Why should a person who earns more not benefit from that and have more disposable money for themselves! Bills cost what they cost and you should pay a fair share! Your bills when you live alone aren’t priced based on what you earn!

Husband and I always have went 50/50 despite me earning a bit less!

If I wanted more disposable income then I should get a better paying job - I don’t want to though am happy where I am and 50/50 works well for us!

@KaptenKrusty why should someone in a relationship not want their partner to be equally comfortable and have way more money? That’s not a partnership. I’d never have wanted to be with now DH if he’d not wanted us to be equal. When we first lived together the income split was about 25/75 each month, I literally couldn’t have paid 50% of everything. Your way sounds a bit callous and self serving, not the sort of partnership I’d be interested in.