Retrain before or after having children?

[Toblerone345]

I've found an apprenticeship I'd like to apply for but I'm not sure if it fits in with my plans to have a baby. It's an NHS degree apprenticeship and takes three years to complete. I'd be 28 when I start and 31 when I finish. Rightly or wrongly, I'd feel bad immediately getting pregnant after finishing so would probably hang around until 32 or 33 and then start thinking about children. I want two or three (at least I do at the moment - that might all change after going through it once) so I'd worry about leaving it that long to try for my first.

On the other hand, if I wait until I've finished having kids, that would make the whole thing much more difficult (maybe impossible - I'm not sure exactly what the shift pattern would be) in terms of finding childcare, studying with young kids around, etc.

I'm not sure what to do so any thoughts would be appreciated.

I'm pondering about the same. (Similar but different as it's a Clinical Psychology doctorate). I'm not as young (36) but I think the sensible.thing is to wait until I graduate.

I would retrain now. You never know what will happen in the future. I don't want to put a dampener on things but what if you can't have kids? You might spend 10 years trying and then still be in the same situation as now but 10 years older. If you want something then go for it.

@Fressia123 It's hard to decide, isn't it? I guess there's pros and cons to both ways. I wish I had a crystal ball to see how things would play out. If I could guarantee conception and pregnancy would be as easy in my mid-late 30s and is it would be now (though I've no idea how easy that might be as I've never tried!), I'd definitely postpone babies.

@wishingitwasfriday That's a good point. I'm just worried that maybe I could have a baby if I started soon but couldn't if I wait longer. Not sure why this would be the case as I don't think fertility decreases massively in early/mid 30s - I guess I'm worrying about having a hard time conceiving and wishing I started earlier as it leaves more room for error.

I would suggest retrain first.

My cousin had three children when she was 17-21, then when she was 25 she went to Uni, working from home, and by the time she was 40 she’s a partner in an accountancy firm, with her kids nearly off her hands.
Pros and cons I guess, the younger years were hard for her and her husband.

Twospaniels That's impressive. Sounds like the way she did it worked out well for her, even if it was hard at first.

I was 28 when I retrained, 31 when I finished. Baby at 32.

Definitely train before babies. I could not imagine doing it with a small one. Youngest is 18 months I'm just thinking of doing further training now.

Train before babies.

Once you have kids everything remains possible, but a A LOT harder. Just organising child care around placements can be a nightmare. Never mind learning new skills/info while sleep deprived - it's different performing skills you already know when you're sleep deprived to trying to retain lots of information.

I'm retraining now and doing it part time because of childcare issues and I wish I either had nannies (plural) and a housekeeper or had chosen this line of work back when I was pre-kids!

I'd retrain first and do the baby thing once I'd qualified and got a bit of experience - it'll be easier to 'return' to a job than to have kids and then try to find training that fits in with childcare provision/finances.

@katjolo @employeewoes @Howlat I agree that retraining first seems like the sensible option but I'm just worried about leaving it to late to start having babies. I suppose there isn't a massive difference between 29 and 32 in terms of fertility - it's the 2nd/3rd I'd worry about more.

I’m gonna go against the grain and say prioritise the one that’s most important to you. I’m currently retraining in an allied health profession with a 2 year old (9 months when I started) and yes it’s been hard but it’s doable if that’s the way you really want to do it.

I decided to start a family before retraining. My current career works amazingly around childcare so my plan is to carry on with that for a while and retrain once my children are a bit older.
I’m glad I went family first, the job doesn’t even seem as important to me now.

Definitely do it before. I was half way through a PhD when I had my first at 32 (7 year programme). I graduated when she was 4. And had my 2nd at 37.

No way would it have been possible after I had them. Money for nursery doesn’t grow on trees. After my 2nd I went straight into a very well paid job. There’s no way that would have been possible if I hadn’t gained time and experience early on. 37 was still a perfectly fine time to have a baby,

I did them both at the same time because I'm stupid

Started my MSc when DS1 was 20m old, finishing it with a 5m old DS2 - I had meant to finish my dissertation last year, but I got pg the first month of trying and then had debilitating hyperemesis for 7m and had to suspend it.

But I agree with this I’m gonna go against the grain and say prioritise the one that’s most important to you.

It's harder to study with DC but not impossible.

Def train first then have a kid, it really won't make a huge difference biologically.

If you're really worried, get your hormones checked and talk to gyn.

There's a good chance you won't end up retraining if you have kids first. Money will be tighter, more tired, less time.

I'd get a fertility MOT done, I paid about £250-300 to get one done. No guarantee but if they identify an issue you might decide to have children first then retrain.

I think wishing you'd tried earlier if you have fertility problems is natural, but you might also wish you hadn't done something else- we all just make decisions with the information we have to hand.

Do the training first. Studying and having the time once children arrive, is far harder than child free. A solid job skill will work for you after having a family, and you can return to work with children, even if it's just part time.