Apologies, this is just me ranting about my life at the moment as I can't do it anywhere else. I had enough. Here I go.
I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my 2nd daughter- due late Oct. I am working full time from home and looking after a 3 year old.
I have a bad pelvis (PDS?) and back pain, I'm slowly becoming unable to walk, I work 9-10hrs a day (plus cooking and cleaning) and I am being pushed to do more and more at every hour of the day and night by bosses who don't give a crap about my circumstances or appreciate how hard I work to try and achieve their idiotic targets.
While I work my 3year old gets frustrated and upset and often cries because she is so bored and wants me to play with her. She cries every time I pick up the phone to talk to work. Poor thing... she's having a mental breakdown too! And is probably fed up of watching tv or playing on her own.
I suffer from anxiety and depression and this whole f*ing situation has made my mental health regress massively. I just cry every bloody day. I'm so sick of it.
Both GP and mental health consultant have highly recommended I take sick leave to get a break and that I should also take early mat leave.
Nursery should hopefully open in a few weeks so I'm thinking of sending my 3year old back, although I am worrying hugely about this stupid covid 19 mess. Hopefully if my daughter is at nursery it will relieve me from some of the stress so that i can work in peace and avoid taking any sick leave. The thought of not being able to look after my daughter kills me, though. I feel so guilty.
Don't get me wrong, I'd kill to take a break but have no moral support... my husband is being a d**k about it all, thinks I should send my daughter back and see how it goes before taking any sick leave... said I should try and perhaps work PT if work agrees.... made a face when I mentioned going on early mat leave.
He doesn't feel any sympathy whatsoever about I feel mentally or physically and tbh keeps saying I am being a martyr, is reluctant to help with my 3yr old.
Last weekend I cooked and cleaned the whole w.e. with this horrible pelvic pain and by Sunday evening I was dead, so I asked him to help with dinner etc... but he was watching the footie so he got really angry because he had only had 45mins for himself that weekend and wasn't fair on him to just give up the football match... he made me explode. What a pathetic person (although sometimes he's nice... but I am angry at him now, so the other times don't count!)
He did the same thing tonight when I asked him to give our daughter a bath and put her to bed. Massive rant. Oh and he has basically told me I have massive fat legs. F*k him.
I'm tired, sleep deprived and fed up with it all. Have no help from anyone as family is all far away. I don't know how I am going to continue like this for another 4 months. My belly is huge due abdominal separation I developed with my 1st pregnancy and i feel as big as a hippo.
Sometimes I think about losing the baby or having an abortion and then I feel bad for even contemplating such a nasty thought and I hear my husband's words saying I should stop feeling sorry about myself and "man up". What a effing stupid comment.
Wtf.