Hi Mumsnet,
First time posting so please go easy! I firstly need to cut a very long and complexed story short. Here goes:
My husband suffered a horrible tragedy. From that, he developed PTSD and Complex Grief (which has sent him into such a deep depression). He is on A LOT of medication (we live in America so he is big dollars to big pharma). He does tend to abuse them sometimes when he has bad days.
The medication and the depression means that he has no interest in sex, at all. He also has ED problems, which he has viagra for. I’ve had so many lengthy conversations with him and he says that he just doesn’t get horny. I’m obviously limited to what I can do as sex can never be spontaneous now. I’ve tried so, so hard but now, my confidence is zero - so much so that I can’t even get undressed in front of him. When I cry, he gets angry and says it makes him feel bad.
My grievance is that he doesn’t try. Maybe if he actually got some real treatment for what is going on instead of relying on pills then things would be a lot better. We are from different cultures, though and he’s grown up in a world where that is what you do (I’m British and he’s American). I guess it is his journey and only he can decide when he wants to get better, also.
He does have sex with me when I ovulate but it feels disconnected and like it is a chore he has to do. I’ve wondered so many things - if I was a man and he was a woman, I would be an a hole for writing this and not supporting him. I guess it has something to do with gender stereotypes. Women are ‘supposed’ to be the chased sexually. I don’t feel like a woman. Any advice please?