8YO developing anxiety in lockdown

[MrPebbles]

Posting in chat in hope of more advice.

My 8 year old has in the last few weeks become very anxious. He tells me he loves me about 20 times a day. Has the need to touch me for reassurance almost constantly. He is crying at unnecessary things - he didn't hear me reply to an "I love you" and consequently broke down.

He's just done similar at his dads house, who called to talk to me about it. There is no animosity there - his Dad and I get on fine and have had the same routine and contact rota since he was 3 years old.

I'm not quite sure what to do. We do school work every morning, then free time in the afternoons. We read together every evening. So there is a routine of sorts. I work full time from home so it's impossible for me to do activities with him in the afternoon. We do go out on long bike rides at the weekends, walks etc.

I've started restricting screen time on XBOX, iPad in the afternoons as I know that's not a great influence. He's recently been able to see his grandparents again, whom he was desperately missing.

Is it lockdown just getting too much? Is there anything I can do to help him? Is anyone else experiencing this?

I have similar with my 15yo. It's heart-breaking isn't it?
No advice though as we are struggling too.

Are you able to organise a meet-up with a friend? That's really been the thing that has cheered my 8yo up the most, especially now that her sister is at school most of the week. She's had some online social interaction, but it's not the same as playing in real life.

Getting out, changing the scenery, meeting people.
We're struggling on the "people" bit of meeting people.

My 7 yo is normally so sunny and cheerful, but is doing a lot of lethargic moping, being rude and saying he's angry. He brightens up more when there's been a change in dynamic.

My 8yo has coped pretty well overall despite having slight anxious tendencies. Things I think have helped:

Seeing people! In person, but we've also had some virtual playdates where they've played the same online game together while simultaneously zooming. They really do need to just see people. And mine is a bit of an introvert so I was surprised at just how happy social things made him. Also to be honest I don't enforce social distancing on the DCs provided the people we're meeting up with are comfortable with that too.

We don't have the news on around him or discuss the virus much when he's about. We've been clear from the start that the risks to him, to us & to the vast majority of our friends & family are miniscule. We've explained that all this is really to protect certain groups of vulnerable people, not us. We're not anxious ourselves or displaying 'anxious' behaviour (yes I'd include washing down all the shopping in that, which I know will annoy some people!). Even at the height of lockdown we went out every day for some exercise, because I didn't want them seeing 'outside' as dangerous.

I know you're quite possibly doing both these and that the first one isn't quite The Rules, so feel free to ignore the rule-breaking bit if it isn't what you want to do! I just think they've been the two biggies for us

The other little thing we've done is build in regular things to look forward to....so we've let our two have bunk beds in one of their rooms, and we finally took the plunge and got a cat, and we've done the beach a bit (we live very near the coast). Just something new and fun. One surprisingly big hit was a cheapy 'fitbit' type thing which made going for walks more interesting for a bit.

Thanks all. I agree with the socialising part. He's definitely much better if he has time around other people and more normal things. I'll keep ensuring we get out and about.

I also made him a worry stone. Which is not normally my kind of thing, but he seems pleased with having something he can use to talk to me about anything bothering him. His dad is supportive of all the above too.

Hopefully we can get back to more normal sociable activities and the anxiety will ease off for him. Thanks everyone.

I’ve had this with my 9 year old. He didn’t want to go out at all as he was so scared. We’ve bought a mask for him and are going out everyday and talking about it. We no longer have TV news on in the house as I think this was making us all worse.
I think it’s easy to think ‘this is my whole life’ when you are young and not see that it’s (hopefully) temporary.

Also, how do you feel about seeing him cry? It seems like you've had some amazing advice here, but are you comfortable just letting him cry to release emotion and then carry on with your day? Sometimes it's hard to see our kids cry as we don't want them to be sad, but sometimes they just need a cry and then life can continue... I don't know if that helps but sometimes it helps me to look at how I am approaching their emotion and what I view as ok or not ok.

Would chatting to his friends on FaceTime or something similar help?

@BeautifulCrazy

Would chatting to his friends on FaceTime or something similar help?

Can you organise a zoom pizza party for him and family/friends? Something nice and fun to look forward to - I think some kids are getting lockdown fever and the constant ‘bad news’ will be getting to them (and the very boring routine).

In the end my 7 year old was being so badly affected in terms of anxiety and depression that school agreed to take her back as a child struggling and therefore emotionally vulnerable. It made all the difference and we're starting to get the little girl back.