I have a 15 yr old Ds with Autism and Anxiety (no EHCp)
For the last 2 years he has had an on / off 'relationship' with a girl, ('A') initiated by her. A has no SN / SEN I know of but has had a difficult start in life and is very angry, with Mothers in particular (hers abandoned her and she is frequently upset about it, poor thing).
Ds doesn't seem able to tear himself away from A although she often treats him badly (he is bullied at School re his tics and ASD and A will incite / exacerbate that and mock him when in the mood). Staff have acknowledged that he has a long history of being 'friends' with people who actually treat him very badly.
On Tues Ds had his 1st half day back at School since before lockdown (he was sent home a week early as he was having fitting episodes which have since largely abated. GP is looking into whether they are 'merely anxiety' or epilepsy related). All good Tues pm.
Yesterday he seemed low in the morning. He'd taken a sandwich lunch into his room and I'd been busy with his sister when I noticed an hour later that he wasn't around, and his lunch was untouched.
Sometimes, when he is down or frustrated he goes for a long walk. We are rural, he is safe and it does him good. The only caveat is that he lets me know he's off / checks in via text. I texted him R U OK? and got a reply 2mins later: 'yes'. So, I assumed all fine.
Then A appears in my garden upset, out of breath, 'I think DS is going to kill himself'. I take her in, sit her down with a glass of water, ask her to explain. She shows me her phone which has a msg from Ds an hour previously to her saying: 'would you be upset if I died'. I A: its OK, I had a text from him just 5mins ago. We chat a bit and A says: 'we are back together'. I look surprised (she has 'dumped him' countless times and they've been 'split up' for at least a year) and she says: 'you don't like me'. I say: 'no, its not that, but you have in the past been unkind to Ds and I don't like it when anyone is unkind to my kids'. She says: 'its not him, its me, I get upset cos of my Mum, but I lash out at him'. I say: 'I know, you've had a bit of a rotten time from what Ds has said, I am sorry, but it sounds like you have done lots of growing and understanding how it affects you and I'm really impressed at that'. We have a quick hug, and I get the biscuits out and we dive in.
Ds arrives home, looks a bit worried to see A there. We have a chat all three of us. Turns out he's been worrying about some minor thing he thinks he did about 5 years ago. It is really trifling but it is part of his ASD / Anxiety that he ruminates and worries and this has happened before, identically, as he finds social things very puzzling.
They chat in his room for a bit, I go to make some pizza for tea.
A comes into the kitchen and asks me for the Senco number at School as she says she thinks DS needs to speak to him. I say, it's fine, we've chatted about it, unless there is anything 'new': - No.
I ask Ds if he wants to call Senco and he says No need, all fine.
I tell A shes' welcome to stay for pizza but she's off home as her Dad is bringing her a new phone home.
Today I get a call from the Senco that the Head 'has been contacted by the Head of another School' to say that DS has run away, so it's a safeguarding call.
I explain that he's fine, was low yesterday and went for a long walk as is his habit, checked in by text with me, and is sitting at his PC playing Minecraft with his sister, happy to hand phone over.
I do ask which Head reported Ds missing to his Head (as that sounds weird?) and SEnco says she doesnt know.
I comment that A was here y'day worried abou Ds and that she seemed keen for School to be involved but Ds himself was not fussed. He will be in School next week and is in regular contact with Caamhs for some anxiety work and the referral re the fitting / spasming is ongoing too. I hand the phone over to Ds who has a short chat with the Senco.
Senco asks to speak to me before he rings off and says he feels the A is 'very helpful' to Ds. I say I'm not so sure. Ds himself has said that A is 'always there' when he has the fitting / anxiety episodes (85% reduced at home) and that A has been telling him who else he can be friends with. Senco says perhaps we can have a meeting re next year and supporting him, including the relationship between him and the girl. I am aware that School feel A is a 'good thing' for Ds and she may be but I am uncomfortable about some aspects of it, eg on one past occasion School suggested that A accompany ds home on the bus after a 'fit' (its 19miles on a public bus and they are both 15 so I didnt think this was right and collected him myself).
I see that School had to make the call and I am glad they did.
I am also glad that Ds and I were able to reassure them he is fine (for now, obvs). So that is all good. The 'other Head' thing is odd but, hey, the important thing is that the grapevine worked and they checked he was fine and most importantly that he is.
But I feel a bit twitchy about A's involvement, and more to the point School's seeming reliance on her to 'support' Ds? Am I misreading it?