Page 2 | Anyone not been married or engaged?

rodentfeet · 2020-06-25T20:04:11+00:00

So i am just wondering because everyone i meet and see online and off seem to be engaged or been engaged or married or been married, has anyone NOT been married yet or never been engaged ? how do you feel about it, does it make you feel uncomfortable or different? do you feel like muriel and want to pretend your getting married just to try on some wedding dresses because that may be your only chance to experience that? does it bother you to have never had that opportunity or have you just accepted that just may never happen??

Cadfaelfan · 25/06/2020 22:12

Me, but I've never wanted to. Literally not once. I remember when I was five a friend saying she wanted to play getting married and staring at her in disbelief, thinking: but why would you want to do that? And I've never once felt any differently.

So I've never done the wedding dress thing myself. I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times so I've done dress shopping with other people, and table settings and all that stuff. I found it dull if I;m honest. I was happy if my friends were happy, but it seemed a lot of time and effort and expense to spend on a single day. Especially when the amount of effort bears no relationship to the sucess of the subsequent marriage

I think my main feeling is relief that I live in a time and place where it it is possible to be economicailly independent as a single woman. It's as recent as the 1970s that a woman could not get a credit card or a mortgage without a husband or father to act as a guarantor. It makes me sad to think of so many women who perhaps decided to marry because it was their only opportunity to escape destitution.

Original poster

rodentfeet · 25/06/2020 22:13

@amber763

Me!! Honestly my whole life nothing has filled me with horror more than the thought of a wedding. I was asked in my 20s and said no (we split not long after which i was gutted about but i didnt feel ready then and I'm so glad i made that choice). The money my friends spent on their weddings always seemed insane to me too. Plus I'm sure I've saved myself a load of heartache because all but one of my group of childhood friends are now divorced. Some more than once (late 30s). Sure break ups are always hard but divorces just drag on so long and can be so messy. Been in a long term relationship now for years where we both still have our own places, spend time together when we want and I love that part of the week at least its just me and my dog. Absolutely don't feel like I've missed out on anything and like my life just how it is!

this is inspiring to me because it tells me that you are a very strong person, you dont need others or a partner to make you complete because you already are.. lovely, you sound like you got life sussed

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Tisahardlife · 25/06/2020 22:13

Early 40s here and no sod has ever even asked (apart from once at 15 which clearly wasn't a serious suggestion)

4 relationships of 3 years plus, but no asking...

In a way I'm glad; I'm actually quite happy without marriage (current relationship 5 years, previous relationships 13 years and 3 children), but I think I'd feel happier with myself if I knew I was worthy of being asked...But I'd only turn him down I guess as I'm an introvert and cringe at the thought if the fuss that would be made of me with marriage.

I don't think it's that unusual in this day and age.

Mistymonday · 25/06/2020 22:17

Never been married or engaged! Never had that as something I really wanted but probably wouldn't mind if we did. Would do It if we had kids I think so we all had same name.

N4ish · 25/06/2020 22:18

Me! I love not being married, gives me the illusion of being free. (Have a partner, 2 kids and a mortgage so the freedom part is definitely an illusion).

PacificState · 25/06/2020 22:21

@Nellydean21 I am secretly pretty smug about it I suppose though I do also look at friends who have good long-term marriages and think that they've done quite a courageous thing. I think it takes a lot of guts to say 'this guy - I'm going to make a decision, stick with him, make it work'. Not when someone's a dickhead obviously, but when they're just a normal guy who looks terrible first thing in the morning or gets man-flu or has embarrassing opinions. Or whatever. I think it's a brave thing to do, and properly grown-up, I suppose.

Also I haven't avoided the difficult teenagers, I seem to have acquired them despite the lack of a husband Didn't plan this fancy-free lifestyle properly... (I'm joking, they're a lot more fun than a husband and the added benefit is they're going to go away soon)

utterflapdoodle · 25/06/2020 22:21

I'm 52. Never married or engaged. I can honestly day it does not make me feel uncomfortable but the thought of trying on wedding dresses does. All those ridiculous white meringues. The horror!

Original poster

rodentfeet · 25/06/2020 22:21

@Tisahardlife

Early 40s here and no sod has ever even asked (apart from once at 15 which clearly wasn't a serious suggestion)

4 relationships of 3 years plus, but no asking...

In a way I'm glad; I'm actually quite happy without marriage (current relationship 5 years, previous relationships 13 years and 3 children), but I think I'd feel happier with myself if I knew I was worthy of being asked...But I'd only turn him down I guess as I'm an introvert and cringe at the thought if the fuss that would be made of me with marriage.

I don't think it's that unusual in this day and age.

im sorry to hear that you havent been asked, but if you think you would feel happier if you knew you were worthy of being asked... it sounds like maybe you dont think you were or are worthy of being asked?

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Original poster

rodentfeet · 25/06/2020 22:26

@utterflapdoodle

I'm 52. Never married or engaged. I can honestly day it does not make me feel uncomfortable but the thought of trying on wedding dresses does. All those ridiculous white meringues. The horror!

im not a fan of the meringues but they do have some gorgeous dresses...

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amber763 · 25/06/2020 22:45

@rodentfeet That made me smile. What a lovely thing to say.

Viragoesque · 25/06/2020 23:24

I’m married, but I never wanted to be, and have never been ‘engaged’. I adored and adore my longterm partner (now husband) but would have preferred not to marry him. A pressing logistical reason meant we did decide to get married, but just very casually in street clothes with two witnesses, and told no one we had — and I can honestly say I’ve never given wedding dresses/first dances/bridesmaids a second thought in my entire life. I think it’s reactionary nonsense fuelled by the wedding industry.

Original poster

rodentfeet · 25/06/2020 23:53

@Viragoesque

I’m married, but I never wanted to be, and have never been ‘engaged’. I adored and adore my longterm partner (now husband) but would have preferred not to marry him. A pressing logistical reason meant we did decide to get married, but just very casually in street clothes with two witnesses, and told no one we had — and I can honestly say I’ve never given wedding dresses/first dances/bridesmaids a second thought in my entire life. I think it’s reactionary nonsense fuelled by the wedding industry.

I think you might be right, ive been brainwashed over the years lol, im surprised how many women on here havent got married and not bothered by it and dont feel they have missed out, its helpful to hear others take on this, maybe i will stop watching the wedding programmes to start

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Original poster

rodentfeet · 25/06/2020 23:58

[quote amber763]@rodentfeet That made me smile. What a lovely thing to say. [/quote]

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yd273 · 26/06/2020 00:15

34, never been engaged or married. Had some long term relationships and lived with one guy. I am not bothered by either and I definitely don't want children - never have. Have a job I enjoy, house, cat, wonderful friends and family. I like my life the way it is, but appreciate that's not for everybody. I think there is a lot of social pressure to have those things...

WinterAndRoughWeather · 26/06/2020 00:39

Same here Viragoesque. I never wanted to get married, my partner and I did it because it made the financial side of our relationship simpler when we were buying a house.

We were never engaged (no rings, no trying on dresses, stag and hen do or any of that). Registry office, kept my name.

Completely agree about the wedding industry - it persuades women that these huge, society-style expensive weddings are traditional, which they’re not at all.

EBearhug · 26/06/2020 00:52

Never married, never engaged, never lived with anyone. Don't feel I've missed out (except on more sex.)

squeekums · 26/06/2020 00:54

Nope, never married or engaged but i been with dp almost 14 years now.
Just holds no interest for me.
I despise being center of attention, so does DP

I realise im quite old fashioned but i watch programmes like say yes to the dress, and fairytale weddings, even dont tell the bride and its all so beautiful.. seeing peoples gorgeous engagement rings. i love the whole idea
Yet i see them shows, well the ads for and think how boring. What a waste of money

Toseland · 26/06/2020 01:10

49, never married, not been asked. I like it, weddings make me cringe, I‘d hate being the centre of attention. My partner and I have been together 20 years.

Undergrad20 · 26/06/2020 02:01

I’m not engaged or married. I’m waiting for a proposal! I want to get married, but literally just the legal part. No parties, no big dress etc. I hate the idea of actual weddings!

PossumMagic0 · 26/06/2020 05:54

I'm early 30s never been married or engaged and I don't wish to be. In some perverse way I wish I could have a fancy ring but tbh I'd probably never wear it. I have a child and a house with my partner and I'm ok how things are. I don't want any further legal ties. My partner has been engaged before and it slightly bothers me that he asked her but not me but then I also don't want to be engaged so it's a bit stupid really.

Bluesheep8 · 26/06/2020 07:09

Me. DP and I have been together for 24 years. Lived together for 23 of those. I'm 46.

AhBallix · 26/06/2020 09:09

I've never been engaged or married. I've been with DP for many years. I'll be honest, there's a part of me that would have liked to be married, predominantly because of a romantic desire to feel that someone was so desperate to be with me that they had to make it official!

In saying that, the idea of a big wedding, with a big dress, involving loads of organisation, is my idea of hell. So the wedding itself would never have been top of my list of priorities. We have 2 children, own our house jointly and have made detailed wills, so we're covered from a practical point of view!

AhBallix · 26/06/2020 09:10

Oh, and I never would have worn a ring. I hate the feeling of rings on my fingers

MissCalamity · 26/06/2020 09:12

Me, been in this relationship for 16 years. Kids and a mortgage.
Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out a little bit, and other times I'm really not bothered about the whole faff and expense of a wedding.