How do you reconcile yourself to life not being as you'd hoped?

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Just that really?
I don't want to spend the rest of life feeling disgruntled at my life - I know the answer must be acceptance but how do you do that? I used to think I just needed to work hard to change my life how I wanted it to be but now I'm in my 40s I don't see that happening!

I've gone from one extreme (prestigious uni/good career) to the opposite (cramped ex council house in less desirable area). I suspect I also have some social difficulties. I functioned well in a structure (teaching at a "good" school, hoped to move into private etc). After a divorce and some ill health I am now rather large and just lacking in connections at all to that life. But also finding the life I'm in difficult.

I know comparison is the thief of joy, and that this is "it." But I am sad sometimes and don't quite know how to reconcile myself to the fact life is the opposite of what I planned. I don't know if its some mid life reflection (When you're younger it looks like the world is your oyster and everything is possible - now I'm older its likely we cant dream of moving to a better house or a better area and changed just doesn't seem so possible.)

There's lots good about life now, but we struggle - its more the reconciling of life being such a huge difference to how I'd expected and seemingly powerless to change that.

How have other people who have struggled dealt with it?

I am in a different situation - (in my case we adopted a child for a short period, but it broke up) - and it is that 'forever' feeling that is hard to shift.

Similar age too - I had a few sessions of counselling, but then also realised I couldn't use that as a crutch.

I find less news helps, and also less social media.

Less social media helps.

We live in a highly desirable South East village (almost London prices). All my friends from school in rural Lincolnshire now own big detached family homes, whereas we own a two bed flat with little hope of the bank lending us enough to upgrade to a housekeeper in our area unless something comes up in need of full renovation.

I know how you feel, none of my life has gone how I imagined and I feel a lot of regret and sadness at certain parts of it. I haven’t found a way to cope with it I just generally push it to the back of mind.
I’m told by friends to imagine myself as an old lady on my death bed and how I’d feel about my life, if I’m content then just enjoy the life that was given to me and if I’m not happy with what I see then to make changes while I still have time.
It’s easier said than done I know, sometimes we just see what we want to see and forget what’s important but your still living life and still have a chance to change your future.

I had a tattoo on my wrist in my early 30s, advising me to create my own life.

To make it myself.

I was ruthless in asking, does this take me towards the life I want or not?

I think it's best to, within reason, work towards the life you wanted.

Sell that 2 bed flat, move to the country and buy a big house with garden.
Lose that weight and practice one social skill at a time.

You're only half way thro and you're an adult, wiser now. Use that. Be tough on yourself and your choices. Dont give up. Make what you can with what's left.

Completely agree with poster above love your comment.
Focus on things you can improve step by step.
In my late 20’s I was in a career I hated, more or less friendless and so depressed.
Since then I’ve completed more studying changed careers and have a really big social network.
Atm I’m 5 stone overweight I’m taking positive actions to make changes and getting all the help I can :)
Good luck to you all

Yes I started my main life goal, to be a good guitar player, in my 30s. I'm now studying lead and blues. Love it. If I died tomorrow I'd not be disappointed.

OP - I honestly believe that you just never know what will come up in life. Yes, you might not have as much wealth or the career etc you expected, but you will find other sources of happiness that will make it less significant. Could be a person, a job, a new skill, an unexpected piece of luck, a hobby - honestly, things do move on. Everyone has times when life feels stuck and static but your life won't remain unchanged for years. If your 80 year old self could speak to you from the future, I'm sure you'd be told life has plenty in store. This isn't romantic optimism - life has good things and bad that come up. Be open to life and take pleasure in the small things and things one day things will move on in a way and one day you will realise you are more satisfied. And actively think about ways you could improve things in a way that would make you happy.