Overweight 9 year old

[Juiceey]

Hi MNers. Please don't flame me, I'm looking for help and advice not criticism.

DS (almost 10) is overweight. He is not an active child at all and hates being outside, always wanting to be indoors on electronics or drawing etc. We have to drag him out for walks or bike rides and he usually complains the whole time.

He was playing with friends having a water fight this afternoon (from within his bubble at school, in a park) and they all had their tops off and I felt just awful seeing him compared to them. I knew it was getting bad as he wears 12-13 clothes but seeing him topless with his rolls and huge boobs made me so sad.

I too am overweight but on Slimming World so we all eat SW friendly meals. He has one 'treat' a day and we argue about this incessantly as he always wants more.

I don't know what to do. I am so sad for him. I don't want him to be 'the fat one' or get bullied at secondary.

I was thinking that you don't need to make huge changes overnight.

You could gradually lower the portion sizes over time (a little less each day?)

Mine don't have snacks generally - if they whine about hunger they are offered fruit.

I love the bike computer idea! what about two very short local rides a day to gradually build up his fitness first?

I also stuck a picture of the "eatwell plate" on the fridge - I find it reminds me of the veg/carb/protein ratio when I dish up - In fact I recommend No self service for a while.

I also put on the fridge a dietitian's guide to kids portion sizes and showed the kids how little cereal there is in a portion by weighing it out!
Get him involved in the research and hel you get the proportions right. You can cut your family portions back gradually yo get them to match.

DS8 is a healthy weight, but I noticed in lockdown that his eating patterns are 'upside down' compared to ours. So he wakes up starving, eats every hour or so throughout the morning and then winds down gradually and has a small-ish dinner. For adults it's obviously more common to start small and then build up to a larger evening meal, so at first I was giving him more than he could comfortably manage in the evening. Have you tried giving him a few days without dietary restrictions to see if he falls into a natural pattern of eating?

a daily treat isn't a treat. It's a routine.
Feed him much smaller portions.

He sounds a bit like my brother and I when we were young. We were always the chubby kids in our friend groups. Learning more about what healthy food was helped us, as we both hated sports. At about 12 we both slimmed down a lot and it was down to being more motivated about a healthy diet and by sticking our headphones on and going walking.

Thank you everyone for the advice so far.

So I think I need to reduce the daily treat? This will cause wars in my house. Big time. I'm worried he's not going to able to regulate himself as an adult if its restricted?

OP what is the treat? Could you still have treats but just smallest ones? Like fun size bars, a couple of rich tea biscuits etc? We see those as treats at home.

Also portions, like a pasta portion should be the same size as a fist not a big bowl full. I’m on a weight loss thing at the moment and I realise that what I thought was a normal portion is way too much.

So I think I need to reduce the daily treat? This will cause wars in my house. Big time. I'm worried he's not going to able to regulate himself as an adult if its restricted?
That doesn't sound like he can regulate though if it's going to cause a huge argument over a reduction. I was obese for several years as a kid/teen, what really helped was three meals a day and no snacks as I found id think I was hungry but I was just bored/upset/in a routine of having the snacks and fun exercises, I got really into karate and conversations about nutrition in a fun kid friendly way as understanding it is half the battle.

Also portions, like a pasta portion should be the same size as a fist not a big bowl full. I’m on a weight loss thing at the moment and I realise that what I thought was a normal portion is way too much.

This is exactly why I said check the calories in your SW meals. What you eat as free food does contain calories and when it's 'free' it's very easy to eat much more then we need.

Can you give us a detailed daily menu?

SW is designed for adults so I would be careful
About that for a kid.

You said your overweight too, so it’s likely to be a lack of knowledge on your part too. Maybe you don’t really understand what a healthy meal looks like, in terms of size and what’s in there? I really hope that doesn’t sound nasty. It’s not meant that way.

I’m slim, kids are slim and active too. Dd 8 eats

Breakfast
Bagel or muffin or whole meal toast with crunchy peanut butter and marmite. Half an apple.
OR
Toast with avocado and a poached egg

Lunch
Small handful of sungarsnap peas, half a pepper, a chunk of cucumber, 4 crackers a slice of cheese OR a blob of hummus and maybe some olives

Dinner
Salmon or chicken stir fry style with broccoli and rice or noodles. I use half a nest of noodles or half a small cup or rice. One chicken thigh and a handful of green veg and probably one other.

No pudding
Water all day long never squash or juice

Treats-
An ice lolly in this heat!
Or
One digestive or one Oreo cookie
Or
Packet of crisps

We have mini cucumbers, carrots, peppers which are on tap through the day and they are unlimited.

Fruit maybe 2 portions in the day. Not huge fruit eaters in this house. But we regularly eat at least 5 of veg.

I’m quite surprised at people saying a daily biscuit is too much.
Calorie requirements for a 9/10 yr old are nearly that of an adult. 1,800 per day. A tweak of slightly smaller pasta and slightly more vegetables would be enough to gradually bring it down.
I agree that you don’t want a feeling of things being rationed. You need a healthy attitude to food. I grew up with a girl who was never allowed to eat crap but would then buy a whole packet and eat it sneakily as soon as she was able to go to the shops. Just one person, obviously.

One way to reduce the portion size is buy smaller plates - we use side plates - and bowls - it's very effective in cutting down amount of food you give. Might be worth considering.

There are active games on x-box other console - ones that get them moving around.

MyFitnessPal - might be helpful working out calories amounts and what to aim for - but I'd check what's appropiate for a boy that age rather than follow adult slimming plans.

It can help as others say to have set eating times and no snacking if you don't already.

Yes we use side plates for all of us and ramekins as cereal bowls so the kids can help themselves to the correct portions.

Does he drink milk? If so, replace it with water or sugar free squash if you absolutely must.

Even sugar free drinks have been shown to cause blood sugar spikes and crashes which can leave you feeling hungrier.

Do you sit round a table to eat? Are snacks eaten at the table?

We have a sit down to eat rule. No snacks whilst watching TV or standing up/ playing. No TV, phones or tablets whilst eating.

Since implementing the above, DS eats less as he is keen to get back to playing/ watching etc.

Yes we use side plates for all of us and ramekins as cereal bowls so the kids can help themselves to the correct portions.

Seriously? Because that sounds like a piss take on the competitive under eating that is rife on mumsnet.

I do think the average dinner plate these days is much bigger than it should or needs to be. We inherited some 60s Royal Worcester plates and our serving size has reduced because of them.

@LadyOfTheImprovisedBath

One way to reduce the portion size is buy smaller plates - we use side plates - and bowls - it's very effective in cutting down amount of food you give. Might be worth considering.

There are active games on x-box other console - ones that get them moving around.

MyFitnessPal - might be helpful working out calories amounts and what to aim for - but I'd check what's appropiate for a boy that age rather than follow adult slimming plans.

It can help as others say to have set eating times and no snacking if you don't already.

Modern plates and bowls are a lot bigger than old ones.

We have a Denby set, and while the circumfrence of the plate is the same as my old 1980s plate, but the broad rim on that means that the main area is the same size as the smaller sized plates. In effect our DCs eat off the same sized plate that DM used to use rather than it being genuinely small.
Even child sized tableware such as the IKEA plastic bowls have a surprisingly high capacity.

Using smaller tableware is a good way to reduce portion size without making it look obvious. Also, it's better to have a smaller portion and a break to digest than to plough through a bigger quantity.

So many posters on here using suuuuch disordered phrases in relation to foods. There are no 'bad' foods! All food is fine if eaten in moderation. This type of negative language is awful for our mental health and relationships around food, never mind that of growing children who are soaking it all in. In this world of diet culture and '#fitspo' that we all now live in, it's the last thing we need!

I would advise you all look into intuitive eating. I would recommend the book 'just eat it' by Laura Thomas PhD. Especially for you OP if you say you are following slimming world. Think about the word 'syn' that word itself has such negative connotations. Food is not bad, you need food to stay alive!

There is so much research out there that tell us that diets and diet programmes do not work long term! Putting your body into starvation mode by drastically reducing calories is not sustainable and actually, the majority of people put on weight after the initial loss! Same with restricting foods or certain food groups to such an extent. Your child is allowed a small treat every so often!

That book is really enlightening, I have learned so much. I have a couple of friends who are qualified and work in the nutrition world (ones a private nutritionist and ones an nhs dietician) and they also encourage reading that book. At the very least watch some YouTube videos on intuitive eating, or intuitive eating for weight loss. Weight loss isn't what it's all about, but it will get your relationship with food to a much better place.

Seriously yes, although some might just call them small plates.
None of us are underfed! all all in the middle of BMI.

It just helps keep you aware of portion sizes when dishing up.

My ramekins hold about 55g of cereal and a portion is 40g - if you give me a bigger bowl I will just fill it without thinking, same with bigger plates.

Also there is something very dissatisfying about a big plate that is mostly empty!
I think that is psychologically unhelpful and using smaller plates just makes life simpler.

SW promotes an unhealthy view of food IMO. It encourages foods with little to no nutritional value.

He needs to cut right back on sugar. No puddings, chocolate etc. Eat healthy proteins, fats, lots of vegetables as well as upping the exercise.

@equuscaballus
A ramekin? Really? I can’t get my head around this. Like this?

Over invested and a bit bored

@GreyishDays

I think mine are approx 3 times the size!

However, they are crazy small compared to my modern "cereal" bowls.

That makes more sense!

So much great advice so far, thank you all for contributing. Myself and OH are reading and willing to make changes. Some questions/comments:

@Mintjulia please can you tell me the type you bought? I think it could work- he does enjoy cycling, he's just lazy.

@jannier I'm doing well on SW thanks. 1st 3lb off so far in 8 weeks. I do 1/3rd of his plate veggies that he does eat too.

@LovingLola an average day would be cheerios or weetabix for breakfast, his school packed lunch is a ham wrap, crisps, yogurt, an apple and chopped veg, dinner is something like spaghetti bolognese with veggies on the side too, he drinks a lot of sugar free squash and has one smoothie a day (the innocent ones). If he moans for snacks in between I try to give him fruit, chopped pear, sweetcorn or ham.

@cheeseismydownfall Oh I can relate to you so much! I wish beyond anything DS could regulate himself but he just can't. I feel bad imposing limits as worry he'll just get to secondary and spend his lunch money on chocolate and coke.

@Atalune it really doesn't help that he's a fussy, unadventurous eater despite my best efforts. He wouldn't touch avocado, eggs in any form, humous, olives etc. He likes plain and simple food.

@employeewoes we do eat round the table. He has to eat snacks at the table too but just takes his iPad with him (which is permanently attached to him).

It‘a a £15 wired bike computer from Evans bikes I think.

My ds hated exercise/sport because, being unfit, he was slower than others and it made him miserable. When he started “competing” against himself, and could see immediately if he had made some progress, he cheered up and started to enjoy himself. Lockdown has helped because we cycle most days and he’s getting fitter and more enthusiastic without realising it and without calling it PE. It’s been good for me too.

I hope it works